Food aversion

[Traveller]

My 8 year old son started life as a great eater, but gradually he reduced the foods he would eat and now we have a problem. He refuses to eat most healthy carbs, eating only apples and sometimes strawberries or tomatoes. He regularly hides his sandwich, apple and yoghurt from lunch and I have found piles of rotting food in his room. He only eats junk food, biscuits, muesli bars, etc. Lately when we encourage him to eat his veggies at dinner he gets so upset and gags then vomits.

A lot of his behaviors I recognise from my time spent nursing people with eating disorders and from my own bulemia but I'm not sure if how I respond to bulemia is appropriate for a child. For example tonight after he stashed most of his dinner in his pockets I sat with him as he finished. When he vomited it all up I cooked him more and made him eat. I want to remove all junk food (not that we have much) from the house but im worried this will lead to him losing weight. He's already super skinny.

Does anyone have any experience or advice? Should I take him to a child psychologist or am I reading too much into this based on my own history of hiding food and binging which started at not much older than him. I'm seeing a dietician soon myself but have my own bad eating habits done their damage already?

[MrsFabuloso]

That sounds like some serious food issues. I would definitely be taking him to the GP at least, but also looking to get a referral to a psych or someone who deals with food issues in children. If only for you to learn or be reinforced with strategies to cope with him and help him cope.

[Astrolady]

Wow Trav. I thought we had issues with my kids not eating, but they don't go to that extreme. I think maybe seeing a psych might be a good idea considering he is resorting to hiding food and vomiting.

[Traveller]

Damn I was hoping you would reassure me that this was normal and he would grow out of it

[Amity]

Definitely psych time.

[nothing2lose]

I know this isn't the same but I used to hide food (think casserole in pockets) if I didn't like it. I would also make myself sick if i was made to eat something i didnt want to. I didn't do it in secret. It was there and then at the dinner table in a display of "I'll show you" to my parents. I am not sure that is too unusual I can see why you are concerned though.

Maybe look on Eating Disorders Australia's website for ideas ?

There are also paeds who specialise in this sort of thing.

[Traveller]

Thanks n2l that's really reassuring I did the same myself but I can hardly base my idea of normal on my own experience. Ill call camhs on Tuesday for some advice and see what they say but for the meantime I might just stick with enforcing participation at meals and positive reinforcement. Unsure what to do about the annual Sunday choc fest though.

[Trillian]

I think it's Dr time too the vomiting could just be part of the power struggle - you make him eat it, but he vomits it back up to regain control over what goes into his body. Either way it's quite a serious thing for him to be doing. My DS2 is the same in that he has decided that he won't eat bread anymore, but it's not to that extreme at all.

[nothing2lose]

Can you bargain with him - "you eat x and you can have an egg'?

Or is that bad parenting?

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Can you bargain with him - "you eat x and you can have an egg'?

Or is that bad parenting?

lol bad parenting?? Wow i'm in trouble then

I think it's time for Dr/psych too Trav

[Traveller]

Lol at the bad parenting, bribery is one of my favourite parenting techniques!

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Phew - glad i'm not the only one

[Arcadia]

I might be way off the mark but is it possible your own eating issues as a young person has made you more conscious of healthy eating and so this might be a reaction to a stricter attitude about food?

What happens if you try to change the whole dynamic around food? Perhaps he had to start packing his own lunch, and if he doesn't want to eat dinner then don't make him. If you don't want him to fill up on junk then I would limit access by refusing to buy it and offering money for canteen.

It sounds like a power struggle, and as a mother our instinct is to feed our children, but he is carving out his own identity and I think he might need some space to do so.

Family meals are great, but they shouldn't be stressful. I would just put meals on the table and everyone has to serve themselves. Let him serve himself what he wants and pick at it as he chooses without any pressure and see if less attention makes any difference . I'd say it would take a few weeks to see any difference.

I don't think he needs a psych. My sister was exactly the same. Vomiting and all. She ONLY ate Vegemite sandwiches for a while there and mum and dad had to pack them when we went out to restaurants. Now as an adult she eats everything. When we asked her about her food issues, she said it was the pressure of being forced to eat and try things. She didn't like the attention.

My dad is a GP and thought she would grow out of it and she did eventually. Good luck.

Eta: obviously I am assuming he is not physically unwell or undernourished and will not starve himself, which would need medical help.

[Traveller]

Thanks Arcadia that's really reassuring. At the moment he does pack his own lunch and we do have meals when he serves himself which go ok. I am conscious that to me food is a battle and a serious issue and the very last thing I want to do is create the same cycle with my boy. Hes not underweight yet so qw have some time. Maybe I can hold off on calling camhs. My main concern is that when he goes back to school he will hide food again but I can wait a few weeks and see if improving things at home will help.

I had an idea of creating a food chart with one collumn for foods he eats and another for foods he refuses then challenging him to move a food every few days into the foods he eats collumn. Does that sound positive? Letting him be in charge of which foods he tries or would that create even more pressure?

[Eenee]

It seems to be to much focus around food and that could make it more of an issue than it is. If you want him to eat good foods then maybe it might be the time to remove junk foods out of the house for now. Use some of the suggestions Arcadia suggested. If he doesn't want to eat don't force him for now, let him know its ok and he doesn't have to hide it. If he doesn't want to eat it bring it home or leave it on his plate. Ignore the issue at the moment or it could become more of an issue. Then see how that goes after a few weeks. If he is seeming to starve himself more and still hiding food after you have reassured him its ok that he doesn't want to eat it then maybe you might have to look into it further.
And at this point I think the chart would create too much pressure.

Totally get your concerns and as someone who has been through the whole eating disorder thing myself it is worrying to think our children could go through the same.

[Traveller]

Thanks eenee, I guess my concern is that we have tried ignoring it but he still hid food but we haven't tried ignoring it in conjunction with having no muesli bars, etc in the house. The difficulty being that I have three other kids who seem to never stop eating and I can't afford to just feed them fruit for snacks so I keep a variety of food around.

[Arcadia]

Yeah I know how hard it is to please everyone. We were a family of six too growing up and mum had both fussy eaters and big eaters.

I think you need to look at the ultimate outcome you want. Do you want him to eat more in general, or eat more vegetables, or eat more at dinner time or just not hide food?

I would just tackle one of these outcomes. I personally think the hiding if food is a symptom of too much pressure to eat things so that might be solved by less pressure in general.

I would get some books about our bodies and the role of food in health and digestion. Maybe you could get a food pyramid type diagram and talk about food types and play a game where kids put a magnet on the type if food they are eating. In terms of health.if you focus on health and bodies and not quantity or specific foods then you might find he starts regulating it himself.

It shouldn't be a competition though. I would sell it as 'you are old enough to take some responsibility for your body and its health'. Just an idea.

[Eenee]

More ignore the not eating rather than the hiding. Don't get angry at hiding but say you don't have to hide it if you don't want to eat it leave it there. And keep reinforcing that as it may take awhile to change that behaviour.

It's a hard situation I understand that