Oh, hun. I too have ended up with 3 c-sections and worked so hard for a VBA2C for my third child but it wasn't to be. It's a tough gig grieving for the experience of vaginal birth that you'll never get to experience. Do allow yourself to grieve. If you would be willing to speak with another professional, i saw someone in East Melbourne who helped me work out why i was responding the way i was to my third & final birth. Will PM you her details if you're interested.

What helped me was have someone validate my feelings and acknowledge that there is some grief for an undesirable outcome (the birth NOT the baby!). She asked me whether disappointment was a common theme in my life and said that for some women it can be a part of a bigger issue about how they feel about themselves. For me it was quite the opposite. I put in so much effort and so expected the desired result but there's only so much we can control when it comes to the birth of our babies.

What is your story? Were you trying a VBAC? Are you hoping for more babies?

A part of my mind says i don't want another baby because i know i wouldn't have the option of trying naturally and i don't think i could handle that.

I haven't had a 'turning point' per se but a slow coming to terms with and acceptance of what happened. To be honest, i don't get that much time to think about myself anymore (my third is a few weeks older than yours!) and so it's just the passing of time that has helped me not to dwell on the experience. I don't feel like i 'gave birth' though to my babies. They were taken from my body and that's just a fact for me.

Look after yourself and take care.