day care??

[paradise lost]

To be totally honest, the only parenting ideal i had that i had to deviate from (BFing for a year, had to stop at 7 months) i really really regret. You might not feel like that, and i know one day i'll feel better about it, but i do have those regrets just now.

In an ideal situation would you rather be happier being a FTSAHM, or not be a FTSAHM? Like is this a realisation about the difference between what you thought it'd be and what it is, or you wishing you enjoyed it more? Maybe YOU can get time away from DS without him having to have time away from you...kwim? Like when he is in bed?

I'm a FT single SAHM, but XP does put DD to bed twice a week and have her for 24 hours over the weekend so i do get some break from it. I find things that help me are:

1) going to toddler groups and "outings" where there will be other parents - i took DD swimming last week and ended up talking about relationship breakups with a complete stranger whose DD was a little bit younger than mine It makes a big difference being able to talk to other people IRL and we can all remember that we're people and not just mummies.

2) getting proper "grown-up" time - even if it's just popping to a bar at the weekend or sitting in my bedroom with the laptop and letting XP be "in charge". Could DH assume full responsibility so you can have some wine, a bath, go out with friends or something like that? At least once or twice a week is good, and can be done in the evenings when DS is (hopefully) in bed.

3) exercising - i really begin to feel depressed if i miss more than 2 or 3 workouts and i have 3 or 4 exercise sessions a week, at least 2 are away from DD - that's how i use the evenings XP comes to put her to bed, i go to the gym or run. It helps me get all my tensions and anxieties out and feel refreshed as well as making me feel more confident and self-assured (which being "just mummy" can take from us).

4) maintaining a life that is seperate from motherhood. This could be anything, but for me it is writing short stories, having fun away from DD (as well as with DD) with my DP (who is DD's step-daddy-who-doesn't-live-here) such as meals out or sex - it sounds stupid saying it, but remembering i'm a sexual being has made me feel MUCH better about having to be practical mummy most of the time.

5) (the hardest one) putting as much into my time with DD as possible. Like as i'm typing this she is whining and grabbing things she's not allowed to have because she's bored. I'm going to read to her in a second She is very demanding but i find if i meet those demands as much as i can (rather than keeping trying to do something when she's moany so that she gets naughty and i get cross) we do have more fun together. It can be so hard to know that my mood is directly affecting hers and sometimes i just DON'T feel like reading beatrix potter AGAIN, but it really does seem to make a difference with me. I try to buy her books i actually like (Dr Seuss appeals and can be funny for adults as well as kids) so that reading to her isn't a chore. I spend money on good arts and crafts materials and when she is scribbling i draw, when she is ripping up i make cards, when she is drawing on the walls i chase her with a wet cloth and cry - LOL it doesn't always work how i want. I have gotten to a stage before now where i felt like i was in a rut because she wasn't all that happy and was REALLY demanding/clingy, and yet i felt like i just wasn't enjoying her much and wasn't doing a very good job of looking after her - some days all i said was "no!" kwim? We spent a lot of time with her demanding my company and me being reluctant and both of us being more miserable. If i feel myself sliding that way again i force myself to make a big effort with her for a few days and her mood improves so drastically it's hard for me to stay down

I've stopped to read to her, colour with her and cuddle her when she fell off the toybox (junior acrobat over here) 3 times while i typed this, but she is not moaning now so i'll be able to cook dinner in peace at least .

Anyway, i hope you come to the right decision for you and your DS, and i just wanted you to know that you can find other ways round these things if you are really uncomfortable with changing your parenting ideals. I have plenty of friends with very smart, very happy, very sociable children in daycare, so the decision you make is only going to be about right for YOU and your family. In general i think mummy-senses are a good thing - if you want to pick up your newborn or bf-to-comfort or co-sleep or take bubs to the doctor even though you can't put your finger on what's wrong except that SOMETHING is - well you should, i think instinct rocks . And i'm like you - i don't want to leave DD. Yes, i considered it when we were in our rut and i still think of it now when i'm going crazy, but i know it's something i'm not comfortable with, and if i do it in desperation (i weaned from the boob indesperation) i am just as harsh with myself afterwards, so i wouldn't be saving myself anything, if that makes sense.

Anyway, enough rambling - i keep typing the lyrics to horsie horsie, which i'm singing as i type. LOL. Best of luck hun and lots of

Bx