Tearing my heart out... what would you do?

[alioops]

Hun I think he is picking up on what is happening at home. When we moved it was a massive change for Sarah and she took a couple of days at daycare to re adjust. Has John spoken to him about care? Does John see the kids regularly? It is normal for big changes at home to trigger increased separation anxiety.

Hang in there Kelly. It is another of life's big challenges. I hope he regains his independance soon.

Just a quick thought, How would Elijah cope with a day at the centre with you? how would YOU cope with that idea? Some kids just want to know what you do all day while they are away from you.

[BellyBelly]

Heya hon, he's usually fine for a little while but after then he's very bored and gets very silly/naughty. Its extremely stressful with him there. He's been a few times already, when I first opened and he was there last week for one day when I let him come with me. So not an option

[alioops]

Would it be possible to set up a creche at the centre? It would probably get a lot of client business during appointments, and then if Elijah was in there you could pop in as required to settle him, and you are less than 5 minutes away at all times. I can understand him being underfoot while you are trying to get work done being stressful - I cant get anything done while the girls are awake!

Good luck hun!!

[Jennifer13]

Kelly, the fact that he doesn't want to leave YOU probably means that it isn't the CCC itself. That's not necessarily going to change even if you move him. He is probably feeling the separation so much more with everything that's been going on. And so must you be!! No wonder you feel guilty... You are doing your very best, Kel, stop beating yourself up.

I hope you find a way to work with him so that you can still get work done and he is a bit more happy. Your routine sounds somewhat like what I have with my DD, she now has 2 days at preschool, one day with a friend (we do a swapsies - so I have her DS the next day) and one day with just me. We just added the extra preschool day 'cause her nanny has gone o/s. It might be worth looking into the cost of a nanny if you can share it with someone else or they are registered (you get something back, but not as much back as you do for CC). But in my experience, it took my DD longer to adjust to having me in the house but not with her, than it did for her to be away from me at preschool. She loved it once she'd gotten used to it (and so did I, 'cause it meant I could still see her throughout the day and the nanny did chores for us!), but it was an adjustment.

[Bathsheba]

Oh Kell to me it sounds like it could be a combination of things: him picking up on the home situation, over stimulation of the centre and his personality.

I also understand how hard it is in reality to shop around for another centre or kinder... most have waiting lists for a start... and the paperwork and planning needed for each one is incredible. You can't just "try out" a series of other centres... they won't let you leave your child there unless they are fully enrolled... and that costs money too. So, if you have faith in this centre then I'd stay put. Do you have a good intuitive feeling about it? Do you like the staff? If so then maybe try a few other options... like taking up Div's suggestions of dropping Liijie off with Ned. Maybe a bit more distraction could work? During the predictable sobbing times maybe do things a little differently... maybe dress him somewhere a bit different each morning... just to keep him guessing... dress him in your bedroom... or the lounge room... so that instead of thinking "mum's dressing me for the centre" he'll be thinking "why is mum dressing me in her bedroom?". This is what I tried when my 3yo (at the time) was wailing "I don't want to go to kiiiiinder" every moring last year. It ended up that I decided to dress him in front of the TV... ABC Kids to the rescue LOL it didn't work every time... but a good percentage of the time he was so engrossed in Thomas The Tank Engine to forget about his distress at being dressed for kinder. Just a temporary solution... now we have a "no tv before kinder rule" because things have settled down.

Does the centre have a communication book? Marydean made a good point about how the actual room can make or break a centre for some kids. It's not too noisey is it?

What's the plan over summer? Will he keep going or do you have a break planned? I have found my kids do a alot of growing (physically and emotionally) over the summer months. Fingers crossed that Liijie will move through this anxiety over summer and settle into a happier pattern next year. In the meantime possibly the best thing you can do is muster all your inner resources and exude calmness with dealing with his anxiety. He might also be picking up on yours... remember to look into his eyes with all the calmness and happiness that you can find. Not a super happy "everything is rosey" approach... just keep telling him that you understand but remind him that everything will be ok... don't soothe him constantly in a way that implies that his fears are kind of justified... if you have faith in the centre make sure this trust is conveyed. I hope this hasn't come across as condescending... it such a subtle thing, hard to express. But well done on being so tuned in to your son's needs