PET sounds kinda useless. We don't have logical, solveable arguments. We have weird irrational ones and the worst arguments are because we don't understand WTF DD#1 is on about or where she is coming from. The whole thing boils down to the weirdest communication problem known to mankind.
We try and just drop it - 99% of the time she wants *less* than we are willing to offer and she won't compromise and take *more*, which is a source of arguments on its own - but sometimes the stuff she does is just so bizarre we push to know why. Which ends in an argument ...
Like right now, where she is looking for a water bottle, I just told her where the water bottles are, and she is refusing to use the ones that we have used in the past because ... they're used. She won't accept that they are the only drink bottles, they are perfectly clean, and she NEEDS a drink bottle. An argument that is impossible to win from either side. Her solution? She is going to go thirsty. Whatever, not worth continuing THIS argument.
No real surprise that most of the anti-conflict information on the internet is useless. The other kid is at least rational - right now she's having a meltdown because she can't come on big sister's bike trip. Much easier to understand.
The best arguments wtih DD#1 are about money. As in I want to pay her to do a small job, she wants money, but doesn't want to do the job. And she chose her own jobs and volunteered to do them - and used to do them anyway before I paid her for them! She solves these arguments without us by getting other people (including other children) to buy her stuff instead of earning her own money because her horrible mother refuses to give her money for stuff, and this has been going on for YEARS. Its not setting her up for a good work ethic or giving any value to money at all, which peeves me something severe.
Last edited by deletedit; July 31st, 2010 at 01:27 PM.
thanks so much guys.
thanks BB i'll have a look at that book.
i went to a seminar about raising boys
Steve Biddulph. the book is called "raising boys"
it was very interesting.
he said a teenage boy will fight with a stop sign !!!!!!
we got reports from school today and it said DS1 was quiet and always polite and helpfull ??????????????????
what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i must have got the wrong report????????????????
the argueing continues
although he is eating his lunch more, we discobered he liked spreadable tuna and so thats what i've been getting most of the time.
have tried more bargaining rather than demanding, it's a little easier
i am giving rewards for good behaviour and all th boys are saving up for a big reward atm so this is helping a little.
two steps forward then one back, slow progress.
keep up the good work mums and dads and hopefully our kids will turn out o.k
OMG did my DS come and live with you for a while because it is like reading a typical day in my house. My DD15 is a lovely child that has given me next to no grief whilst hitting teenagerhood. My DS is an angry surly nasty little creature that at times is the most beautiful loving wonderful child, but is the former most of the time. Nothing is his fault, we are all just picking on him and are against him arrrrrrrggg I love him dearly but at times want to lock him in a box and poke him with a stick lol PS I would never do that by the way!!!!
I think all we can do is hang on for the ride and hope that one day the sun will shine again.....good luck ladies and gents just know you are not alone somewhere out there someone else is battling a preteen just like yours. Well it makes me feel better to know that it is not just my son lol xxxx
We are still having the arguments and now it has turned violent. DS1 now throws everything, hits his brother and tonight has hit DF but said he didn't mean it. Now DF and DS have a problem anyway as they have nothing in common. DS is very active and DF is a computer nerd. I am not sure what to do now. Do I make him live with his dad and stepmum?? Any one have any ideas on what to do cause we have run out of tactics
Honestly wish I had a better idea, but I am at a loss on what to do with my two. I feel like an ogre because I am almost always 'on their case' iykwim. But I am not going to let up just because of that. I find yelling at a 1yo to F*** off is completely reprehensible. She is also flinging her around and tossing her on the lounge and it makes my blood boil. I won't have my child acting so damned immoral, let alone risking the health of their little sister!
Wish I could send them to military school or something because both teenagers are rapidly leeching all the joy out of my house with their attitudes. They refuse to accept any responsibility in it either. Angel went feral at my DH one morning for waking her up at 10:30am to go for a drive to QLD that she knew all about the night before. Only we were evil cruel vicious people who were only doing it because we hate her. "Whatever".. the answer to every 'well this is the part where YOU bear responsibility too'.
And she wants us to treat her like a 'grown up'. No dear, we are going to continue to treat you like a teenager, because that is EXACTLY what you are, and EXACTLY how you are acting.
honey aspen: military school sounds so inviting atm. lol
DS is now 12 and things just get worse everyday. we just had 5 days away without any kids and he started almost strait away !!
actually he just pushed his younger brother into the middle brother because he didn't say please when he asked DS1 to get off his bed. ?????? he makes me so so angry !!!!!
but i am finding that making him go without things has the best results atm. he missed out on an icecream yesterday arvo and was much better behaved so i let him have a spa last night which is a real treat for them to have one alone .
i sometimes don't know what to do with him. he is so aggro all the time, hormones ?, and he is about to start highschool and the fun will really start then.
i wish i had the answers
i know it'll be hard but i'm not expecting any miracles.
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Wish I had an answer.
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