I am having an increasingly hard time with my DS. He's almost 6. He has always been hard work, but lately it's getting worrying. I know he's had some changes this year with first me being pregnant (tired, grumpy, usual pregnancy stuff) and now having a new baby in the family. But I don't know if his behaviour is 'normal/acceptable' considering those changes.

He's very angry, he won't do anything he doesn't want to do, he just says no. He has no respect for authority, he has no respect for our house, his belongings, etc. For the first time yesterday, I was quite worried he might hurt DD. I had asked him to do something, and as usual he refused, and it ended with me growling and him getting angry and throwing a tantrum. I was rocking DD to sleep in my arms. He hit me and kicked me a few times, I ignored him. Sometimes it seems he does stuff for a reaction, so this time I didn't give him one. But then he took my thong and hit it over the arm of the couch, just cm's away from DD's head. I moved DD right away from him.

He refuses to get in the shower at night, screams no, I don't want a shower, I hate showers, etc etc. Then when we finally manage to get him in there, he will refuse to get out. It's a battle every night with dinner, it seems not to matter what we dish up, he hates it, doesn't want it, I'm not hungry, etc. Then 5 mins later is asking for food.

If he's sent to his room for timeout, he stands in the doorway and spits, throws things, pokes his tongue out, pulls his pants down and pokes his bottom out.

We've tried calmly talking, yelling and growling, time out, special privileges taken away, toys taken away, smacking, reward/sticker charts, asking him why, ignoring his bad behaviour & praising his brother's good behaviour, lots of praise for the rare times he does listen..

For the most part, lately I had put it down to having a new baby, but yesterday I had (well-meaning) family members telling me I need to sort this out ASAP, if he's like this now imagine him when he's older, so-and-so was like this and look what happened when he hit his teen years, etc etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. Every time I battle with him I end up feeling like a failure. I keep wondering where I went wrong??

I should add, he's pretty well behaved at school. His teacher was shocked when I mentioned his spits, hits and kicks when he doesn't get his own way at home. She said he's definitely not like that at school. He's not the best behaved in the class, but he doesn't carry on there like he does at home.