We are at a total loss of how to handle this

[Arimeh]

OK. DS has always been on the sensitive side, and lately, his behaviour is driving us up the wall.

About two weeks ago, he started complaining of tummy pain. Just random times, and it wasn't anything serious.

Then on Sunday night, he started getting really upset, and saying that his tummy hurt really bad, he couldn't sleep etc etc. So DH took him down to the docs, they said he had a lump in his tummy, but it wasn't a hernia and they didn't really know what it was. So they gave us a sample jar and said if it still hurts in two days, get a urine sample. So, the next day, I pick him up from school, he is in tears and in a small room off to the side, and leaning over an ice cream container, saying that his tummy is really bad and he wanted to vomit. He hasn't vomited from these "pains".

He doesn't have a temperature. We took him back to the doctor yesterday, they took an xray, all perfectly normal except for a small amount of poo they could see (but not impacted) and some large pockets of gas. I worked on his belly all afternoon getting gas out.

His behaviour is perfectly normal most of the time, except for when he's going to bed, or leading up to going to bed, or going to school - then the "belly pains" come back.

This morning he was basically hysterical getting him ready for school and I had to chase him around the car and house to get him in the bloody car to drive to school. He bawled all the way to school.

We had a word to him early in the morning about going to school, why doesn't he want to, he claimed that nobody wants to play with him, and they are all nasty to him. When I told his teacher today what was going on, she said that he is one of the most popular kids in school and all the kids like him.

I have no idea how to handle this "belly pain". We give him infants friend (he thinks its panadol cos he knows panadol takes away pain), and I rub it. But he bawls and bawls and bawls and goes basically friggin hysterical, so we give him some rescue remedy incase its just anxiety - but it doesn't help.

We have no idea what to do. Suggestions welcome.

We have a referral to a paediatric behavioural specialist for DD1 because she has a few behavioural issues that concern us, but I'm wondering if I should get a referral for DS as well. Hell, maybe I'll go for a family referral and get a discount.

[Liviam]

DS1 has been doing this too and we have worked out he does it when he is feeling a bit left out and wanting a bit more attention and cuddles.

The way we chose to handle it was to ignore it, calm him down and distract him. Has worked a treat every time.

Good luck.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

When i was a child i used to get butterflies in my belly whenever i was nervous or anxious they would sometimes feel like knots in my belly if i was really worked up. I would say something is going on at school to set off those "belly pains". Maybe the teacher is misinterpreting him being popular as him being bullied by a large amount of children.

Maybe you could try getting him to speak with a counsellor or setting up a meeting with his teacher. If all the tests show hes perfectly healthy i'd say its psychological.

[kateo]

Do you have to go to work? Could you possibly spend some or all of the day "helping" at his school? Sometimes I have seen this (from a teaching viewpoint) and have found that little people just need mum about a bit more for a day or so. You don't need to be in his pocket but perhaps help out in the classroom and possibly do some organised games at lunch or help out in the canteen. It would give you a chance to assess for yourself how school is really going and perhaps give him some confidence to face school as well.

I totally agree with the conversation thing too. I suggest trying "I bet it's really awful having such a sore tummy. Can you tell me exactly what it feels like?
Do you know why you have a tummy ache? have you been eating different things?
If you can when he doesn't have a sore tummy ask him why he thinks his tummy doesn't hurt now.
Sometimes little people will tell you whats really going on if you ask the right way. Sort of let them do their own problem solving.
Keep in mind noone ever wants a sore tummy so trying to solve the problem together might work.
I wish you all the luck in the world and really hope it's not something serious.
Oh and by the way I did have a bout of this with a group of girls in a class once. One of them had real stomach problems and had a lot of time off school and hospital visits and several of her friends had sympathetic pain. I do believe they really did have sore tummies but I think it was in sympathy with their friend. Once she was sorted the problem of tummy aches seemed to go away!

[Maruschke]

Can you plan a special activity for just him and you/DH each day that takes about 15 minutes? And when he gets like this, remind him that this special thing is coming again? Maybe playing the wii, or something else he likes doing with you?

[LuluHB]

DD2 says she gets a lot of tummy pains and like you've described mostly they are at bed time, or else off to kindy or something she doesn't want to do. She is medicated for severe anxiety and her paed is sure that the two are related. I'm a migraine sufferer too and abdominal migraines were my initial worry but we've ruled that out. She asks for medicine and says she needs cuddles. If its bed time she tells me she won't be able to sleep because her tummy hurts so much and needs me to stay with her or she gets very upset. Most of the time I just deal with it by saying well, the best thing for a tummy ache is sleep so how about we lie down together and go to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I also do what Maruschke suggests and offer DD2 something special to do the next day, after kindy or whatever works in the situation.

