Thank you so much everyone for your support and hugs I truly appreciate all of them. Its so nice to be able to share my story with you wonderful woman who actually know what I am going through it makes such a difference.
One of the hardest things I also find is trying not to look at my other births and find what I did wrong that cause my c-sections.
It was the decision I made to allow my OB to induce me with my first baby at 40wks which lead to that "intervention cascade of events" that lead to my first c-section that has lead me to a 3rd c-section. There was no real good reason for the induction - her opinion was big baby, little mum, sore back lets induce - I cant help wonder if only I had of just waited, then perhaps a c-section may never have happened and I wouldn't be feeling this way now!!.....I am still angry at myself for allowing that to happen so I guess that is the biggest demond I am battling with this whole 3rd c-section.
My MW read my medical records from my first induction and she was angry to uncover that I went into hospital for the induction 2-3cms dilated. I don't know about that, she was disgusted they didnt send me home, she said that I would have gone into labour any day!!!!!!!!!!!!. The best saying i have ever heard is hind sight is 20/20. Its so true. I am not so angry at my 3rd c-section as I am at myself for what happened at my first birth....the self blame and the wishing I could go back to that first pregnancy can be very consuming. Unfortunately wanting to go back and change the past has been a huge problem in my life....I do need to work on that!

As you said RoyaUK it can be so hard to bond to a baby after a c-section. I struggled so badly to bond with my other two that I just wanted everything to be different this time. I am sorry that your VBA2C did not happen also. Any more babies planned?
I am too surprised for posting so soon after but I thought it would help and I think it has. I also wanted to let those who were so supportive at the beginning know what had happened.

Thank you all again and I wish you jackrose and mamaspice all the very best of luck for your VBAC...go for it you can do it!!