Is this allowed in Family Day Care?

[Celsie]

I'll give you some background. I was someone who said they'd never use FDC, because I saw no need for it when I'm a SAHM. A friend of mine (fellow SAHM) enrolled her son for 3 hours a week and suggested I do the same for DS, as it will help him in the long run, learning to be with someone other than Mummy and with the new baby due any day, it would give me a break and some one on one time with the new baby. I thought about it and decided that it wouldn't hurt and we'd give it a go.

I met the lady and did a tour of her house and all seemed fine. He's been going for a few weeks now and I decided I'd make it twice a week (2 X 3 hour sessions) as it was decided he might cope better if it was more regular, more routine. Her profile stated that she was single and had two grown-up children and a grandchild.

Anyway, I was late dropping him off this afternoon because DS overslept his afternoon nap. When I got there, there was a car in the driveway with no carseats in the back, so obviously not a parent. When we went inside, the FDC lady was there with one of the other kids and here was a man there also. He was standing in the kitchen and it looked like he'd made himself lunch, or had just finished, but he seemed very comfortable in his surroundings. I said "hello" and he said "hello" back, but that was it. The FDC lady offered me no introduction and continued feeding lunch to the other child. I chatted with her as I got DS organised and after about five minutes, the man just left, without saying goodbye to anyone.

I thought it was really strange that she didn't offer any explanation as to who this man was or why he was there. I mean, if he's her boyfriend, brother or just a friend, wouldn't you just say so?

So my question is, do FDC providers have to disclose if they have a "male friend" who will be at the house during times where you child will be there?

I'm terrified about paedophiles and do not feel comfortable about DS being exposed to adults, especially men who I've never met and know nothing about. I know it sounds like I'm just being paranoid, but as I was molested as a child and never want to put my son in a situation where it could happen to him.

[Lulu]

Hmm, I dunno. He could have been her brother but how are you supposed to know if she doesn't introduce you????

I think its only right that you know who is in the house with your children.

[Tinks]

Hmm... I'm not sure if that's OK or not. Would he have to have a working with children check to be int he house with them?

I agree you should have been introduced.

[Visitor8]

It isn't actually ok. I think they have to let you know and all people that will be around the children are required to get a police check. Maybe ask next time you drop him off. Could it have been her grown up child?

[mrsmac]

My FDC lady recently had family stay as her MIL was dying, they were in the house but totally seperate to where the kids were. Apart from that i trust my carer implicitly and have known her and her family for years so it doesn't bother me that her teenage kids are often home (I taught 2 of them anyway!) and that her father is sometimes over, to me that is part of the joy of FDC- the normality of being in a Family not an institution.
I guess since you don't know your carer you should ask her straight out and express your concerns to her first before you go higher up.
IMO the working with children checks mean nothing, I have heard of too many situations where people in positions of trust have still abused children, most abusers are not who you think they are going to be- often they are happily married or have their own kids and good jobs etc.

[Rouge]

Given what happened here in Vic where the older son (19) was molesting the children, I would not be comfortable with this and I would bring it up no matter how uncomfortable it would seem.

[prama]

yes, you have the right to know. seems weird that she didnt introduce him, apart from the fact it was rude....
as the girls suggested, may ring the assoc and ask what are the rules regarding having visitors, and then when you ask her, she cant really tell you otherwise.
also, having visitors distracts her from looking after the children...

[2CheekyMonkeys]

well i dont think they are supposed to have visitors during their hours of operation. i know that EVERYONE living in the house and possibly even visiting the house need to have child protection blue card. if it was me i would have been a little worried either. she should have introduced you.

[briggsy's girl]

when mum did FDC, if there were adults that were regularly in the house, they had to notify the council she was employed by and that person had a police check to confirm they were ok to be there. but being a home environment, people will sometimes just drop by - it would be rude to stop them coming in i guess.... i really depends on what access they have to the children - if he was in the kitchen and not in direct contact with the children....

she's told you she has older children, perhaps it was her son or something. i dunno. if you are uncomfy, mention it to her - that you just want to make sure you know what other adults are going to be in the house when your son is there....

[feeb]

I think you should know who is in the house with your kids.

We had a family friend who did FDC for years and we would often visit her when she still had kids but kids knew who person was by name and if parents turned up we were introduced. (diff is small country town and this was 12 years ago)

This is 1 of many reasons why I am not comfortable to use FDC.

[Leonie P]

Just ask her who he was. I don't know the rules surrounding FDC but if you are concerned call the FDC association they should be able to tell you the rules.
Always trust your gut!!!