[Arimeh]

Lulu - we still sit with him to go to sleep, we always have. Usually its DH putting him to bed. None of my kids fall asleep on their own - unfortunately!!! How did they rule out that it wasn't migraines?

[Astrid]

With DD1 the promise of something exciting could make her tummy worse. Like with a long drive, she would be sick on the trip there, but not on the way back. They can get anxious about fun/good things. I would probably just work with consistency.

[LuluHB]

She's had a couple of CT scans and also blood tests. Very hard with little people who can't really articulate what they are feeling - try explaining to a child what an aura is! Also physical exams such as retinal reactions when she is complaining of these pains together with keeping a diary of food intake, activity, sleep patterns etc. I guess I should say they can't 100% rule out that its migraines but they're pretty close to being that confident. Her anxiety makes it very difficult because until very recently she wouldn't let anyone touch her, and so she's had to be anaesthetised to carry out procedures - obviously something we try and avoid unless there's no possible alternative.

I hear you on the sleep. Mine have only just turned the corner to going to sleep without us sitting with them, and it can still be hit and miss with DD2.

[Keta]

I have found asking the teacher to give the child a 'special' role in the mornings can help with school refusal. Also a schedule that shows daily activities can help if novelty is an issue. There is some great books about worry that can be good with little kids. Teaching anxiety management rather
Than focusing on the current behaviour will probably be good too (eg deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, positive self talk, etc). A book I love is 'mind your mind' which is a cognitive behavioral therapy approach for children. It has two characters in it 1. The head hassler who is the negative thoughts and 2. The mind master who is the positive thoughts. Great for focusing on how to cope and developing life skills.
I personally would steer away from questions and too much attention on the undesired behaviour if it is attention driven and focus on positive desired behaviours.

Hope that all made sense!

[Astrid]

Went through all the tummy pain stuff with DD1 (linking my thread about it: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...in-6yo-166351/)

It does seem to be mostly anxiety related and certainly seemed to diminish after she had blood test (DH refused to let her have emla gel to numb the area). I assume she was put off by the "bad" attention of the needles. There has been a lot of improvement this year, as she has really settle quite well into school. Even though the teachers say they are fine and have friends, they see it differently themselves. DD1 had to learn that "I don't want to play that game" did not mean "I don't want to be friends with you". She is also a perfectionist, so can get stressed if she does not know, or thinks she may not know it 100%. Thankfully her teacher has picked that up and is working with her on it.

I would suggest getting what tests you can, just in case there is something going on medically. Also work with his teacher as to what is going on, keep talking to them about how he is going at home and ask them about how he is going at school.

Best of luck - it is a tough situation

[Jakabella]

I would think it would be anxiety related. Maybe a stalling tactic so that you might keep him home??

I would still take him to the Pead just incase there is some underlying issue.

Does he suffer IBS? I know that when Im in times of high stress that I get an IBS attack but not the poo (sorry TMI) but I get the pains. Just a thought.

[HotI]

Have you asked him what he thinks will help? it might help you work out what is happening (if it is anxiety driven)

[Ambersky]

We get the Tummy pains thing from 5yo DD1 on a daily basis at the moment, after initial concern, i now say "oh dear.. lets get on with ..... and see if it goes away" i noticed it happens more often if she knows DD2 and i are doing something while she will be at school, or bed times about 2 nights out of 5. After a few days of my almost non reaction it happens much less often. I try and make plans for a special her and me time the next weekend time if I'm aware she thinks she is missing out during the week.

[Arimeh]

Have you asked him what he thinks will help? it might help you work out what is happening (if it is anxiety driven)

He wants medicine, or to see a doctor. But we've taken him to two different doctors, both of them said nothing is wrong, its attention driven, and one mentioned migraines.

Which is funny - because I'm a migraine sufferer......

I just read through your thread Astrid, how is your DD1 now? It seems like the same sort of thing here I can definitely see how he would link the "I don't want to play that game" as being "I don't want to be friends with you".

LMS - I don't think he is being bullied, the kids do seem genuinely excited when they see him turn up every morning, and when he was in daycare last year, he used to be mobbed by the girls when he arrived - we used to call him the rock star.. LOL

[Astrid]

I just read through your thread Astrid, how is your DD1 now? It seems like the same sort of thing here I can definitely see how he would link the "I don't want to play that game" as being "I don't want to be friends with you".

She is so much better now. Still the odd tummy ache and complaints of sloppy poos, but nothing like she was. On her bad days I would always talk to the teacher in the morning and then she would give me feedback in the afternoon. We found a pattern of her having tummy aches when doing something new. Once she knew the routine, the rules and how things worked in general, she really improved (something I completely understand). She does have a lot of friends and they say she quite popular (even back in kinder apparently). I wonder if being popular maybe has its own issues??

