Is 15 months to early yo try to 'set' a bedtime?

[Haydies]

Ok, my second thread in a week, sorry girls, but this is a different question so figured a new thread would be a better move.

As I mentioned recently, we're starting a new routine for bed time where one of us just sits beside DD's bed until she falls asleep. Instead of lying down with her.

My question however, is are we trying to get her down too early?

We're aiming for 7:30pm because I feel that's an acceptable time, and it allows us enough time to get what we need done at night. Problem is, so far, DD's not fallen asleep until 9:30pm each time - two hours later.

Now I've got no problem sitting there for the two hours, I have my laptop so I'm good to go. But I'm wondering, since she falls asleep almost 9:30 on the dot, every time, if we're trying to get her down too early?

Should we be allowing her to stay up till 9:30 since that's when she falls asleep? If we keep trying at 7:30, will she eventually fall asleep earlier?

Some days I swear she is tired and ready at 7:30 because we have eye rubs and tired signs. But as soon as she has her feed, she's ready to party again.

As I said, I completely don't mind sitting there for the two hours. I just worry that she might not be ready at 7:30 and we're inflicting two hours of boredom on her to suit us...

[fionas]

If you've tried 7.30pm a few times and it hasn't worked, I'd be tempted to try to do it gradually so shift to 9.15, then 9.00 etc. etc.

[Oorki Galoorki]

i think what your doing is fine. i would be worried that if you had her up til 9.30 then she might not sleep until 11.30.
in your bed time routine does she get a wind down time before bed? she might be a child that needs a good amount of wind down time before she is ready for sleep which is why its 2 hours before going to sleep.

[Ozziehoffy]

Sounds like Oskar!! He can be rubbing his eyes and we've started doing the wind down at 8:30 instead of say 9 but he almost NEVER goes to sleep before pretty much 9:30/9:45... and it's like clockwork. On the flipside though, he generally sleeps until around 8am which I love ...hehe.

[Haydies]

We have a good half hour - hour long routine before bed which consists of our last bit of food at 6:30pm, followed by cuddles and milk on the couch. About 7pm we pop in for a bath which is relatively relaxed (not a lot of playing/activity, just gentle playing). After the bath we dry and put our PJ's on, have our hair brushed (which she LOVES) and then into bed for a B/F. After the feed we have 10 minutes of cuddles or so before I sit beside her with the laptop.

She usually just lies there watching me, or will play with her elephant (small stuffed toy) and fluff about.

Unfortunately most mornings she's also up at 7am...

[Oorki Galoorki]

have you had a read of the no cry sleep solution book?? there is one for babies and one for toodlers too.
in there they recomend the ideal bed time is 7/8 pm. but that the wind down actually starts at 5/5.30.. if you can get your hands on it i might be a great resource for you

[Haydies]

Aye, have that book. It's how we managed to move away from the feed-to-sleep habbit.

[Spring Angel]

I think you could try to reduce her bedtime gradually as Fionas suggested. DS crashes between 6.30pm and 7.00pm every night and I love my time at night to do what I couldn't get done in a day.

Perhaps have the last BF, cuddles and then let her know that you are leaving but that you'll be back in 5 mins to check on her. I would attend to her straight away if she's upset, but if she is just calmly lying on her bed with her elephant then I think that is fine. I know sitting with her doesn't bother you but I wouldn't want to get her into the routine of taking 2 hours to wind down regardless of the time she is actually going to bed.

HTH
Spring

[Haydies]

Unfortunately leaving her line of sight is not an option at the moment. She gets upset when I get out of bed until she realises I am going to be staying, but just sitting on the floor.

The bedtime routine we have at the moment is fine, as I said, I have no problem sitting there. I'm more curious on if I'm just trying too early.

[sunshine_sieben]

Maya had a set bedtime at about 9 months. When I say "set" I mean a little flexible. I would usually put her down beween 7 and 8, but of course there were exceptions. Like if she fell asleep in the car at 5pm for half an hour, of course, I wouldn't try and out her to sleep by 7. No chance.

