Help. He keeps getting bitten :(

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 11th, 2012, 04:30 PM

so another incident at daycare today with my poor boy being bitten. that's about the 10th time this Year and 2nd in 4 days. They won't tell me if it's the same kid or not. all they tel me is that he is playing quietly and then crying with a bite mark on his body. What can I do?

**Santosha** · December 11th, 2012, 04:51 PM

I'd be getting pretty firm and clear with the staff that they need provide more answers and plannin and they should be protecting your son more. Once in a while, yes, these things happen and they can be difficult to foresee and prevent. 10 times in a year... that's a pattern and I'd tend to guess it's the same kid who should be a) being more closely supervised and b) helping him/her address whatever's driving the biting. Fine, don't tell you who it is, but they ought to be more forthright on the situation so you can make decisions about your child.

**surprised** · December 11th, 2012, 05:58 PM

I'd be having a meeting with a senior staff member. If the biter is going to be there next year, I'd want to know if they have a long-term plan to deal with it. I'd also want to know what they are doing in terms of dealing with the biter each time it happens.

Once or twice you figure is kids being kids. But 10 times in a year is an awful lot.

Hugs. It's awful when we can't be there every minute of every day. I'd be trying to use it as the chance to build skills to deal with unpleasant things - ask him how it is making him feel, talk about why it's not a kind thing to do etc

**lise** · December 11th, 2012, 06:09 PM

The centre should definitely have a policy in place regarding children who bite and how they deal with it, so I'd be asking to see these if you haven't already. Sounds like they need to supervise more closely if they aren't even noticing it happen, I would talk to the room leader or director about your concerns.

Hope it stops soon xx

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 11th, 2012, 06:12 PM

DH picked him up this arvo and after having a convo with the director on way in, on the way out she asked DS who did it and he told her. she knew cause she had seen the report so knows he wast lying not that a 22 month old knows how to lie. Was apparently the kid I thought but it's the first time he has bitten him. hmmm seen very similar bite mark before. I Have asked for copies of all bite related incident report's.

**forshelby** · December 11th, 2012, 06:56 PM

They should be giving you more information on how it's being dealt with, definitely. You can lodge a fomal complaint if you're unsatisfied with their handling of the incidents. Me, I'd be having stern words with the director and if it happens again, considering a change of kindy.

I'm a bit sensitive though to kindies and their 'sweep it under the rug' tactics, esp. after DS was overdosed on his meds, and they refused my demand to fire the.person who ignored policy. *shrug* It's a tough decision to decide to move your child, but sometimes it's best.

I hope DS is ok.

**forshelby** · December 11th, 2012, 06:57 PM

They should be giving you more information on how it's being dealt with, definitely. You can lodge a fomal complaint if you're unsatisfied with their handling of the incidents. Me, I'd be having stern words with the director and if it happens again, considering a change of kindy.

I'm a bit sensitive though to kindies and their 'sweep it under the rug' tactics, esp. after DS was overdosed on his meds, and they refused my demand to fire the.person who ignored policy. *shrug* It's a tough decision to decide to move your child, but sometimes it's best.

I hope DS is ok.

**peanutter** · December 11th, 2012, 07:15 PM

Similar is happening with DS1 and a particular little boy (H). Every time there's a "note" for us, there's one for H's parents too, and DS1 is consistently coming home, telling us that H is hurting him. Biting, hitting, pushing him off equipment, etc. Not just general rough-housing, but causing bruises and bleeding.

I tried to raise it a few times gently with staff members, and being brushed of with comments along the lines of "DS1 keeps playing with the naughty boys".

I got sick of those kind of responses (with no actual suggestions of how the situation would be managed - though they did have an info night specifically about biting a year ago which was really good) I spoke with the Director, and basically asked when DS1 or H would be moved to the next room, as the situation is not improving and they say there's nothing they can do.

Since raising it outright, without being confrontational but being clear that I want to know what they're going to do and when something has clearly changed, as although H won't be moved up to the next room until February, DS1 hasn't had any incident reports or complaints about H ... so either there's been a miracle, or they're keeping a closer eye and intervening.

