40 minute naps - PLEASE HELP!!!

[belmarks]

My son is 5 months old and is still napping for 40 minutes. How can I get him to resettle after that initial sleep cycle? He sleeps through the night fine, but during the day, is absolutely horrible!

I have tried everything, rocking, patting, music, getting him up (but all he does is grizzle because he's still tired).

I have just been in there for about the 50th time today trying to resettle him and I can feel my blood boiling as Im patting him....

I have been putting up with this for 5 months and he is getting no better, does anyone have any solutions for a very frazzled mum?? I am not willing to do that controlled crying thing, that's why I am in here asking for anyone's advice...

PS - he has a dummy and he won't even resettle when I give that back to him and if I pick him up, he puts on the biggest performance and then I have absolutely no chance of getting him back to sleep - I just don't know what else to try...

Apparently they are supposed to be having 2-3 large day sleeps at this stage, he has about 6 or 7 small naps AAAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!! ](*,)

[BellyBelly]

Bel, how is he sleeping at night? Because often if they have bigger sleeps at night they will have less during the day and vise versa. Babies sleep cycles are shorter than adults, they have a different pattern of sleep and the cycles are only 40 mins long.

I would be interested to hear how he sleeps at night. If you add up all the sleep time into one, it probably adds up too. All babies are different and I think sometimes we can get so tired and desperate for sleep that we become really, really focused on getting them to sleep - I am guilty for that sometimes.

Can your partner / mother / friend etc take him out in the pram for a couple of hours so you can get some sleep or something like that? Have you considered some form of daycare so you can get on top of things? Having your own sanity / sleep time is definitely underrated! Don't feel bad - I always feel like a much better mummy and able to cope once I have had some extra space / sleep and I get all cuddly and mushy once they are back in my arms.

Hang in there chook!

[BellyBelly]

ps. Don't buy into the how many sleeps thing they are supposed to have - it's never 'one size fits all.' Who told you that? Hopefully not your MCHN!!

For example, Marisa stopped sleeping through the day at 11 months, I kid you not. She started sleeping through the night at 2-2.5 years and now you have to drag her out of bed which is a relief! However, Elijah will have 2 small naps during the day or one large one at lunch, but he wont sleep through the night at all - wakes and comes into our bed otherwise he wakes several times and I find it easier to bring him into our bed. So they are all different and they balance out the sleep during day and night.

[Angel]

Belinda, I so KWYM! Kynan has been napping for 45mins and then won't go back to sleep even though he's cranky and so tired that he's scratching at his face. Sometimes I have to rock him for an hour or so. Other times getting him up for about half an hour and giving him a feed helps (or just feeding him back to sleep straight away occasionally works). Luckily he is starting to get a little better.

I don't think I have anything to suggest that you probably haven't already tried. I can understand how frustrating it can be though to have a babe who's really tired but won't sleep!

[Antheia]

Bel, Lily was sleeping through the night since day 4 and now she will have 1 nap for about 1hr or sometimes not at all and she's only 11mths old. Feeding is another way to maybe get him to sleep, i know Lily always falls asleep while drinking her bottle.

[Melinda]

Belinda, have you tried the things listed in this thread Comforting Tools to Aid Restful Sleep?

I know it's really hard when they are having short sleeps during the day like that and they are still tired when they wake after that one sleep cycle. What time do you put him down for bed in the evening? How many hours does he normally sleep for overnight? Jacob wasn't going to bed for his big sleep until 9 pm at night and would sleep until around 6 - 7am (mind you he would wake frequently during the night) and would have 3 or 4 30 - 40 minute sleeps during the day. He was exhausted, the poor little mite. He was never getting enough sleep. What we did, was to bring forward his bedtime to 7pm and held him out a little during the day to try in an attempt to adjust his sleeping patterns so that he wasn't so exhausted and to try to encourage him to have a longer sleep when he did go down. Initially this meant some crankiness, as we kept him up for say another half an hour after he exhibited tired signs, but with doing that, he would go down and have a much better daytime sleep. It's amazing just how much happier he was, so that half an hour of crankiness whilst holding him out for a sleep, really worked for us. We were helped in this process mind you, in a Mother & Baby Unit. They didn't practice controlled crying which was a relief and practised these kinds of alternatives......

I have had to rock/pat Jacob at times for up to 45 minutes and whilst it's a killer, it does work for him.....and I've found that it doesn't take anywhere near that amount of time now, unless there's something else going on, e.g. he's unwell.

[BellyBelly]

I found that Marisa only would do the 45 minute thing no matter what I did I hope you can get some support or ideas from these posts above hon...

[belmarks]

thank you all so much for your responses.

Coby sleeps 12 hours overnight (I know you are all going "what is she worried about then???") but he goes down for about 40 minutes in the morning, then I fight with him all day to get him back to sleep for a little nap because he is tired and cranky and very grizzly.

