Just want opinions - not going to change the decision, but just want to know what other people think really. (Am I too nosy? - bad enough thinking about you, but want you to think about me then tell me what you think... anyways...)
I've not been overly happy with DS's nursery for a while now. OK, the greatest carer ever (T) has been promoted and now manages the second site, has done now for a year and a half. Then the second greatest carer ever (B) missed her family in the Americas and moved back to be with them (this Easter). Then a fantastic part-time carer (N) ended her contract - a natural end, she was covering maternity leave (three months ago).
But DS isn't thrilled to go to Nursery any more. He only wanted to go on days N was there of late. He likes his best mate, but no-one else really. Seems to spend all his time getting dirty - great in one way, but no intellectual stimulation from what I can tell. The manager of the centre and the owner's son seem to have a love-in every day (B used to complain about how they carried on in front of the kids!), the manager is now separating from her husband. Her three children attend (two are at school, so attend after school and the son is a really bad influence on the others) and quite frankly I'm not comfortable with it. Neither is DS's best mate's mum.
DS was bitten last month. It happens. I wasn't angry. But DS has been very angry at nursery ever since. And Nursery have made it my problem. I'm the one who spends all my free time talking to DS about his behaviour there. He isn't an angel, but he is fairly well behaved. He's polite and kind and shares well - very well for a 3yo only child! Other parents tell me how great DS is. It isn't my presence: he's well-liked at Sunday School and when my sister steals him for the day. DS is still upset that this other boy "ate" him, and plays up for attention. Then I get the stress every pick-up.
Tonight, I just had it. Before I see my son I am told he has been naughty. I am over dealing with their mess. I asked DS if he wanted a new Nursery, he shouted "yes!" and hugged me. Rang his mate's mum (E), she's going to move with us. Going to move to the other centre with T if possible, but going to move.
The three adults here (me, DH, E) are all angry that this Nursery is taking lovely children and they are picking up very bad behaviour (manager's son is a bad role model too). They don't seem to do anything with the children - DS is covered in felt tip again today (which is naughty therefore my problem) and spends most of his time rolling in the dirt. I'm not paying them to teach algebra or Latin, but letters would be nice! He can do the first letter of his own name and I did that with him. He can count well, but I spend a lot of time counting with him. I just really do expect more, and we all feel that we're paying a lot of money for nothing much. Not so bad when they're little, but not for a pre-school. Also, they listen to commercial radio. Not children's CDs, just dodgy music (I don't let DS listen to popular music about sex etc, don't see why Nursery should!).
Anyway, your thoughts on the decision to move DS to a new nursery please. And is it bad that I ring E and tell her - so she can move her son with DS! (She told me the main reason she was staying was because Liebs and her son are such mates.) I think that may be a breach of ettiquette a bit. What do you think?
Move him!!! It's not how a centre should be run. Dd is also three and she does counting, letters etc. They do get dirty eating and playing outside so it washes off, they wear smocks for painting and drawing. They also discipline the kids for hitting and biting and follow up with parents.
I'm with BR, move your DS & I would have mentioned something to your DS best mates mum too! Sounds like she has been unhappy for a while & just rode it out so that your two children could be together. I hope you get them into the Nursery you want together. I bet your DS will be alot happier
Ryn, I am in the same place about to move my kids from somewhere that I am not 100% happy with. It seems to essentially be a child minding service instead of an Early Learning Centre that they say there are. We have had a few things happen recently and now my gut instinct just doesn't feel quite right. I figure if things don't seem right then they probably aren't so I would be moving him too.
No breach of etiquette to be telling a friend about your concerns and her deciding to move as well hun. xoxo
Not only would I move him but perhaps a letter to the manager, not the immediate nursery manager but the BIG BOSS, as to WHY you are moving him would be an idea too. If your feeling like this then perhaps other mothers are too IYKWIM?
Nae x
Nothing like a cuddle from DD after a hard day's work!
Oct 2007
in my own world
3,267
I would move him. Its not worth the stress every drop off and pick up. I wouldnt even be able to do anything if the drop offs were bad cos I would keep thinking about dd and if she was alright.
However, in regards to learning letters and numbers, i ve asked a few teachers and its best for them to learn it in primary school as it could easily be taught wrong by inexperienced carers. Plus they learn through play anyway, so I wouldnt worry too much about that aspect.
Also I dont think its wrong of you to ask E to move with you at all, as you said she was only staying for your son also.
hope you sort it out soon.
Last edited by Mum2SweetCs; October 19th, 2010 at 06:40 AM.
Thanks girls. I'm going to ring T in the morning and see if she has two slots for the boys, if she does then I'm going to let Nursery know I'm moving sites as of 1st of November. E and I have agreed that we let them know why after we've sorted out the move. E was about to put in a written complaint anyway, DH says if we can move to the other site then we complain after the move. If we can't move, then DH is going to go in all guns blazing and get DS out of there by the end of the week. We reckon they're breaching contract by providing a poor service before we bail on them with less than a month's notice!
eta - I've just been reading through the early years curriculum (yes, in the UK newborn babies are on a national curriculum) and for DS's age, he's behind. Seriously behind. If it isn't something I do with him, he isn't doing it. I do a lot with him, but working full-time I do expect trained childcare workers to be doing all of it anyway. I am getting more and more angry the more I read that he isn't doing! And the more I realise he only does because I play with him - Nursery wouldn't encourage him to be a Frogbucket, let alone ask him what one is!
