Hi Danielle

First of all a big because you sound so scared and upset. I had a horrible first birthing experience, and was terrified going into my CSec as a result. What was helpful to me was speaking beforehand with the OB who was scheduled to do the procedure about my first experience and its impact on me so he understood why he needed to look after my emotional wellbeing as well as my physical wellbeing. I also talked it through with the anaesthetist at the presurgical appt...make sure you ask to speak to the Consultant...and he was able to allay my fears. He said that things like wanting to vomit were a sign that they needed to tweak what they were doing and I should tell him at the very first sign that I was feeling that way. As it turns out that didn't happen and the anaesthetist was fabulous - it was the first time in months that I'd been pain free and I was on a bit of a high from relief that all the things I was terrified about weren't happening.

I also made sure I'd written it through my birthplan - that I was traumatised and I expected to be treated with compassion in order to help heal that first experience. It turns out they rearranged the surgical list (in the last 24 hrs) so that i could go first to save me waiting and wigging out. I really think you could benefit by having these conversations with your care providers, if you don't tell them they won't know that they need to take a little extra care with you, for your health's sake.

The nurses in the Mat Ward went the extra yard too, on account of my previous history. I can't believe you weren't offered any pain relief! Make sure you write that through your birth plan as well, and tell the nurses who are looking after you how your pain levels are going.

BTW I'm not surprised it took your body such a long to recover, because you were so traumatised by the experience. I had a similarly long recovery from my first birth (with residual pain for well over a year) and I'm convinced it was my body's reaction to the trauma. But after my recent experience I believe no two births ever need to be the same. Good luck and I wish you a much better birth experience this time round.