At what point would you take a child to a doctor re behaviour?

[Harri]

I'm so sorry you are going through this!! They sure know how to push buttons don't they?!

Something tells me that you might be onto something re your ex here and I think that the issue is with adult figures...I don't know anything about your personal life etc when you where with your partner, but do you think it's a possibility that this all stems from that?

5 year olds are a lot smarter and perceptive than we sometimes give them credit for!.. Most will also take any opportunity to manipulate situations with a higher level of endurance than we have!... mine included! It is possible that he thinks that behaving this way is "OK"...or that he can get away with it, so it continues?!.. Dealing with all this on your own is hard and you shouldn't have to, maybe go to your GP again.. or another if the current one isn't being very helpful, have you tried the Maternal and Child health nurse?! Explain what you THINK may be the issue.. and see what they think?!

[~clover~]

He's always had these issues, but he's taken them to new levels since being with his father. The only chance they have for a relationship is via the phone really, but the father doesn't ring very often & I refuse to pay for phone calls after he told DD1 something she shouldn't know.Had it with the manipulation. Unless the kids ask to call him, but they don't. DS won't talk to him on the phone. I get him tell him a few things, but he doesn't want too.

I have similar issues with DD1 treating me the same way ex used too, but he never put as much effort into it back then. Rather than me, she treats DD2 the way he used to treat me. He treated his brother the same way before I came along.
Ex had more influence over DS & spent more time whispering little things in DS's ear. Making racist & sexist comments while watching TV. That was never done with the girls. He wanted to have more influence over DS. He's asked me if DS can go live with him :/

We only have a gp here once a week & at the moment he's not coming down, so we have to travel 65kms. If my mum comes down on Fridaty when I head up for shopping I'll try see him. If not, I'm not taking 4 kids to the gp's office to cause trouble! They have pretty good programs for kids of DV from memory, so might look into that. I looked it up when I got here, but haven't thought much of it again.

[Cass72]

Clover do you have a good male role model that your DS may look up to? I don't think I'd be entirely discounting being stuffed about by his father, he sounds like a right git (sorry for being blunt). Does he go to school? I mean, does he mix with other kids and they talk about their dad and because it upsets him in not having the same sort of dad that they have could he be taking it out on you and the girls. I was blessed to have my dad around and DS would always listen to him. It doesn't replace a father though and I guess that can be hard on little people.

Just some thoughts, I hope I don't offend.

Sending you strength ....

[AndiE]

I'm sorry that you didn't have a helpful experience with a Psych Andie, and this is certainly a possibility to consider when seeking advice from anyone - that they might make errors in their assessment. But I don't think it's fair to assume that this would happen with all psychs or that you should not approach one until you have a diagnosis in mind yourself. In fact, the latter can be problematic for an objective assessment too. Having informed questions and details of developmental history, behaviours, triggers, methods already tried and their impact... should be sufficient to assist a psych in making a thorough assessment and ruling in or out disorder or disability. It sounds to me like this behaviour seems above and beyond what's typical and manageable to you Clover. Which makes it more than 'enough' to pursue answers and support. It sounds exhausting and demoralising and I really hope that you get a good referral from your GP or connections through the school and some much needed and deserved support for you and your little guy. Sending you much love in the mean time.

I apologise if what I said has inferred I thought seeing a psychologist wasn't a good idea or that I had a bad experience. It's not what I meant. I didn't have a bad experience, and I did learn coping strategies. But I do think discussions I had with the psych would have been different, and I'd think the strategies we talked through for me to put into practice would be more in sync with what is going on with DS2 had I'd known his diagnosis first. I just think that in hindsight I'd have got far more out of the sessions if I'd had the full picture. I'd certainly not try and dissuade Clover from seeking whatever help she or her son may need. I can only speak from the experience I've had which may - or may not - be helpful.

Clover I wish you all the best. As I first said, I do get where you're coming from. We have different circumstances, sure, but feeling completely beaten down by your child (my words), is a feeling I know well.

[myturn]

Maybe getting him assessed formally by a psych and/or paed is the first step. Then appropriate strategies can be discussed and the professionals know you and your child's needs best. This would solve Andies concerns. I guess, I too, worry about going in with a preconception about what is happening for your child, because it takes a long time to learn how to identify these issues in children properly, and you don't want to jump to a diagnosis unless it is appropriate. By trying to get your head around what is happening first like andie suggests, you might go down a misleading path and things get equally as confused and off track as if you hadn't got things figured out.

I guess I perceive it as if you are struggling and feeling like you can't cope, it's best to get help earlier. Also early intervention is always the best option for supporting children. (And even adults with any sort of issue - the earlier we treat things the better the outcome!!)

but maybe speaking to your GP will give you advice of where to go first?? Also you might be able to access Medicare or a public assessment service if that's what you need to help cover the costs associated.

sorry it's feeling so hard, I do hope you can get things sorted and feel better about what's happening for you xx

[~clover~]

Thanks all

I don't have many male role models around, no. My brother is here & is a great role model, but he owns a business & is working basically 6am - 8pm 7 days a week. And he has his own family, young BIL he & SIL are raising & a wife who isn't much keen on sharing :/

My dad comes & goes at the moment. He isn't a bad role model, but he has his moments that borderline abuse when he goes off about what ever he chooses to exaggerate. He takes DS to help change oil in cars & stuff when he's aroud & can, but it doesn't happen a lot. They're busy working away too. And mum & dad don't even live here. They are only here for work, but they do their best to help out. Dad can't handle him when he carries on though. He's diagnosed ADHD himself, but he doesn't get DS or DD2. Its hard

I have a friend who's aspy DS was diagnosed just through a psyc. The OT didn't really discount that there was something going on with him, just not something she could help with/diagnose. No issues with motor skills etc.

I'll ask the school to get a school councillor in. That's where we started with DD. He's in pre primary at school (kindy over east) & interacts well with all the other kids. He used to only do one on one, but that's changed since he started 4yo kindy last year. Then with that report I might head to the gp & find out what there is available here.

I didn't much like the OT we saw for DD2. She used up our EPC, then even though we also had the mental health care plan, she just kind of cut us off. Gave us a few coping strategies for when we moved away (a good 8 weeks later), but never used the MHCP, or even offer us sessions at full price. She did question DS's clingyness at our first session though. Basically said he has attatchment issues. I might get a better experience from someone else...

[Artechim]

How are things going? Any luck contacting any help?

[~clover~]

Not yet. Its school holidays & they've all been sick with gastro, so haven't left the house for a while. Visiting my parents for a few days now & he's still not 100% so just chilling for now.