We did get her a heat pack to use with her tummy aches on the suggestion of the paed (to do with giving her control over it), but sadly she hated the smell of it.

[dantri]

Have you ruled out food intolerances? I'm not a mum (yet) but I work with kids and once worked with a little boy who complained of tummy pain like "cables" in his belly. He seemed in a lot of pain and it turned out he was coeliac. Another little girl was similar and we worked out that she had a dairy intolerance (not allergy). Just a thought.

Another thought, has anybody recently been ill in your family/group of friends? Could he be imitating what they did that caused them lots of positive attention? Ie pain then doctors and medicine.

I hope you find a solution soon, it sounds distressing for you all. Hugs!


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[myturn]

I would suggest getting what tests you can, just in case there is something going on medically. Also work with his teacher as to what is going on, keep talking to them about how he is going at home and ask them about how he is going at school.

I agree! Definitely keep going back and go to a specialist - rule things out, so that you know for sure that nothing is going on. If all the medical tests show nothing, then you know it's psychological - as a psychologist myself, I can't really work with a child unless I know for sure it's not medical.

He wants medicine, or to see a doctor. But we've taken him to two different doctors, both of them said nothing is wrong, its attention driven, and one mentioned migraines.

Which is funny - because I'm a migraine sufferer......

I have had a client with a history of stomach migranes before - funny cause I've never heard about it before last year, and here's another person mentioning them! I'd get that explored a bit more too! but also intersting that he responds to the "placebo" of medicine when he thinks it's a pain killer - perhaps he relaxes and stays calm, so the pain decreases.

Maybe you could do some relaxation strategies before bed as well, to help him learn how to relax, so that when he is distressed you can calmly, say "ok, take a deep breath" as a reminder and he associates the words with the relaxation he's had lots of practice with.....
I posted some scripts on another thread before.... hmmm.. couldn't find them... so I've cut and paste it into here again

maybe it will help.... maybe not!..... good luck either way....

Progressive Muscle Relaxation for Children

Author: Koeppen, A.S. (1974). Relaxation training for children. Elementary School Guidance and Counseling, 9, 14-21.

---

Introduction

Today we're going to practice some special kinds of exercises called relaxation exercises. These exercises help you to learn how to relax when you're feeling up-tight and help you get rid of those butterflies-in-your-stomach kinds of feelings. They're also kind of neat because you can learn how to do some of them without anyone really noticing.
In order for you to get the best feelings from these exercises, there are some rules you must follow. First, you must do exactly what I say, even if it seems kind of silly. Second, you must try hard to do what I say. Third, you must pay attention to your body. Throughout these exercises, pay attention to how your muscles feel when they are tight and when they are loose and relaxed. And fourth, you must practice. The more you practice, the more relaxed you can get. Do you have any questions?
Are you ready to begin? Okay, first, get as comfortable as you can in your chair. Sit back, get both feet on the floor, and just let your arms hang loose. That's fine. Now close your eyes and don't open them until I say to. Remember to follow my instructions very carefully, try hard, and pay attention to your body. Here we go.
Hands and Arms

Pretend you have a whole lemon in your left hand. Now squeeze it hard. Try to squeeze all the juice out. Feel the tightness in your hand and arm as you squeeze. Now drop the lemon. Notice how your muscles feel when they are relaxed. Take another lemon and squeeze. Try to squeeze this one harder than you did the first one. That's right. Real hard. Now drop the lemon and relax. See how much better your hand and arm feel when they are relaxed. Once again, take a lemon in your left hand and squeeze all the juice out. Don't leave a single drop. Squeeze hard. Good. Now relax and let the lemon fall from your hand.
(Repeat the process for the right hand and arm.)
Arms and Shoulders

Pretend you are a furry, lazy cat. You want to stretch. Stretch your arms out in front of you. Raise them up high over your head. Way back. Feel the pull in your shoulders. Stretch higher. Now just let your arms drop back to your side. Okay, kitten, let's stretch again. Stretch your arms out in front of you. Raise them over your head. Pull them back, way back. Pull hard. Now let them drop quickly. Good. Notice how your shoulders feel more relaxed. This time let's have a great big stretch. Try to touch the ceiling. Stretch your arms way out in front of you. Raise them way up high over your head. Push them way, way back. Notice the tension and pull in your arms and shoulders. Hold tight, now. Great. Let them drop very quickly and feel how good it is to be relaxed. It feels good and warm and lazy.
Jaw