Last edited by Ca Plane Pour Moi; October 19th, 2010 at 07:03 AM.
Not sure what it is like there but here if you leave they give you a feedback form to fill out. Needless to say mine will be FULL of ....um feedback. Good luck in the morning hun let us know how you go.
Thanks - I'm off to bed now with an action plan. I can't believe how far off the mark DS is with the curriculum though. He should be able to read and write basic words, including his own name, before school - Nursery staff are trained in this area in the UK. He can read the words "train", "bike" and "helicopter", recognise his initial, that's it. He "reads" to himself, but only through looking at pictures, and only because I encourage it. He is ridiculously advanced according to the curriculum in talking, imagination, memory, music (he makes up his own songs, for example, which is considered a target for a 5yo)... but in basic maths, reading, writing and art he is well behind. I'm going to work on the maths on holiday next week (basic shapes, bigger/smaller/more/less sorts of things). I'm not overly worried about reading in case of dyslexia, but if he knows "Hercules" isn't "Helicopter" (yes, I did test that he could read the word and not just "a long word starting with H") I'm less worried about that now. I'll work on getting him up to speed with maths and his alphabet, then let T take over as she is VERY strong with that. And about making it fun, which I can do with the maths but not the English. Apparently I should be starting a second language, if applicable, about now. Well, DS is exposed to plenty of German so never mind that he doesn't really speak it. He's exposed to it, that's the main thing from what I can gather.
As for feedback - even without a form, they're going to get it when he has moved! Especially after reading what he should be able to do and should be ENCOURAGED to do.
I definitely think you should move him because of the politics you have mentioned. They can really throw out the focus of the place.
I disagree though that rolling around in the dirt is not intellectually stimulating. Great carers would take this interest, see that he's really into textural variety, and use his ideas to let him extend his own learning. So I wouldn't move him based on the fact that he's getting dirty. There's a lot of evidence out there that shows that kids learn best when they're doing things that they're interested in and directing their own learning. There is a LOT more mathematical understandings than counting, and a lot more to literacy than just reading.
But I have issues with the felt tip thing - It's my own rant that I'm pretty passionate about. I think that children don't get the same fine motor practice from felt tips as they do from pencils, so i just never offer them. But that's a little OT! (SO unlike me! )
Don't get hung up on what he "should" be doing - I really think that that sort of curriculum for the early years can be quite detrimental. We have a learning Framework here too for babies from birth to five years, but it's very open ended and focuses much more on acquiring the skills required to be a competent learner, rather than rattling off "skills"
It's great that you can move him with a friend. I hope you have more success with the new place.
i would do exactly the same as you're doing, right down to speaking with his friend's mum.
i also agree with audax in that his behaviour may still have elements of intellectual stimulation but it sounds like the carers aren't thinking outside the box (ugh, don't like using that expression!) and working with him or treating his individual needs/learning style.
Audax, I have no issues aboutt him rolling in the dirt - except that's all he does and it isn't used as a springboard for something else. He just rolls in the dirt and that's it. The carers try to stop him doing it, but obviously don't try that hard. And I hate felt tips too - we have pencils and crayons at home, although I have ink pens and gel pens and biros and whatnot DS has pencils and crayons.
The reason I'm interested in his curriculum is when T was running the place and I took DS out for two months they asked me to keep an eye on him and write a report on his skills based on the curriculum. That's when I found it and realised it isn't very pushing, but at DS's age it is about preparing him for school. Great, I thought, my son is doing fine and has this level of stimulation. He doesn't even have that level of stimulation any more, isn't developing his skills there (normal skills, not anything odd: I have been encouraging him without the curriculum and know I'm not a trained carer who knows what to do - I haven't looked at this document for over a year. Boys typically fall behind on the curriculum by age 7: I am not happy that DS is going to be behind before he even gets to school. He is not stupid, he just doesn't get the stimulation.
I hate the fact I am being the middle-class pushy parent, but in this case I have to be. at least we are not at the point of predicting grades yet, but missing a year of schooling at DS's age can cost about two grades at 16. I have to research this stuff, which is why I am annoyed at this. Well, started being annoyed that they don't deal with DS and give me the nasty jobs, has ended up with his schooling being a problem. The curriculum was about learning, and is now about learning skills too. I like the fact he should be able to apply his love of learning to actual skills that will help him and when he goes to school he will be expected to do. He can't even draw a square, let alone a recognisable drawing. I'm not worried about writing, just that he can't make a picture at all, just a scribble. He should be able to start making letters now! Or at least be encouraged to. Ack! Enough from me.
Will let you know if he gets a place in the other centre later.
Told Nursery I wanted to transfer him. They said OK, checked the start date, and that was it. They don't care. Or rather, they're pleased because they can take more babies now.
Today he is upset because another child painted on his face (not cleaned off) and he was swinging on a childgate, asked timidly not to do it, then hurt himself. He didn't like the cold compress so they didn't leave it on him. They did some activities today... not going to convince me to stay though!
Good on you Ryn. Have you found a new place already? I'm in the muddle of looking at heaps of places, it is so hard to know what will be the right place for my babies, all I know is where they are now us not right.
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I've had enough!
hope you sort it out soon.
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