If you would like to change her bed time, I would suggest fiddling with her day sleeps (if necessary) and gradually moving her bedtime from 9:30 to 7:30 (change it to 9:15 for a few days, then 9, and so on). Otherwise there might come the day where you resent having to sit at her bedside for 2 hours every night. Also, could she be finding the lights from your laptop stimulating? I know my daughter found me doing something very distracting. Even me looking at her, stopped her from going to sleep. I used to pretend to be sleeping myself.
A predictable bedtime routine might help, too. You know, like maybe a bath, breast or bottle feed, quiet cuddles, maybe a good night song or a story, then bed. Just so she knows what's coming and what's expected of her.
I still lie down with DD for her to go to sleep. But these days it usually takes her between 5 and 10 minutes to really get sleepy. I then transfer her to bed, say goodnight, she often gives me another tired look, then cuddles up with her Teddy.

All the best.
Saša

[sunshine_sieben]

Sorry, I only just read your post abut your routine. That sounds fine to me. I don't think you're trying to put her to bed too early. But she is in the pattern to eb going to bed later, as others have said, try and change that pattern slowly. It might take you a month to get to your desired bedtime of 7:30. Don't rush her, otherwise it probably won't work.
Have you tried singing to her? I really really really can't sing. But DD loves it when I sing to her. I can then slowly leave the room and the sound reassures her for a little while longer...
Or have you tried music? Between 6 and 12 months, music made DD feel like she's not alone.

[Haydies]

Slight improvement tonight - 8:39pm she fell asleep.

It helped though that she had her day sleep pretty much right when she needed it to be tired by 7:30pm. She had it from 12 - 2 basically.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I had DS have a bedtime from under 2m old. We would aim for 8pm, bath at 7.30. It wouldn't always work, but that was "bedtime" (unless Dr Who is on, that's DS's treat night and he stays up).

Now bathtime is 7pm (unless a new Dr Who is on, he's in a new place and excited or just had a day sleep and DH didn't wake him so he's not at all tired and happy being up and playing) and bedtime around 7.30 - he's usually around 7.25-7.45 these days, 8pm at the latest.

At 15m old it was more 8-8.30 that he gave up and went to sleep, but we were aiming for 7.30 still.

I found that a BF too late would gear him up again; if he didn't feed to sleep then it was trouble. But he'd dropped all but the morning feed by 15m so that was no longer an issue.

[Haydies]

I found that a BF too late would gear him up again; if he didn't feed to sleep then it was trouble. But he'd dropped all but the morning feed by 15m so that was no longer an issue.

Oh interesting you mention this. Both DH and I see a massive difference in DD after a BF. She will be falling down tired, grizzly, whiney and crying. Have a BF and then he happy, giggling and full of energy.

Do you think it's the BF causing have the problems with her waking right back up again?

[BeautifulMadness]

Maybe try half an hr later see how it goes then. I dont think ur starting too early for a set bedtime routine.

My son is 2 and it took us a good 3or 4 mth to get a good routine down.

paitence

[believer]

Hi Haydies,

My guess is that the laptop is too distracting. My ds is a terrible sleeper too and any distraction just makes it worse.
He just doesn't want to miss out on anything.
So maybe stay with her but make sure it is completely dark in the room?? And sing/have some music that might just have a relaxing effect on her.

Good luck!

[Ezz]

Hi Haydies,

My guess is that the laptop is too distracting. My ds is a terrible sleeper too and any distraction just makes it worse.

I was going to say exactly the same thing! The bright glow of the laptop is pretty interesting! We have music & a nightlight in DS's room. We lie on the floor next to DS's cot while he falls asleep - but we close our eyes so that we look asleep too! It usually takes about 20min-30min - we aim for 7:30 bedtime too.

[Haydies]

I'd forgotten about this thread, oops.

Night times are working well now! The laptop might have been a problem at the start, but it was done out of necessity. I can't just lie down and wait anymore, that's what was causing all the frustrations. This way I get my work stuff done, and DD gets to fall asleep with me beside her.

The 7:30 bedtime is every night now, and I watch her getting tired from as early as 6. She doesn't fight it at all anymore, and most nights is sound asleep within 10 minutes of hopping into bed.

If she stirs, it's 50/50 on if she goes straight back to sleep or is awake for a while. It's then that I am now sitting in the hall with the laptop and she's quite happy with that. She can't see the screen at all, but she can see me. No tears, no upsetness. She just drifts off anywhere from 15 minutes, to an hour or more later. Depending on the day.

An added bonus is that it's helping me to not 'nibble' at night time! I can't open a chocolate bar in the hall because that she will want to know about. So hopefully, I might even loose some weight!