[Floweryfields]

I'm not sure about FDC but I know with LDC we are not allowed to have persons in the centre who do not hold a blue card to ensure they have had their backgrounds looked into. This includes if I need to get the plumber in to unblock a loo or anything.
Why don't you ring the FDC assoc to check?

[luna moth]

I'm not sure about FDC but I know with LDC we are not allowed to have persons in the centre who do not hold a blue card to ensure they have had their backgrounds looked into. This includes if I need to get the plumber in to unblock a loo or anything.

Actually, that's probably Centre policy, and is not the law.

As someone said, there should be a record of who's in there. But don't ever feel like you can't ask - you are paying for her service and it is your RIGHT to know everything about it.

I would say contact your FDC assoc, council or community centre, or whoever runs it. Tell them everything, and they'll let you know what the story is. It could be something they haven't addressed, and your feedback might be really useful.

[Bathsheba]

I agree with Danniella and take advantage of the fact that she asked if you were happy with the level of care. Give her the benefit of any doubt and be polite but do say that when your son returns you'd like to be familarised with the FDC policy of visitors because it was the only thing you were really concerned about.

[organicem]

I would feel uncomfortable with this too.

Call the FDC Australia and ask them would be the best way to get a straight answer.

I'll give you some background. I was someone who said they'd never use FDC, because I saw no need for it when I'm a SAHM. A friend of mine (fellow SAHM) enrolled her son for 3 hours a week and suggested I do the same for DS, as it will help him in the long run, learning to be with someone other than Mummy and with the new baby due any day, it would give me a break and some one on one time with the new baby. I thought about it and decided that it wouldn't hurt and we'd give it a go.

I met the lady and did a tour of her house and all seemed fine. He's been going for a few weeks now and I decided I'd make it twice a week (2 X 3 hour sessions) as it was decided he might cope better if it was more regular, more routine. Her profile stated that she was single and had two grown-up children and a grandchild.

Anyway, I was late dropping him off this afternoon because DS overslept his afternoon nap. When I got there, there was a car in the driveway with no carseats in the back, so obviously not a parent. When we went inside, the FDC lady was there with one of the other kids and here was a man there also. He was standing in the kitchen and it looked like he'd made himself lunch, or had just finished, but he seemed very comfortable in his surroundings. I said "hello" and he said "hello" back, but that was it. The FDC lady offered me no introduction and continued feeding lunch to the other child. I chatted with her as I got DS organised and after about five minutes, the man just left, without saying goodbye to anyone.

I thought it was really strange that she didn't offer any explanation as to who this man was or why he was there. I mean, if he's her boyfriend, brother or just a friend, wouldn't you just say so?

So my question is, do FDC providers have to disclose if they have a "male friend" who will be at the house during times where you child will be there?

I'm terrified about paedophiles and do not feel comfortable about DS being exposed to adults, especially men who I've never met and know nothing about. I know it sounds like I'm just being paranoid, but as I was molested as a child and never want to put my son in a situation where it could happen to him.

[Pretty Butterfly]

I have been a FDC for a long time, although out on maternity leave for 3 yrs now....

Even before I left, any one living with, or regular visitor had to have a Police check and Working with Children check.

Also we had to have a Sign in book for ALL VISITORS. Even my mum had to sign it if she came over!!

The plumber, postie, anyone who came in the front door had to be signed in and out, so if any claims are made, we know who was in the house at what time. The book is viewable by all parents at all times.

Check and see if your FDC has this policy too. It should!!

[Celsie]

Okay... thought I'd give you all an update.

I haven't sent DS back since "that day" when the mystery man was at the FDC providers house. My friend (who's DS goes there) said that she saw this same man the other day when she went to pick up her DS. Apparently, when she got there, this man was sitting at the kitchen table with the FDC provider and the kids (the kids were eating lunch), so she decided that she's introduce herself. She said, "Hi, my name is Allie"... this man shook her hand but said nothing and then left shortly after. My friend asked the FDC provider if that was her partner to which she replied he was just a friend and STILL didn't say what his name was or what he was doing there.

She gave no further details and dropped the subject...

Now if there's nothing dodgy going on, why be so bloody secretive?

I won't be sending him back there. I'm so glad I listened to that nagging feeling in my tummy that said somthing wasn't quite right, because I really think something is wrong with this scenario.

[paradise lost]

Obviously i missed all of this, but i wanted to stop in and congratulate you for protecting your son so well. Trusting your instinct is probably the most powerful thing you can do to protect your kids. FWIW it all sounds terribly dodgy to me and i'd have also withdrawn DD given the situation (in fact i'd have probably demanded to know who the heck he was too! I don't care if i'm rude! LOL).

Well done hun, and congrats on Zahley Louise, she is a wee stunner!

Bx