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Thread: Is my 3yo ready for pre-kinder? Need advice?

  1. #1
    melissa.r Guest

    Default Is my 3yo ready for pre-kinder? Need advice?

    My daughter is 3 years old and enrolled in pre-kinder next year. By nature she is a very shy, reserved child who has had a very negative experience of childcare (we pulled her out of childcare at the end of 2005). She does not have difficulty socialising in settings she feels comfortable with (as long as I am there with her) but experiences seperation anxiety. This is complicated by a slight delay in her language development which we have been working on with professionals for the last 12 months. She enjoys the company of other children but is challenged by structured environments where there is an expectation on her involvement.
    I am not sure if I should send her to pre-kinder next year? Does anyone have any advice or have a child with similar temperament? What should I do?

  2. #2
    Fire Fly Guest


    Melissa, my Dd is similar in the fact that she doesnt take to me leaving her well. Not even with my mum who she absolutely adores!. She cried so much when i left her to go back to work for a short time, but mum said she just distracted her and she was fine with in a couple of minutes.
    My DD has experienced some bad experiences from 7months to 12 months, with being in and out of hospital due to her hip being dislocated so because i was ALWAYS there for her, i became her security more so than normal.
    DH cant put her to bed, i have to, he cant get her out the car if she has just woken up, i have to, he cant read her a book before bed, i have to. I have to do everything for her. Its a real struggle to get her to trust her father and allow him to do stuff for her.
    She is 4 in march and i have only just enrolled her in pre kinder. I havent left her yet, we have had a few short days where ill stay there with her to make sure she is ok. And she is fine, while im there.
    My advice to you would be, if you dont think she is ready then dont send her. These are special kids that need our support and if waiting another year is what she needs then so be it. Ive waited this long for good reason, and thats cause i havent felt as though she would of coped.
    She is fine socially with other kids her own age, bigger boys freak her out for some reason but bigger girls she is ok with. And adults she is very subdued with until she get so know them, but even then she is never totally herself.
    Next week i intend on leaving her for the first time, it will only be for a few hours at first then i will gradually extend it. I dont care if other mums dont do the same things with there kids, but this is how i do things with mine. I want her to be *totally* comfortable and feel safe with her surroundings.

    Good luck with it all.

    ETA i should add that i really nutted out alot of pre schools and made sure the number of kids there a day werent huge and that ALL the staff were accredited teachers, not just joe blogs of the street iykwim
    Last edited by Fire Fly; October 31st, 2006 at 07:09 PM.

  3. #3


    We dont' have kindy for kids that young but our Kindy will take children earlier than 4 (approx 3.5yrs) if they have speech delays or whatever as long as they have been professionally diagnosed.

    Does your pre-kinder have teachers trained with helping her through her needs. Kameron has speech issues and is the same as you DD when he is expected to do something. He doesn't participate well in large groups so goes with a smaller group of children till he gains more confidence. Our kindy has fully qualified support workers that assist Kameron and other children on a daily basis.

    I would say look into what they can do for her to help her first before you make your choice.


  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2005


    I sent my DD to kindy 1 day per week from Feb this year when she was 2.5. She cried when i left her. I sat in the car and cried. For weeks, months, she would cry, i would walk to the car and cry too. Why keep doing it? Because in my opinion:
    a) she needed interaction with little people
    b)its preparation for school
    c)i needed time out for myself.

    Whilst she does not have any speech problems, she is a shy girl. But gradually, we got there, and now she happily kisses me goodbye and wanders off to her peers. It was bloody hard for those first few months, but i look at the results now, and the remarks from her teachers, and it was well worth it.

    There will be tears (from both sides) but as long as you feel comfortable with the support of the teachers, she will do okay. I rang every hour the first day i sent her. The teachers didnt mind - i think thats important, feeling comfortable leaving her with these people.

    Its all part of parenthood isnt it - letting go gradually of our little ones......

    Good luck.

  5. #5
    Fire Fly Guest


    I should add to that for interaction with other kids we started Kindergym and she does swimming lessons and Playgroup. Its nice to be able to be there for you DD and enjoy all the activities with them.
    She still goes to kindergym and swimming but not playgroup. Now we do pre school. I dont regret at all waiting this long. My opinion with my kids is, its their turn now so ill let them do what they want. I dont mind being there and watching them play, i get my me time when Dadda is home and he gets to look after the kids.
    Im not a mother that looks forward to her kids not being there and i can wait till they start school because i love haveing them around.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2003


    I think 3 year old Kinder is a great benefit. And this year there were a couple of kids who started 4 y.o. kinder never doing 3 y.o. and you could tell the difference, half of them ended up going back down into 3 y.o. Kinder as they couldn't interact socially (not just with the kids but with the adults too). BUT I think if its not common practice all the kids would be on par iykwim? Whereas if everyone else is used to it and your child is not they will find it harder to interact espeically if pre existing friendships have been made etc.

    I think socially 3 y.o. kinder is fantastic, it helps them not just with kids but how to respond well to instructions from other adults, independence with toilet skills, opening their lunches, packing up after play, group activities and also (a big part of learning in 3 y.o.) is the ability to be assertive and indpendent (these are often the two skills that would prompt the children to repeat). And then the activities are very beneficial for motor skills, started literacy & numeracy, music appreciation, imaginative play etc etc

    Sometimes it is hard yes, but I think provided its a slow and steady process it will be definitely beneficial for you and your daughter.



  7. #7


    Kimberley started a 3 year plus programme this year and it was only 2.5 hours on a Monday and it's helped her a awful lot she's not the shy little girl like she used to be.

    Maybe look into something the same so she is not there all day but is learning and getting some social skills. That way if she doesn't like it then it's only for a few hours a week until she starts kindy at 4.

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