i have a 13 nearly 14 yo dd. and its bloody hard work! Even with my studying to be a secondary teacher and KNOWING that her frontal lobe of her brain is still developing - the part of her brain that enables her to make reasonable decisions and be rational - she still drives me to distraction. Sometimes I look at her and wonder where my beautiful daughter has gone! A big thing that I do in my house is actions have consequences. if she misbehaves she loses priviledges - not using the computer, not being able to socialise with her friends, taking her music off her etc. And when she speaks to me disrespectfully, i take her mobile phone off her saying to her if she can't communicate with me respectfully, then she can't communicate with anyone.

The fact that you ended up having an anxiety attack because of HER behaviour is not ok. and she needs to know this. you having an anxiety attack was a consequence of HER behaviour. You are pregnant, and dont need the stress of worrying about what she is or isnt doing.

Does she have responsibilites at home? things that she HAS to do? Like the dishes, take the washing off the line, fold it up etc? Privledges are earnt - not just a given. Just like in the real world when she has to be responsible for herself her actions are going to have consequences.

This age is so difficult - they are niether a child or an adult, but in the horrible place of limbo where they oscilate between the two. Its frustrating and painful being the adult, as you watch them potentially self destruct. The other suggestion is to get her involved in something that has rules and boundaries. my DD is involved with emergency services cadets. It was something she wanted to do and I was all for it.

Something else I have done is placed women in her life, who I respect and know that they will be a good influence with her, that she can speak to when she is so angry at me she doesnt want to talk to me. One of these women is closer in age to her then she is to me (ten years older then dd).

The other thing I would suggest is sit down with her quietly - not the heavy conversation, or even do it while your driving somewhere, or go and have lunch together, and explain that her behaviour is having a profound affect on your health, and that being pregnant it can have devasting consequences. talk about the positive things about having her living with you (and I know right now you will probably have to dig deep to find some!)

Speak to other women who have teenage girls, find out what works for them. surround yourself with people that are going to champion you on. I also recommend several great books that I have found helpful for me, and my dd. Princess *****face Syndrome by Michael Carr-Gregg, Girl Stuff by Kaz Cooke, Surviving Adolescence by Michael Carr - gregg - and another one Celebrating Girls and Embracing Persephone by Virginia Beane Ruter. Look for information hun.

And all of this experience is going to help you as you navigate your way through the minefield of teenagehood with your little one. and when your little one turns 13 - you can send her to be with her aunty!!

Hang in there - but most of all TAKE CARE OF YOU!