I think that sounds like the best idea (no to tell family) becaues they'll be lining up at the hospital waiting in your room for you when you come from recovery and just being downright annoying. And if bubs is taken back to the room while you are in recovery there is a chance they'll have cuddles before you... thats something that would have made me explode... so yeah I'd just hold off and tell them afterwards. Let it be a surprise You can let them know after the birth if/when you want them there.
Ok so the scenario you described is what happened to us. Mine was an unplanned c/s, and after a quick nuzzle Shel and Jazz were gone before I even knew, and back up to the room while I waited in recovery for close to 2 hours.
I have been pretty upset about this, I lost that time with my new baby, and it did have an effect on PND. BUT it wasn't all negative - Shel had skin to skin with Jazz until I got there, which was great for their bonding, and at least my little babe got that contact. Our first breastfeed was 2 hours after birth, and yes even though there was that and the c/s our bfing relationship is fine, 7.5 months on and still going great so it isn't the be all end all. It sometimes upsets me still that I lost that time, but ... I try to think of it as 2 hours... 2 hours out of her whole life... the longer I dwell on that, the less time I am spending with her right now KWIM? They say its the most special and magical time, and yeah, it is, but then... it all is So if worst comes to it and you aren't allowed bub in recovery, its ok It might be disappointing, but you'll have so much time the rest of their life (or at least childhood LOL), try not to dwell too much on those first two hours.
As for the colostrum. Ok. Are you able to express some now? If you start trying now you could be able to take it to the hospital so that if bubs blood sugar falls and you aren't there they can give him your colostrum rather than formula? Your partner could feed the colostrum too?
I am not sure what they do in the avent that baby needs to be fed as my DD was in NICU and wasn't given colostrum until on day 2, this was her first feed, she never had formula, they came to me and asked if I was planning on BF and asked me to express some colostum for them. Until then they hadn't even spoke to me about expressing/BF - I didn't know what I was meant to do .
I think that you need to express all of these feelings with your ob, I know where you are coming from and it is so very distressing, I cannot believe that these days they are able to take you baby and those precious moments away from you, it makes me so angry.
Write it all down you may forget all of your points once you are there, I think you will have more chance if you are passionate and have the alot of good reasoning to support you (which I really agree, you do )
As for the family, I had my parents and MIL waiting for us. I asked where they would wait and was told 'in my room', I asked were would DH and baby wait 'in my room' Ahhh, NO! - I made my family wait down 5 levels in the ground floor cafe , just in case they may by any chance get a peep before I came back, if that was to happen. I told them either DH would come and get them or call once they were allowed to come up! I wanted DH and I to introduce our DD as a couple also.... it wasn't just about the bonding and cuddles, it was my parents first grandDAUGHTER and I wanted to be there to see them meet.
Thanks girls for your suggestions. It definitely helps to get different perspectives and I need to try and come to terms with what may happen before it actually happens IYKWIM. It's just the way I am, and after taking over 4 years to get to the point of having our baby I have been having trouble dealing with the fact that once again I have no control over anything.
Leasha, I have spoken to an ABA counsellor about expressing, so it is definitely something I am going to try in a couple of weeks. When I mentioned it to the midwife however, she was horrified that I would be expressing before giving birth. I had it on my birth plan and her words were "well NO, you WON'T be expressing before birth". I told her about the information I had been given from the ABA and she didn't say anything more. I have an electric pump so will give it a go soon. I just hope I can get some! I've had no leaking or sign of colostrum so far. The point you made about PND is something I am concerned about as well since I already have risk factors due to LTTTC/IVF etc. I feel depressed just thinking about it now, and need to get my head around it beforehand and try to make the best of a not so ideal situation.
DD, I have been discussing the grandparent thing with DH today. He actually suggested we wouldn't tell his mother until after he is born and we are ready for visitors (she only lives 5mins from the hospital and will be banging down the door despite our requests, because she's already said she has to be the first to see him). As for my mum, she's a couple of hours away so if she promises to respect our wishes and just stay at our house until DH calls her, I will let her know when we are going in. No one else will know - because another reason is I won't get any peace and quiet the night before because of phone calls!!
I'm going to relax for the weekend and then think about it a bit more when we know what we're dealing with after Monday's ultrasound. I just have to chill out and try and let go of some of these control issues I have!!
I was never seperated from my baby, she was checked out, wrapped up and handed to her daddy while i was stitched up the handed to me and i was wheeled to my room within an hour post op
I was told that in the case of a c.section that I would not have baby with me in recovery and I freaked out and asked why. They said because the recovery had other woman in there (shared ward not private rm like when i had my first c.sect), some of whom might have lost babies. To be fair to them they didnt let anyone have baby in with them. SHe also said that the staff in recovery were not midwives....
It upset me so much. Fortunate for me and DS I did not have a c.section.
Megsmum, thank you for sharing your experience. I'm feeling much better about things at the moment considering my scan this morning confirmed that bub is in a complete breech position. I have tried a few things to get him to turn, but he seems happy where he is (or stubborn!), so we are more than likley going to be having a c/s. If I can manage to express some colostrum, DH will be in charge of that while I am in recovery. i spoke to the midwife this morning who said occassionally if it is quiet and there are midwives standing around twiddling their thumbs, then one is likely to sit with me in recovery with bub, but apparently it happens rarely.
The thought was distressing to me last week, but I am trying to accept it because I want to stay as positive as i can about it all.
Salsa, that's a valid reason for not having babies in recovery. Although I would imagine that would be the case with bigger hospitals where they have lots of people in and out of recovery every day. Sounds like in the case of my hospital it's just a staffing issue.
You can let them know after the birth if/when you want them there.
So if worst comes to it and you aren't allowed bub in recovery, its ok
It might be disappointing, but you'll have so much time the rest of their life (or at least childhood LOL), try not to dwell too much on those first two hours.
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, just in case they may by any chance get a peep before I came back, if that was to happen. I told them either DH would come and get them or call once they were allowed to come up! I wanted DH and I to introduce our DD as a couple also.... it wasn't just about the bonding and cuddles, it was my parents first grandDAUGHTER and I wanted to be there to see them meet.
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