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 11th, 2012, 07:23 PM

thanks guys. I Will see what tomorrow holds.

thanks nutter DS is a few months older than T so hoping he moves up early

**peanutter** · December 11th, 2012, 07:54 PM

You can always ask, too. Particularly if there's a good reason to keep them apart.

The worst they can do is say no.

**2CheekyMonkeys** · December 12th, 2012, 06:01 AM

Just threaten to move him from centre if they aren't separated and I bet they will shuffle the rooms around!!

This can be a common problem and I bet the staff are shadowing the biter around, very stressed out and feel a little helpless even. Even with total shadowing they often still get a bite in here and there. The staff have probably stopped more bite attempts than have actually occurred each day!

Also, it is sometimes something that they just need to grow out of. Hopefully the staff are trying lots of different things, routine changes, environment changes, communicating with biters parents, extra staff members etch, etc, etc!

**Frangipani Lou** · December 12th, 2012, 06:28 AM

I agree with 2CM.
Check to se that the staff are actually shadowing( following and interacting positively, redirecting any trigger behavior) the child who is biting. They should also be documenting what's happening before and after the incident, what time, day of the week and any other circumstances relevant to the incidents to see if there is a pattern or a trigger to the biting.
Is the other child teething? Do they need something else to bite on?
Did they explain why they can't tell you who the child that's biting is?

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 12th, 2012, 06:39 AM

privacy apparently.

they told me they didn't see the actual biting yesterday which concerns me. I'm wondering If all these incidents are why he has started to cry when I drop him off.

Could he be scared he's going to get bitten again?

**Ryatha** · December 12th, 2012, 07:57 AM

I've had this problem with both DD1 and DD2. Both times I asked for a sit down meeting with the team leader and my child, spoke about what DD can do to avoid the instigator and that should it continue then I would take it to head office.

DD1 was bitten on the face and blood drawn and infection so you can imagine I wasn't impressed. I ended up taking her out of that centre. DD2's biter was her 'best friend' and they would play great but as soon as her friend got angry she'd bite. Eventually DD2 was moved rooms and by the time her friend moved up too she had grown out of it.

Also we taught both of them to say 'stop I don't like that' and put their hand out to push the other child away. That helped and gave both girls a sense of some control of their surrounds.

**Beautiful Disaster** · December 12th, 2012, 08:07 AM

I've Told him that too. he did push the kid away last week that's when he got bitten. Poor boy I really don't wanna change him again but I am making enquiries just incase

**RainbowRiver** · December 12th, 2012, 08:10 AM

When I was dropping off DS this morning, I was waiting to pay fees, accidentally listening into the directors phone call and from what I can tell, a parent has lodged a complaint about the centre as a STAFF members child has been biting her son numerous times. Who ever she was speaking to said 'No as per our policy I didn't tell the mother the child's name as I'd be breaching privacy'. She then went on to say the child's name (the biter), then I knew what child she was talking about.

The mum had said she was removing the child unless propwr action was taken (the director also said that the mum didn't feel appropriate action was being taken to protect her child).

