What am I doing wrong?

[Jakabella]

Is he on medication for reflux? Thickened formula will not take the pain away.

[forshelby]

We aren't medicating him with losec or zantax or whachamacallit. I think a trip to the GP is in order. Maybe I can get an alcohol prescription to ease my pain. LOL.

He's finally asleep but I feel totally dead inside after running on empty for so long. I sooooo don't want to admit i'm struggling and out of my depth. I swore I was born to be a mother,now I feel silly for ever thinking I could handle such challenges. I had no idea I'd get the 'push you to the edge of insanity' baby. Then I feel ungrateful as there are so many of us who would give their right arm to have a baby. Any baby. The shrill screaming would be music to the ears of a LT TTCer and here I am whinging about my precious boy.

There's that mothers guilt again. To those who've experienced loss, or simply are struggling to get pg, I am so sorry, and yes, I do realise how ungrateful I sound. It's ok to think the things you're thinking. Really. Shame on me.

[onthefly]

Forshelby, show me a mother who has never felt that way and I will show you a liar. Some babies do challenge us more than others, but having to do it all on your own is always giong to make it hard to cope. We are not designed to parent alone, but sadly that's the way it works out in our society more often than not.
You don't need to apologise. And feeling you can't cope does not make you a failure as a mother, it just shows that you need help (and we all need help)

[Arimeh]

Forshelby, show me a mother who has never felt that way and I will show you a liar. Some babies do challenge us more than others, but having to do it all on your own is always giong to make it hard to cope. We are not designed to parent alone, but sadly that's the way it works out in our society more often than not.
You don't need to apologise. And feeling you can't cope does not make you a failure as a mother, it just shows that you need help (and we all need help)

Awesome post. Wanted to give you rep but had to share the love. But its spot on, and I couldn't agree more.

[forshelby]

Thing is, I'm not in this alone. I have DP and he's great, but we're both burnt out. That's it. I'm going to see my GP tomorrow and not leaving without some kind of plan of attack. (or defense? lol) A fist full of tranquilisers for mummy wouldn't go astray either. *chuckle*

[Razzberry]

Forshelby - I feel for you, I was in your shoes not too long ago, except I had lots of support around me which sounds like you don't have I highly recommend getting your GP to write you a referral to a paediatrician as they are trained to deal with reflux babies. Most GPs only have a basic understanding with it. Thickened formula is normally the first thing that a doctor will tell you to try, and most of the time for a true reflux baby it doesn't have much effect. My dd was diagnosed at 3 weeks though she had it since she was 2 days old. She is now 20 months and is still taking losec. I struggled on and on for months and at the end had lost all of my confidence in my ability as a mother an ended up with PND. People who haven't had a reflux baby really have no idea - I had read all the books, tried everyones advice and it never worked. My DD hated sleep, was always crying and was an unhappy, serious baby. First she was on Zanatc which only helped mildly, then losec - which I must say is a wonderful drug. For my DD it really helped, it never took it away completely, but def helped with sleeping and crying.
Reflux babies are in extreme pain constantly from the acid that is burning them, even when they go on medication it can take a few weeks for full improvement because their osophegus? spell? needs to heal as its been irritated and burnt by the acid.
I had no idea reflux could cause so many problems, My DD had physio for a full year from 6-16 months as she was constantly tense due to pain and didn't learn how to isolate her muscles. These are the things that people and even some doctors wont tell you.
I am so sorry you feel so helpless at the moment, guilt doesn't help either, I had experienced loss, infertility and a high risk pregnancy so I remember feeling even worse that I wanted my DD so badly but it was so darn hard.
sending you a hug and hoping you can see a doc who will be able to give you some more help. I hated the idea of my dd being on medication and find it extremely hard that she is still on medication at this stage but if thats what is going to give my dd relief then I tell myself I have to do it.

[~Trish~]

Just want to send more cyber hugs, you sound so exhausted . And please know, we have ALL felt on the brink of sanity and wondered what the hell we were thinking about having a baby . I promise it gets easier, that's why we go back for more eventually . You are doing such a brilliant job, you'll look back and realise it for yourself one day .

I like the idea of a hammock, but so far no contraption I've blown money on has worked. Maybe hire is a possibility. The GP has gone over him and found nothing of concern, surely if something was dislocated etc he would know? Perhaps the chiro is worth a go. On top of the physio bills it's going to be extremely hard to find the extra money but if it helps then I need to beg borrow or steal to get him sorted.

You can get second hand hammocks really cheap from eBay these days too if that helps. If I lived closer I'd lend you mine so you could see if he likes it first! As for the GP not finding anything of concern, my DS1 was looked over by a couple of paediatricians in the hospital who did not pick up his shoulder issue . It was only the chiro that picked it up. I made sure they had an extra good look at my next two babies, I wasn't going through that again!

A trip to the GP sounds like a good plan of attack

[Taurean]

Get a referral to a Paed. We saw our doctor three times and despite her finally prescribing Zoton, which did nothing, she was useless at diagnosing the issue and told me it was normal for babies to behave that way.

I was at our Paed no less than 2 minutes and he'd diagnosed silent reflux. He listened to me and saw and heard her symptoms right there! As a PP said, Paed's specialise in children issues and reflux is a very common issue. GPs have very limited experience with reflux babies and from my personal experience and what I've heard from friends and BB members, they are very reluctant to medicate reflux babies due to their lack of knowledge and experience.

