Matilda's been mean all day to other girls & her sister. She's always had a tendancy to be mean, but its been bad lately. When I catch her in the act I get down to her level & hold her hands. I say "Matilda that behaviour is mean. Other people won't want to play with you if you are mean. You need to say sorry now" Often it becomes a battle over saying sorry.
Today she refused to share with her friend who decided to go home because she didn't want to play with Matilda anymore (fair enough), than she was playing with Jovie and because Jovie was holding a doll that previously she showed no interest towards she scratched her in the face. Jovie had blood coming out and everything. I went in & held Matilda's hands and said "I can't believe you just hurt your sister, she is bleeding. That isn't nice. You have to come and say sorry now and you have to sit in the corner and think about what has just happened" She screamed sorry and then sat in the corner and laughed to herself.
How old is she? I'd say just a phase but I can understand your frustration at her actions. I think what you are doing and saying to her is spot on. Hopefully the more you repeat it, the more it'll sink in. And if her friends go home or not want to come over she might realise that its not nice. Hope Matilda is in a better mood tomorrow for you and that Jovie feels better
If she's gotten worse lately, has there been a trigger for it? Apart from what you're doing with her when she's done it, I don't know what else to suggest. One thing I do do with mine is that I tend not to make them apologise in the heat of the moment - I make them go to their room for a little while (usually a few minutes only) and let them think about what they've just done and they are usually a lot more contrite and when they apologise when they come out, they usually mean it then instead of an angry/forced apology, but Im not sure if that would work for her either?
Not sure if this would work or not, but maybe when she is calm you could chat about mean behaviour, maybe about times when people have been mean to Matilda, and write a little story about it... remind her of what she felt when people were mean, ask if she liked feeling like that, and and have the story go something like "when ____ did this it was mean, it made me feeling ____, i didn't like feeling like that. when I did this to ____, it made her feel ____". Just relating the feelings, reminding her that others feel the same things that she does when something mean happens to them. And then when she does something mean, bring out the story, remind her... it seems a bit tedious especially if shes acting like that alot, but it is something that has worked for some children.
Hope I explained that ok? I think you'll know what I mean. Not sure if its something that would work for her but I hope for your sake (and Jovie's!) that it does!!!!!!!
I know it's not getting down to the reasons for it, but I remember something Bathsheba said once (maybe more than once!) about kids being mean or lashing out at other kids.
She suggested that she 'tends to the injured' and effectively ignores the perpetrator.
I can't remember if she said to deal with the perpetrator later, I guess from there you need to look at approaches for bringing it up and talking about it that will work for that individual child. The crux, however, was that the perpetrator sees that by lashing out, they effect the end of someone else getting all that attention and experiencing a level of ostracism because of their actions. It's a kind of natural justice, I tend to think. Left on their own at a slightly older age (say about 5 and up) kids will ostracise such a child anyway and play amongst themselves anyway.
I don't know how much this helps, but I"m starting to do this with DS, as he's starting to throw his weight around from time to time.
I feel ya pain, and I do try what Maya mentioned but sometimes it makes him even more wild and seems to be yet another reason for a tanty . Give it a go though, it makes me feel better to handle it this way.
You know that is exactly the advice I'd give a puppy's owners in puppy preschool, with the exception of squirting with a water pistol if they got too bad... I think I will try that one for a while & see how we go.
At a loss today....
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. Give it a go though, it makes me feel better to handle it this way.
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