Returning to work soon - CC dilemna...

[Willow]

I know, I know...these are the things I keep thinking about. She's really not a bad old chook, it's just some stuff that's happened in the past concerns me a bit.

Hey, I forgot you worked in the city - maybe we could do lunch! LOL! Before you buzz off that is

[Willow]

OK, so got home today from doing the groceries and MIL was here. *Gulp*

DH saw her yesterday and she was nagging him about minding the kids again. So he said "look mum, I don't have a problem with it but you know what Willow's like, she's just worried about the kids. We need to sit down and set out some ground rules if it's going to happen".

So, I knew why she was here. Thankfully she waited till FIL left the room to bring it up. I just said to her "look - it's not a big deal. Mainly, I just need to know what's going on with the kids. If you want to take them to the drs or you think they should go, I want you to ring me first. If you want to take them somewhere or do something with them, then I want to know what's going on." pretty lame but she kinda caught me off guard. I guess little things like that though I will address with her when and if needed.

We also discussed the car seats. We told her we'd brought a second seat for DS and we would look at getting one for DD, that we wanted them to stay in her car, they were for our kids only and SIL was not to use them or take them to put in her car (something she does ALLLL the time). We also told her that we don't want her driving the kids all around the country side, that we want them to be at home with her as much as possible. Of course we don't mind if she wants to take them out every now and then or she has an appt or whatever, she has a life too, but we'd prefer they were at home with her. She agreed with this and said she probably wouldn't go out much with the two of them anyway. The other thing is, DD's preschool drop offs and pick ups will restrict her from going too far anyway.

I also told her we'd set up our porta cot at her place for L because I don't want him and his baby cousin sharing a cot, I want him to have his own space (let alone SIDS recommendations).

So, at the moment, I think this is what we'll do. If it doesn't work out we can always make other arrangements. We also need to work out how much she wants to be paid, we asked her today and she said "I don't know yet" *sigh*. DH and I think $60 a week is reasonable. She never wanted to be paid for minding DD but this time will have fuel expenses etc in dropping off and picking DD up from preschool. We provide all food and drink, nappies, wipes for the kids too.

Do you think $120 a fortnight (4 days) is reasonable?

[christy]

Yes heaps reasonable Willow.

I know its scary, and I think it would be more scary for me to leave my children with my MIL than with a carer. I guess because I would be scared MIL wouldn't listen to what I wanted & what I thought was best for my children.

Our FDC carer is amazing, sends home a daily description of what went on in the morning, what Jovie ate for morning tea, lunch, arvo tea and exactly how much water she drank during her time there. She writes what time she changes nappies and what was in them.... we use cloth nappies so its good to know before opening the wet bag

She sometimes takes photos during the day & emails them to me. She wouldn't dream of giving extra food to my girls or taking them anywhere without discussing with me first. She has phoned me before to say someone's parent brought in balloons & popcorn for his birthday & did I mind if Jovie had some.

She's the first person my DD1 wanted to invite to her big birthday party coming up.

I did have issues with another carer at FDC when I interviewed her, but our carer atm is brilliant and Matilda stayed with her for 2 years and now Jovie has been with her for a while.

I guess to me the reassurance is that all the carer has to do for the day is look after the childern. She doesn't do anything other than that unless the kids are all asleep at once, if they are all asleep she turns the monitor on and goes to her room to do her own stuff. I'm happy with that. And she discusses with us beforehand exactly what she does & where things are. She knows our children's routine and sticks to what we want.

[Willow]

Yeah, I know what you mean Christy. But on the whole, MIL was really good with sticking to our routine and doing what we wanted her to do from day to day. It was just the occasional thing that came up. I guess it's different when it's family - it has its disadvantages, but I think it also has big advantages too. Well that's what I'm thinking at the moment anyway!!

I think we're going to give her a go, if after a few months if it's not working, or if we have any issues, then I'll look into family day care - my only hesitation with that is I want DD in a structured preschool program and not sure if I'd find a carer who would drop her off and pick her up.

[briggsy's girl]

willow - my mum did FDC long term - and would transport the kidlets to whichever programs the parents asked of her. it wasn't unusual for her to have a few different places to go each day - but she basically did as the parents asked. i'm sure there are a lot of other FDC carers around like that... even now, i remain friends with many of the children (not that they're kids anymore) that mum looked after as we developed a strong bond with them - they effectively became one of the family (and remain so today!)

FWIW - i think your MIL sounds like the ideal carer if she is prepared to stick to your rules regarding your children. i think sometimes it's harder to put your foot down to family about what it is you're wanting and expecting, and what the consequences will be (ie, she'll no longer be able to look after the kids if you can't trust her).

from a financial perspective - work out what it would cost you at a long day care centre - chop that in half - that's the MOST you'd pay for care (less if you are entitled to a CCB payment). negotiate with that as your maximum amount. i think the amount you're offering is plenty generous for your MIL looking after your children.

[christy]

You'd be surprised what you can find. & the MIL option doesn't sound bad at all!! I totally understand how hard it is to leave your babies with anyone else.

[MantaRay]

I'm going to be a lone voice here I think. But FWIW, here is my opinion. My boys have 2 days a week in Day care and 3 days a week MIL and FIL come here to mind them. I personally like the balance, as I think they get a lot out of day care, and they really love it. Personally I find it easier to leave them on day care days. I think 2 days each way could work well for you too.

Given the difficulty with timings for you though, I don't think a centre near you will work well. Have you looked into centres near work? When I went back to work after J, he was in day care in the CBD near where DH and I worked. I loved that he was so close, and we got all that extra time together with the trip in and home, and I also went and bf/played with him every lunch time until he moved rooms and slept at lunchtime. It was always great to know that we didn't have to rush to pick him up too. If one of us was running late, the other one went down to pick him up and if need be took him back to work to wait for the other parent (we were lucky we worked in the same building). Anyway, just some food for thought.

[Willow]

MR yep, I have considered that option but I think Sydney CBD and Brisbane CBD might be too different things! (but it's been a long time since I've been to Brisbane!). Day care fees in the CBD start at $100 a day per child (I'm yet to hear of a centre in the CBD that charges any less and even if they did, I assume the waiting list would be enormous). That's $400 a week at least and we just can't afford it. Well we can but there'd be no point in me working really, most of my pay would go on day care. Kinda defeats the purpose. And I catch the train to and from work - a peak hour City Rail train is no place for a 10 month old baby. I would be genuinely concerned about his safety.

I work for one of the bigger law firms in the city, I wish they'd get with the times and have on site day care, how much easier would life be...although I'd still have the concern with public transport.

WRT splitting their care, if it was more than two days, I'd definitely consider it because I think any more than 2 days would probably be too much for MIL. But having them in care one day and with her one day doesn't really appeal either. I think it would put both of their routines out and would take them so much longer to adapt to care if they were only going one day a week. DD is a sensitive child, she likes routine and doesn't cope with change as well as some kids (bit like her mum really!!) She has also been going through a phase of separation anxiety since L was born and I think would benefit from being in familiar surroundings for the time being.

I'm feeling a big sense of relief thinking that the kids won't be going to day care - that's gotta be saying something right??