And what MadB said is spot on, ALL mothers are challenged to practical insanity at some stage or another. You are not alone hon

[Olive]

darl, is he gaining weight??
id also suggest a change of formula, like the nerd burger try goats milk, he may have a lactose or milk protien allergy, if it gets worse, id present to the ER
xxxx

[ellasmummy]

forshelby my dd screamed for the first 6 weeks of her life, sometimes for 6-7 hours at a time. she was sleeping about 9 hours out of 24, which for a newborn is crazy. I seriously thought i would lose my mind. she couldn't be put down EVER, peed with her on my lap a few times!! and my poor dd1 was sooo neglected since we started her on losec she is like a new baby!! still has the odd scream session, but what bub doesnt i suppose. she has the odd refluxy day, and wont lay flat or sleep much during the day, but OMG the change was huuuge. I know how you are feeling and it sucks, i felt like i couldn't really enjoy her and dont have one photo of her until she is 6 weeks old not screaming unless she is being held or in the bath!! we also took her to the chiro, and the first night after she slept for 6 hours straight in her own bed - miracle.

things that used to work, which you have probably tried, really deep bath tilted so not laying flat but still floating around, putting chocks under basinette, changetable etc so not laying flat, using the sling when out and about. my dd still screams herself to sleep in the car and hates the swing etc....GP reckons that once she is sitting and eating solids it should improve dramaticaly but thats still a while off!! hope you find something that works for you, big hugs. x

ETA - she has silent reflux

[black_rose]

Haven't read all the replys but I from what I did read get off the ar formula and try goat/lactose free or soy. The ar formula made Ds worse he screamed for hours afterwards as Ge tried to digest it. If you need a thickener try infant gaviscon but more importantly get onto Zantac or losec now! Ds was so much calmer as soon as he went on meds.
Another tip when teething strikes no nurofen, we are back on Zantac as it left Ds screaming in pain.

Hope you can find a solution that works. I also found the car worked wonders the vibrations are soothing.

[Razzberry]

Any luck with the GP today Forshelby?

[kristi14]

I feel for you, thats how i felt my DS was before putting him on losec.

Sounds like your lil man definitely needs meds, i hope you had some luck with the gp today and he has now been prescribed something. If thinking about formula changes look at lactose free, soy or goats milk. If concerned that maybe the thickener doesnt agree with him, try getting a tin of thickener and adding it yourself, that way then you can try any formula that you need to.

I also recommend trying a chiropractor for babies, i took my lil man to one and he was out in his lower back and upper spine due to a super fast 2 minute second stage during labour and him having to be twisted as he came out because he was tangled up in his cord. It helped him alot and after seeing the chiro he started sleeping 6 to 8 hr nights when previously i was lucky to get 2 hrs sleep from him round the clock.

Another suggestion i have is if you aren't already using it, trying Nan AR, its a totally different consistency to normal formula, its almost like a gel and its helped my DS be even more settled. Baby will most likely poop excessively (like 6 times a day and smelly) for the first week though.

I hope you get some relief and a well earned rest soon

[luna moth]

Hey, mate, just saw this. Our little girl spent six hours in the sling every day, as a minimum, and would only handle being put down if it was with her pants off. Then she would kick around for 20 minutes or so, which was nice. It has got better, but still hard work.

I have a Hushamok hammock. We're not really using it a lot at the moment - if you want to go down the hammock road you are welcome to try it out.

and you are most certainly not ungrateful! I know how much you love your little guy - enormous amounts of love actually don't stop it being incredibly hard work.

[Nicole Tracy]

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a rough time - at least you have great support here on BB, and so much good advice.

I'll just add a couple of things - I have found Cranio-Sacral Osteopaths to be the best at settling little people. There can be compression in the cranial bones that can cause babies to be very unsettled, and work can be done on the bubba's head and neck and spine, addressing digestive and sleep problems. In my experience, I have seen dramatic improvements in babies treated with cranio. The other possibility is to see a Naturopath or Homeopath who specialises in babies. If money is an issue, you could try Endeavour College (Gold Coast campus) - they have a student clinic which is cheap/free and is supervised by highly qualified practitioners. I feel your little one may improve with some infant probiotics and homeopathic medicines.

Hope all went well with your GP and that you have some new solutions - remember, you're a wonderful mother and you're doing everything right. Hang in there!

Warmest regards, all the best xxx

[*EJ*]

DD is a reflux baby. We have two boys who never had more than a very minor issue then DD came along and whoa we didn't know what hit us!! We kept getting told by the MCHN it was normal behaviour so we tried to persist but found it really hard to understand how her being so visably uncomfortable could be considered normal. She barely slept for an hour or more during the day and would feed every couple of hours (bfeeding), nights would be a screaming match from about 6pm-10 or 11pm when she'd finally pass out and sleep. Just out of curiosity how does your little one travel in the car? DD screamed at the top of her lungs every car trip and i have since read that the car seat position isn't a fave for reflux babies (not much we can do about that). At 7 weeks we took her to the drs and she was prescribed zantac. It took a bit to work it's stuff but it worked and she's now currently still taking it and we're still unable to wean her off.

Like the girls say you're trying and doing everything in your power to sooth your baby and i too would recommend going the GP and hopefully getting a script for something.
Keep trying and between your DP and you'll get there

As mentioned above i too tired the osteopath, for me it's hard to say how much of an effect it had as she'd just begun on zantac so the results could have been from one or the other or both!? She screamed all through the sessions though and i think we had three.

[Jakabella]

How did you go?