I felt alot of pressure from my family (to circumcise) as my brother is circumcised and they saw it necessary but I chose not to. I spoke to male friends, my then partner and a midwife and saw no need. Each to their own I guess.
Just one thing I'd like to add is that there are so few places that do the procedure these days that anyone who does do it will seem like they do a lot of them kwim? So just because someone does x amount in a day, he might be the only person that does them in any given area. Also UTI's are preventable most of the time and again a lot of issues that men have with them is a failure to keep it adequately clean.
I would have liked the option of staying with my baby to comfort him. My husband was not happy about that either. We did not know until the day unfortunately. Ofcourse you want to be WITH your baby if he is going through anything like that. But I guess some parents like it better that way?
You know, that raises an interesting question - if you can't bare to see it done, then why do it? Doesn't that provide an answer for you kwim? Not directed at anyone at all, more of a rhetorical question really.
Trillian - that's EXACTLY why I found having to witness the procedure (twice in one day) as a student so distressing. The parents in my situation were given a choice to be there or leave and they chose to leave. I know that sounds judgemental of me, I don't mean to be and I understand parents not wanting to see their kids in pain but it really upset me. It's probably not representative of what most parents do (or would want to do like Cathy), and most probably do stay but parents leaving is what I saw. It might not have been so bad an experience for me, if the parents making the choice to have the procedure done on their baby had chosen to stay and comforted their child (remember that the ones I saw did not have pain relief - they screamed until they were purple).
ETA: In hindsight, I should have been more assertive and left myself. I knew at the outset that I didn't want to see it (and medical procedures like that have nothing to do with my training), but being a student on placement there was a lot of pressure to "put my best foot forward".
I do agree with this. You should be there when your baby is having it done. It's more upsetting NOT to be there I think. Because you have no idea what the baby is going through. I guess the reason the dr didn't allow it is because some parents might get a bit crazy? Who knows..
You might be right Cathy. From my experience it is distressing and even sitting outside, the parents in my case could clearly hear their babies distress. Maybe your doctor has had some full on reactions from parents. Although I think the pain free methods sound like they would be 'easier' to observe.
Interesting to see this thread today of all days... my best friend just yesterday told me if she had her time again she would NOT have got her little boy circumcised. He is going back this Thursday for the THIRD time to have it "fixed". It's been stuffed up from day one and only half worked so he's now back for a "fix" as it's sore and the skin too tight yet again. When you get them done you have to "pop" the head out every day (so I've been told) .... not something I think would be fun to do..lol.
Neither of my boys are done and it wasn't even a question raised about it. If this next one is a boy then he won't be done either. I personally don't see a need for it unless there is a medical reason. Cleanliness isn't an issue as long as when they're a bit older you make them aware of cleaning properly when bathing or showering... which is something that I think we'd teach them even if they were done anyway.
I think it depends on where it is done as to whether they will let you go in - friends of ours who got both their boys done were allowed to have one parent go in. It is something I think I would force the issue with as I think as a whole they would suffer a lot less if a parent was with them to soothe them kwim?
Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts and experiences. It is a really tricky and contentious area (especially for couples who have differing beliefs!)...
In our case my DH is Jewish by birth rather than practice. But I think for him it is all he knows and he hasn't considered the other side. I'm trying 'gently' to encourage him to look at the reasons why you wouldn't do the chop... I don't necessarily want to challenge or change his beliefs, I just want him to be well informed on the issue before insisting that it is something we should have done if we have a son.
At the end of the day if it is something that he feels extremely strongly about I think I might leave it in his hands. He can find an appropriate Dr to do it (with pain relief etc) while the baby is still very young and I will insist on him being there with him when it is done... But that said, I'm not so sure I could live with myself if there were complications or something did go wrong... It's such a difficult issue!
Last edited by Miss E; January 4th, 2009 at 08:01 AM.
This is one of those decisions that is so hard to make, and at the end of the day there just might not be a "right" answer. Certainly the medical profession can't even agree so what hope do we have!
We decided to have DS1 done - using the plasitbel as has been mentioned above for mainly similar reasons to Mel - decreased risk of UTI etc and needing to have it done later. The thing that swayed us more than anything was having a close friend who needed to have it done as an older child after he developed problems. He still remembers how painful that was and is a strong advocate of circumsing babies as a result.
One of my main concerns about having it done (after I found out that the plastibel method was basically pain free), was about DS being different from other boys given the low circ rate. My mind was also eased somewhat on this count by a school teacher in our ante-natal class who said that more than half of the younger kids at her school were done (aparently boys talk about it!) although fewer than half of the older ones were. So it appears to be getting more popular again.
Having said that though, since having DS1, and then DS2 done, most of the boys I have come across seem not to have been done. So now I am not sure whether we did the right thing. Certainly neither boy seemed to feel pain and neither has had any problems since, so fomr that pov it's all good. So I guess we just wait and see what happens at school.
As I said, a difficult decision. And a very personal one.
A friend of mine who is circumcised has very strong issue about the look of his penis and has had pain while having sex, so much so hes sought counselling. He now wishes his mother had not done it but left the decision up to him. I have a son and hes never had any infections but if he was to ask me to let him be done ,as long as he understood fully what would happen, I would let him. His body , his penis and his decision.
But thats just me. Its a personal choice and if your comfortable then proceed but if youve doubts about it, dont.
just to let you know that in a tradtional brit milah (ritual circumcision - jewish) you can also use pain relief as described above (emla cream etc) and you also do not have to invite lots of people over (as many people do) you can do it privately with your family and the mohel. It would not be a rabbi but a mohel who does it, and most of them are drs also. if you decide to go ahead with it spk to the mohel beforehand and find out what aftercare they have and also what you do beforehand (ie emla, other pain relief etc). PM me if you want more info.
Our reasons fo having DS done were the same as Mantaray's and Mel's, DH was in the army and had seen a lot of really bad infections of uncirced guys when they were out bush and that added to our decision.
Its a very very emotional issue and you will get passionate opinions from both sides, there have been many heated debates on BB about this in the past, maybe look at some old threads.
Whatever you decide is your choice, you have to choose what's best for YOUR family not worry about what other people think.
My ds is chopped. My dh made the desicion- I was not happy with it but I felt it was his desicion to make- he is the authority on matters of the penis in this house, not me
Dh went in with him. It was done by a fantastic surgeon. It was very painful for ds for the first 24 hours, until we took the dressing off. It was traumatic for me too- he was only 3 weeks old at the time. He cried. i cried. Dh cried.
I have heard- from the surgeon that did ds- that if you get the baby done before 6 weeks of age, they can be done with a local anesthetic. Otherwise, you have to wait until they are over 12 months, and the need to go under a general anesthetic, which is an increased risk (as with any surgery that requires a general).
Ds had no problems with it, it has healed well and, IMO, looks 'nicer' (and yes, I am fully aware that is no reason to get it done but I'm looking at the positive side of the desicion that was made).
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