You have a giant jawbreaker bubble gum in your mouth. It's very hard to chew. Bite down on it. Hard! Let your neck muscles help you. Now relax. Just let your jaw hang loose. Notice that how good it feels just to let your jaw drop. Okay, let's tackle that jawbreaker again now. Bite down. Hard! Try to squeeze it out between your teeth. That's good. You're really tearing that gum up. Now relax again. Just let your jaw drop off your face. It feels good just to let go and not have to fight that bubble gum. Okay, one more time. We're really going to tear it up this time. Bite down. Hard as you can. Harder. Oh, you're really working hard. Good. Now relax. Try to relax your whole body. You've beaten that bubble gum. Let yourself go as loose as you can.
Face and Nose

Here comes a pesky old fly. He has landed on your nose. Try to get him off without using your hands. That's right, wrinkle up your nose. Make as many wrinkles in your nose as you can. Scrunch your nose up real hard. Good. You've chased him away. Now you can relax your nose. Oops, here he comes back again. Right back in the middle of your nose. Wrinkle up your nose again. Shoo him off. Wrinkle it up hard. Hold it just as tight as you can. Okay, he flew away. You can relax your face. Notice that when you scrunch up your nose your cheeks and your mouth and your forehead and your eyes all help you, and they get tight too. So when you relax your nose, your whole body relaxes too, and that feels good. Oh-oh. This time that old fly has come back, but this time he's on your forehead. Make lots of wrinkles. Try to catch him between all those wrinkles. Hold it tight, now. Okay, you can let go. He's gone for good. Now you can just relax. Let your face go smooth, no wrinkles anywhere. Your face feels nice and smooth and relaxed.
Stomach

Hey! Here comes a cute baby elephant. But he's not watching where he's going. He doesn't see you lying in the grass, and he's about to step on your stomach. Don't move. You don't have time to get out of the way. Just get ready for him. Make your stomach very hard. Tighten up your stomach muscles real tight. Hold it. It looks like he is going the other way. You can relax now. Let your stomach go soft. Let it be as relaxed as you can. That feels so much better. Oops, he's coming this way again. Get Ready. Tighten up your stomach. Real hard. If he steps on you when your stomach is hard, it won't hurt. Make your stomach into a rock. Okay, he's moving away again. You can relax now. Kind of settle down, get comfortable, and relax. Notice the difference between a tight stomach and a relaxed one. That's how we want to feel---nice and loose and relaxed. You won't believe this, but this time he's coming your way and no turning around. He's headed straight for you. Tighten up. Tighten hard. Here he comes. This is really it. You've got to hold on tight. He's stepping on you. He's stepped over you. Now he's gone for good. You can relax completely. You're safe. Everything is okay, and you can feel nice and relaxed.
This time imagine that you want to squeeze through a narrow fence and the boards have splinters on them. You'll have to make yourself very skinny if you're going to make it through. Suck your stomach in. Try to squeeze it up against your backbone. Try to be skinny as you can. You've got to be skinny now. Just relax and feel your stomach being warm and loose. Okay, let's try to get through that fence now. Squeeze up your stomach. Make it touch your backbone. Get it real small and tight. Get it as skinny as you can. Hold tight, now. You've got to squeeze through. You got through that narrow little fence and no splinters! You can relax now. Settle back and let your stomach come back out where it belongs. You can feel really good now. You've done fine.
Legs and Feet

Now pretend that you are standing barefoot in a big, fat mud puddle. Squish your toes down deep into the mud. Try to get your feet down to the bottom of the mud puddle. You'll probably need your legs to help you push. Push down, spread your toes apart, feel the mud squish up between your toes. Now step out of the mud puddle. Relax your feet. Let your toes go loose and feel how nice that it feels to be relaxed. Back into the mud puddle. Squish your toes down. Let your leg muscles help push your feet down. Push your feet. Hard. Try to squeeze that puddle dry. Okay. Come back out now. Relax your feet, relax your legs, relax your toes. It feels so good to be relaxed. No tenseness anywhere. You feel kind of warm and tingly.
Conclusion

Stay as relaxed as you can. Let your whole body go limp and feel all your muscles relaxed. In a few minutes I will ask you to open your eyes, and that will be the end of this practice session. As you go through the day, remember how good it feels to be relaxed. Sometimes you have to make yourself tighter before you can be relaxed, just as we did in these exercises. Practice these exercises everyday to get more and more relaxed. A good time to practice is at night, after you have gone to bed and the lights are out and you won't be disturbed. It will help you get to sleep. Then, when you are really a good relaxer, you can help yourself relax at school. Just remember the elephant, or the jaw breaker, or the mud puddle, and you can do our exercises and nobody will know. Today is a good day, and you are ready to feel very relaxed. You've worked hard and it feels good to work hard. Very slowly, now, open your eyes and wiggle your muscles around a little. Very good. You've done a good job. You're going to be a super relaxer.