I know every kid is different but I just want to get some kind of ballpark figure for what to expect. DS is 12 months old and has started LDC in the last couple of weeks, three days a week. I go back to work next week. We had to take the spot early or lose it and I figured it would help him get used to the centre before I'm back working. So the first few days were 'short' days and this week he's been there for longer days. He has done what I believe is typical and been fine the first few times he was left and barely noticed me going. This week he has screamed blue murder the minute he is out of physical contact, even before I go. He is happy walking in, it's only once I try to put him down he goes right off I was expecting tears at some point but it's still heart wrenching to see and hear and then to walk away. The carers are telling me that he generally stops almost immediately and then has a lot of fun for the rest of the day. There was one day when he was grumbly on and off all day but he was like that the day before at home and there has been a lot going on with immunisations and teeth lately etc so it could have been that.
So, how long did the screaming/crying continue for your child? What did you do to manage it? (Stay a few minutes for more cuddles (DS still screams when I inevitably leave), or leave when you planned to anyway?).
My DS has been in LCD 2 days week since he was 8 months old, in the past 4 months he has started to develop more seperation anxiety. He will sometimes cling to me when I try to put him down or cry and cling if I manage to put him down and try to leave.
I have found that dropping him off and getting him involved in an activity before leaving can help and not making any kind of fuss when I leave, so I say my goodbyes as we are getting out of the car. The other tactic that works for me is getting him to DC when they are serving morning tea, DS generally likes his food.
I don't think he fusses too much after I go, the girls say he is one of the easiest kids to look after. When I pick him up he is happy to see me, but generally there is another child who is in tears cause it is not their Mummy coming to pick them up. I think because DS started DC young, he is just use to it. He enjoys the company of the other kids, particularly the older children. Thay always sing out goodbye when DS walks through their room on his way home, DS waves.
I hope your DS is just putting on a show when you leave, many kids do. I use to babysit a young boy who would cry when his Mum left he would cry for a short period, but would get over it quickly, 5-10 mins then we would have fun the rest of the time. When I finished Uni, he asked if I would still babysit him. He is probably some spotty teenager now.
I hope something I said may help you.
Our DD has been in day care for 3 days per week since she was 8 months, and she still has a bit of a grizzle when I drop her off (she's now 14.5mths). I find that going through the same routine every morning of going in, signing her in, putting her drinks in the fridge, putting her bag in her cubby hole, putting sunscreen on and then taking her outside to play with the other kids is a good way to cope with the separation as she knows what's coming. I agree with RumpleTeaser that getting them preoccupied with an acitivity or a meal is a positive way to leave them. Once that's done I say goodbye to her, give her a kiss, tell her I'll be back in the afternoon and then leave quickly. If I don't I'll only linger and this tends to make things worse if she's grizzly.
One thing I do remember our Day Care Director telling me when we started was not to leave without saying goodbye. A quote from their parents handbook says:
"Always say goodbye - even if your child is distressed, to slip away breaks down trust. If your child is crying or clings, prolonging the goodbye will only make it harder for yourself and your child.
When it's time to leave - leave quickly - By all means stay with your child, but once you prepare to leave, say goodbye and go. Even when a child knows about "coming back", the moment of parting can still be sad."
With our DD we found that when she was first attending it was best to pass her to someone who would cuddle her after I had gone and help her calm down. She now has a very sweet attachment to one girl at the centre and so goes to her every morning which helps immensely with her feeling secure. I also felt better with this as leaving DD on the floor when she was upset, crying and reaching out for me broke my heart and I found it too hard to leave her like that. Passing her to someone reminds me that she will be well cared for and safe until I come back.
Remember, it's about you feeling confident and reassured as much as your son as he will pick up on your emotions about the situation.
OH! And the quote from the handbook isn't gospel, so please don't take it like professional medical advice - its just some general advice that I found helpful and so wanted to pass on...there are lots of difference ways of managing
I'm back. Sorry it took me so long.
DD has been going to DC 2 days a week for 2 months.
The first couple of weeks were the hardest then it got easier. She loves it. She is now familiar with the place and the carers. We do have tears as soon as she thinks I am going to hand her over but I just say to her "mummy is going to work now, I'll be back this afternoon have fun and mummy loves you, bye" Then I give her to one of her gorgeous carers. She doesnt go willingly to them yet but she does stop crying as soon as I am out of sight.
At the end of the day I kind of sneak in the door of her room at DC and see she is so happy playing with someone or something. Yesterday she was having a cuddle in one of her carers lap. It was really lovely.
My only other advice is if you feel you can do it, try not to hang around at drop off if you can. As soon as you are ready to hand him over, say your goodbyes quickly and then walk out, they soon are distracted and busy having fun. It was always very easy for me to tell parents this when I was teaching kindy and they were leaving their babies for their first day at big school, but it really made the kids more settled and comfortable rather than picking up on Mummy or daddy's anxiety. It is harder to do as a parent but I suppose I am fortunate as I have been both sides of the fence.
My DD took months to stop crying at drop off. I think we started her around late Jan, early Feb, and that same year, DH's pop passed away in..August. I remember staying only a couple of days after the funeral as I wanted to get home as DD had only just started to not cry at drop off. I think it had been about 2 or 3 weeks at the point.
Their policy was, we took their bag inside, food in fridge, hat on, and outside to the adults to play in the playground. If any child started to get upset, they would say, give them a kiss, tell them you will see them soon, and they would then try to get the child interested in something so you could slip away.. When I would pick her up, she would be happy, and would be saying goodbye to everyone and waving to her 'friends'..so at least I know her whole day wasn't horrible.. It doesn't help when you leave in the morning and they are screaming though does it?
It was ok first week then it started, i tried reasoning, cuddles and staying but realised i was wasting time by feeding into it, so i left him. He screamed for 5mins and was fine...
How long did your child cry at CC drop off?
I was expecting tears at some point but it's still heart wrenching to see and hear and then to walk away. The carers are telling me that he generally stops almost immediately and then has a lot of fun for the rest of the day. There was one day when he was grumbly on and off all day but he was like that the day before at home and there has been a lot going on with immunisations and teeth lately etc so it could have been that.
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