Returning to work soon - CC dilemna...

[Willow]

Sorry, this is going to be really long so I apologise in advance -just need to nut it out and get some opinions?

I am due to go back to work in mid September. I am lucky that I am able to work only two days a week, so I will be retuning to part time hours.

While Id love to stay home with the kids full time, financially wed be a lot more comfortable with me at work. We have some small debts to clear and also want to do a lot of renovations around our home, so my wages will help us to do this.

The dilemma is about where the kids will go while Im working - we have two options, one is to send them to a brand new day care centre which is opening soon (I have their names on the waiting list but am yet to do any visits etc). I work in the city so I would be dropping them off at about 6.45am in the morning in order to get my train (DH leaves even earlier than me) and the centre closes at 6pm. Here lies the first problem - I dont usually get off the train till about 6.15pm and DH gets home closer to 7pm these days () so neither of us would make it back in time to collect them (not to mention the idea of our children being in care for that many hours a day). It is possible that MIL could collect them for us and Id pick them up from her place on the way home.

The second option is to let MIL look after them. She had DD for me for the 18 months between my two mat leave stints and on the whole, it worked well. BUT there were some issues. She tended to overstep the mark (some examples are taking DD to the Drs without letting me know first and probably the biggest issue we had was her booking DD into occasional care on a day she needed to do something WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST). These issues can probably be easily worked out with me setting the boundaries from the start and telling her exactly what I expect when it comes to these things. This is something Ive been too afraid to do in the past but DH is in agreement with me and will back me up against his parents.

However, the most serious issue we had was she once took DD in the car without a child restraint - it was a very short trip but that, as we all know, is not the point. This obvious lack of judgment does concern me. We spoke to her at the time so she understands fully how we feel about it and I am confident would never do it again. If she does end up having them, DH and I plan to make sure she always has appropriate child restraints in her car for our children, and if that means us buying extra car seats, then thats what well do.

If MIL was to take them, she would have DS all day but only have DD in the morning and in the afternoon as DD currently attends preschool and we would keep her enrolled there.

So these are my thoughts

PROS for CC

• Professional environment where policies are in place and I would hope I wouldn't have to worry so much about what would be happening with the kids.
• I would feel comfortable to complain about anything I wasn't happy about
• A more structured type of care where the children's skills would be developed etc.

CONS for CC

• I personally feel 11 hours is a long time for a baby to be in care, I think DD would cope better, but only just
• Fees would take all of my pay save $150 a week. Financially, we wouldn't be much better off and it would take us a lot longer to reach our financial goals
• Drop off and pick up times will probably be quite tricky and if I get stuck on a train (Sydney siders will know how reliable city rail is!) wed have to have someone else collect them for us.
• I would have to take DD out of her current pre school which she loves, has settled in well, made lots of friends and bonded with her carers.
• DS will only be 10 months old and I worry about the lack of one on one care he would receive. I also worry about his routine being disrupted, sleeping etc etc.

PROS for MIL

• She really wants to have them when I go back to work, she brings it up every time I see her and I think will be really disappointed if I decide against it.
• Its a home based environment, which I feel is important and more in tune with my parenting philosophies, especially for DS. He will have one on one attention all day.
• We wouldnt have to take DD out of her current pre school
• DD loves MIL to bits and doesnt see much of her these days. I know that MIL misses her
• It would give DS and MIL a chance to bond - again she doesnt see much of him at the moment (I should say, this is my doing, not hers)
• SIL and her children visit often (ie every day!) and it will give our kids a chance to play with their cousins - the kids shouldnt miss out just because of the issues I have with my inlaws
• In discussions weve had with her about it, she has said we would only need to pay her a small amount to cover petrol expenses for preschool drop offs etc. Financially, we?d be a lot better off
• If they werent in CC, my parents could have the kids when they were in Sydney (which is quite often) and we wouldnt have to waste a day of CC fees
• MIL worked in CC for a number of years, so actually has experience in caring for kids
• DH would prefer the kids went to his mums rather than CC
• MIL is always happy to have the children when they arent well, so we wouldnt need to take carers days etc off work (obviously we would for serious illness but I mean colds etc)

CONS for MIL

• I do have some concerns about some judgment calls she has made in the past
• My 'outlaw issues' tend to be magnified when Im seeing them so often and they are looking after the kids. I don't really have issues with MIL, but I do with FIL, SIL etc.
• In the past she has overstepped the mark, it has caused problems between us and puts DH in the middle
• Towards the end of the time she was caring for DD, she would book holidays or go away etc without giving us enough notice to make other arrangements

To be honest, I think a lot of my issues with MIL having them are because of my personal feelings about my in laws. Don't get me wrong, MIL is a good person at heart, loves my kids and would never intentionally put them in harms way, but ultimately, shes my MIL iykwim?

I also think a lot of my problem is I just don't trust anyone 100% to look after my kids, especially DS who I tend to be a bit overprotective of. Obviously this is not healthy and at some point, I am going to have to be away from them.

So, after all that, in my situation, what would you do?