BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
bilby's dad's fridge was very bare, i suspect more to do, with his lack of planning, (used the day before xmas to do things that really could have waited, rather than doing the weekly food shopping - which was sorely needed). He kept giving her white bread rolls with cheese on them every few hours, so she technically was being given food - but wasn't eating it. I can't understand why he would invite us over (bilby's desire, was to have xmas with both of us), with so little food in. I felt embarrassed once i realised. Went home last night with bad hunger pains.
i do go thru with her - if you weren't here, i would be devastated, daddy would be devastated, list off all the people who would miss her. List all the people who love how she draws, mention how many people love her just because she is her, not because of anything she does.
We are alone at xmas because bilby has one little cousin, same age, who lives interstate. There are no grandparents. One auntie, who has gone on holiday. That's it. Bilby is alone most of the time. I will attempt to arrange some playdates during the holidays (inbetween 12.15 VACswim lessons). All her classmates live 30mins away (near her school). One mum wanted us to go iceskating with her and her DD, but i declined, we need low cost playdates. Bilby is very social, loves being with other kids. I struggle with being able to provide her with that. Our neighbourhood is very dodgy, so she is not playing with the other kids on our street.
thanks for listening to my vent. i just want to make it better for her, and obv i can't. Doesn't stop me desiring to fix it for her, irrational i know.
I think it would be worth talking her Dad about his priorities. I would suspect bilby is reading into things & making her own judgement on them. For example, he had other things to do the on christmas eve. When he could have been shopping.
Bilby may think he did not think SHE (and you) was not important enough for him to think about going shopping for, so you had a nice meal on xmas day.
He simply didn't think & Im sure it wasn't a case of not caring enough. BUT Bilby would be taking everything to heart & then letting her self believe its her.
Sit her down & talk to her about yesterday & find away to explain that her Dad can be a little absent minded sometimes & it is in no way a reflection of his love for her or her importance to him.
When someone is depressed, those thoughts seem rational. Whilst telling her positive thoughts are important, it wont necessarily fix things. An appointment with a child psychologist or psychiatrist is important.
I know it's tough dealing with someone who is angry and depressed.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
i had no high expectations of xmas lunch, i didn't expect roast and trimmings etc, i just thought there would be at least enough food in the house for sandwiches, at least. I knew, the most important thing was, that bilby got to spend xmas how she wanted, with both parents present.
huge hugs Gigi as others have said, suicidal thoughts seem rational when someone is depressed and it is very hard to find a way through that. I'm so glad you have an appointment with mental health services and hopefully they will find a way through to Bilby and help her see her true worth. Can you include her dad in this so that he can see the impact that his lack of planning has had on her? Not to make him feel bad but so that he can ensure he is supporting her recovery too.
Oh Gigi! I've just seen your initial post! How unsettling, worrying, sickening, plus so much more.
I felt a huge sense of reassurance that you've already sought professional help from outside.
Until then, if this was me and my DD, i'd make a bigger effort at home (and I know you make a super HUGE effort with Bilby anyway ) to google 'positive, self affirming tasks for children' or other activities that focus on the 'All about Me' side of her. I will also hunt for some enriching activities later and pass them on to you.
A bit about me. At the age of 7 years, I also fantasised the same morbid thoughts, not because I desired to die, but I *think* because I was so aware of immortality at such a young age. I used to imagine 'how' I would do die, the circumstances behind my death, and other people's reactionsto my death etc It is very morbid. As a young child, I would also draw images of my grave & write eulogies! I was sent to a psych, again. It was put down to a death in my family, that I had struggled to cope with and understand.
I suppose what i'm trying to say is, the idea has come to her from somewhere, and she is perhaps exploring the notion of immortality also.
Let me know how you go, and I will send some activites through soon xx
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
cass72 - bilby doesn't have much access to tv (only ABC2 in limited doses), no electronic games, no computer etc.
Her dad often takes her on bike rides thru a local cemetery, which i'm sure, heightens her awareness of death and dying. He has alot of trouble discerning what is and what is not "age appropriate" conversations and topics, to discuss with a 6yo - i'm not there when these occur, so hard for me to know exactly what he's talking about with her, i just get to find out bits and bobs from her.
She doesn't use the word "suicide" as such. But i agree, all these things she IS saying, could be a cry for help. She seems angry and depressed - i think she feels totally powerless, to get her mum and dad to live together in same house again - which is true - she wants it, it's not going to happen. She feels powerless to have more family, wants siblings, wants grandparents, wants cousins to play with - none of this is going to happen.
i think the bullying she has experienced at school, has had an effect to, like a "giving up". Like she values herself less now. (after ONE year at school, in Reception for crying out loud).
sunny - i would be very interested to hear about the enriching activities you mention, thanks so much.
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) to google 'positive, self affirming tasks for children' or other activities that focus on the 'All about Me' side of her. I will also hunt for some enriching activities later and pass them on to you.
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