Thankyou so much for your support girls.
spice- I so know what you mean, if not for bellybelly, I dont know how I would cope!
I am starting slowly to feel better about the whole thing, like someone said earlier, there is no point on focusing on the what ifs, what could I have done differently and so on. I just tell myself I will know better next time, and not beat myself up about the day that should be the most wonderful day of my life.
I do understand that for some people a c-section is an accepted birth experience and I have nothing against them or that fact, I am sure that it potentially could be a fantastic way to have a baby, but for me it was not expected and not a welcome surprise. I never even once entertained the fact that I would be having a cesarean. I t is definately something I would tell any pg friends to think about.
so anyway- emotionally, I am coping a lot better, I had it out with dp about how I really felt and why I felt that way, I cant say he understands but he at least listened.
physically- I am still sore, just a walk to the shops with bubs is enough to wear me out and make me very sore the next day, somedays even walking properly is hard, I have appointments next week for repeat ultrasounds to check on the blood collection from the internal bleeding, and also my 6 week checkup. lets hope its all ok.
the swelling is finally going down but still is alternatively numb or extremely painfull, that is probably the worst bit, dp had a habit of rubbing my belly when I was pregnant and now when he does it I could just about scream in pain.
so, thanks again, you people are great, I hope that one day in some small way I can help you the way you have all helped me.
xxx