**My Three Sons** · December 12th, 2012, 07:23 PM

I used to work in childcare and we had an incredibly big problem with a child who used to bite. The child always seemed to target a couple of children in particular- this is a 1.5-3 year old. Biting takes a split second to occur. Often at this age it is because children of this age group can not express their needs/wants clearly and let's face it- biting gets a reaction. While it is horrible to see bite marks on your child (my children attend childcare and have been bitten by others plenty of times), it is incredibly difficult for childcare centre staff to monitor. They can not be expected to be watching every single child at every single second of the day. You try watching 4-5 children or more at once and you will see just how difficult it is. You may see something happen, but be too far away to prevent it. It takes a split second. Just like a child hitting another child with a toy. It is unexpected until it happens, even if it is a child who has been known to bite. You can't have a childcare worker hover over that one biting child all day long just incase they go to bite. One day I even had him sitting right next to me because he had bitten another child, when another child asked me to assist to tie her shoe. I lent over to do that and the child who was bitten walked directly next to our nipper, and he bit her arm as she went past. It was literally 2 seconds when I wasn't looking at him. We had huge plans in place for our little nipper. He was not doing it with the intent of hurting, he just liked the reaction as he found it difficult to communicate with the children and get their attention as he very clear with his language. He was an adorable child, who couldn't communicate well at that time and needed help. Unfortunately that child that was bitten was removed from the centre by her parents because of our "lack of action". We couldn't tell her who was doing it, we couldn't tell her all of our plans on what we were doing about it because that contradicted the privacy of the other child's family (who was incredibly concerned and upset at their child's behaviour and was working with us and special services to try to fix the problem). Trust me, I am sure the other family is just as upset that their child is hurting your child, and are doing all they can. Biting sucks, but when you have so many children in the one area, it happens, no matter how careful the staff are and how much they try to prevent it.
Although biting looks terrible, you can't exclude children for doing it. Children of this age often hurt each other while learning their social skills. They hit, bite, push etc, other children and children get hurt. If you were to kick the biter out, then you would have to kick out any child that pushed, or hit etc.
I know it isn't probably what anyone wants to hear, but I assure you, childcare workers do their absolute best to protect your children. Unfortunately children are unpredictable and you can't always prevent them getting hurt.

**The[cookie]Doctor** · December 12th, 2012, 08:21 PM

I used to work in childcare and we had an incredibly big problem with a child who used to bite. The child always seemed to target a couple of children in particular- this is a 1.5-3 year old. Biting takes a split second to occur. Often at this age it is because children of this age group can not express their needs/wants clearly and let's face it- biting gets a reaction. While it is horrible to see bite marks on your child (my children attend childcare and have been bitten by others plenty of times), it is incredibly difficult for childcare centre staff to monitor. They can not be expected to be watching every single child at every single second of the day. You try watching 4-5 children or more at once and you will see just how difficult it is. You may see something happen, but be too far away to prevent it. It takes a split second. Just like a child hitting another child with a toy. It is unexpected until it happens, even if it is a child who has been known to bite. You can't have a childcare worker hover over that one biting child all day long just incase they go to bite. One day I even had him sitting right next to me because he had bitten another child, when another child asked me to assist to tie her shoe. I lent over to do that and the child who was bitten walked directly next to our nipper, and he bit her arm as she went past. It was literally 2 seconds when I wasn't looking at him. We had huge plans in place for our little nipper. He was not doing it with the intent of hurting, he just liked the reaction as he found it difficult to communicate with the children and get their attention as he very clear with his language. He was an adorable child, who couldn't communicate well at that time and needed help. Unfortunately that child that was bitten was removed from the centre by her parents because of our "lack of action". We couldn't tell her who was doing it, we couldn't tell her all of our plans on what we were doing about it because that contradicted the privacy of the other child's family (who was incredibly concerned and upset at their child's behaviour and was working with us and special services to try to fix the problem). Trust me, I am sure the other family is just as upset that their child is hurting your child, and are doing all they can. Biting sucks, but when you have so many children in the one area, it happens, no matter how careful the staff are and how much they try to prevent it.
Although biting looks terrible, you can't exclude children for doing it. Children of this age often hurt each other while learning their social skills. They hit, bite, push etc, other children and children get hurt. If you were to kick the biter out, then you would have to kick out any child that pushed, or hit etc.
I know it isn't probably what anyone wants to hear, but I assure you, childcare workers do their absolute best to protect your children. Unfortunately children are unpredictable and you can't always prevent them getting hurt.

^ WSS. It is also against privacy laws for us to disclose any direct information about other children other than to let you know that their parents have also been informed, or that the child has a behaviour management plan etc. The other child's name should not be listed on the accident/incident report for this reason.

Still, you should at least ask to see their behavour management policy (and it is a legislative requirement that it is made available to anyone who asks for it at all times) and ask if they have any management plans in place for "repeat offenders" and what these involve. this will include having enough experiences for multiple children to access, maybe to be encouraging more tactile play (playdough, waterplay, slime etc), shadowing as mentioned above etc...