I think that he is teething to be honest, I think that is upsetting him more than being tired, he's just grizzling all the time and I guess that I am thinking that he's probably tired, but I guess he's not.

Yes, my clinic sister gave me a "Tressillian" booklet on feed play sleep patterns for babies, and it says that they are supposed to have 2-3 big day sleeps but I don't really follow that anyway, as Tressillian believe in controlled crying etc, and there is no way we are doing that rubbish.

I have tried all the things in the comforted sleep thread to soothe him to sleep, and it works when he's ready to go down, but if he's not ready to sleep, he screams the house down.

I guess I've just got a little man who is too much of a sticky beak and doesn't want to miss anything....

Its worse if we are out, he won't sleep at all because there is WAY too much going on.

I am just going to have to go with whatever he is doing and just adapt...

Its just really hard when there are so many so called experts out there telling you what your baby should and should not be doing, I guess being my first, I tend to believe what they say (until I try it myself that is) and when it doesn't work, it can be a little distressing. I am not going to listen to these idiots anymore, Im just going to go along with whatever Coby wants to do!!

Thank you all again for all your advice, it has really boosted my confidence!!

[BellyBelly]

YAY! Good on you Bel, I had a feeling he might be sleeping more at night. Because he is getting so much at night, he's not going to need more during the day too - perhaps at the times he is showing tired signs, just do something quietly with him but not try and get him down to sleep so much - sure give it a try but if he doesn't want it, then trust your instincts and try something quietly - he may just end up falling asleep but even if he doesn't, know that he's getting enough sleep for his little body.

Don't feel bad about your baby being a good night sleeper - it is hard during the day without a break for you. Some people find their babies sleep well during the day and bad at night - either way can be a killer with sleep deprivation! His sleep will balance out soon enough so just remember when it gets really hard, 'this too will pass' and one day I am sure he'll sleep like a champ, and with confidence. There's plenty of research to support that too. Trust yourself, trust your baby and trust the connection you have with him.

[Fi]

It could just be a phase?? Jenna was a shocking 40min sleeper, and in the last month or so has slipped into these wonderful 90min sleeps. Ahhhh bliss!!
One thing I did read that has helped my sanity is maybe get the baby up after the 40mins, and let them play for 10-15 mins. Watch for the tired signs again (hard to miss this time... LOL) and then try to put them down again. This time I found I had to do a fair bit of rocking/patting, but she started to go down!!

When she woke up from the second 40min nap, she was the happy baby again. Just a suggestion - might not help, and might affect your night time sleeps, which just sound too lovely and I'm very jealous.

Walking in the pram with a daytime awake baby is good too - gets your mind off it!

Fi

[Lucy]

Bel,

Just more more thing that might work if he needs more sleep.......

Olivia was a shocking day sleeper for months. We used the Peacebaby CD to help her get in the mood for a sleep. When she was about 4 months old, her little CD player went on the blink so I bought her a new one. It had a few more functions and one day I must have pressed the repeat button by mistake.

I had the monitor on so I could hear her when she woke, and fully expected her to wake after 40 mins.

But the CD was on repeat, and she continued to sleep!

From that point on we had Peacebaby on repeat, and she started having beautiful 2 hour day sleeps......& always woke chatting rather than crying.

It amy have been coincidence, but this may help you?

[Melinda]

Yeah, it sounds like he's having a lovely long sleep over night which is great, so that may well be the reason why he doesn't want to sleep much during the day. I certainly wasn't thinking "what are you worried about then" because I know it's damn hard when you're not getting any break during the day and the little blighters are a bit grumpy from being tired!!

It's like Kelly said - sometimes you can try everything under the sun and still not get them to sleep any longer than that 40 minutes!! Also like Kelly said, even though it's hard when there's not much of a break for you, it is probably bound to pass and before you know it, he'll be having a lovely sleep for you during the day!!!

I think the others are right too, in that there is no 'right' thing that YOUR baby should be doing. Every baby is an individual and has unique needs and requirements!!! Trust what you're doing so far......and as hard as it can be some days (believe me, I know!) things do get better!

Teething and learning new things, i.e. reaching developmental milestones can definitely cause a few sleep disturbances too, so I'm sure that things will change in time like Kelly said!

Good luck Bel.......you're doing great! Well done.

[belmarks]

Thank you all so much for all your wonderful advice!! I knew I got on this website for a reason!!

Lucy - thank you for the advice re the CD - we already tried this (on repeat) and still use it. I find it a wonderful tool, I don't have to rock Coby to sleep anymore, he just goes down in his cot and goes straight off. I leave the CD on for him but he still wakes after 40 minutes.

Today though, he's been great, in fact he's asleep now (which in itself is a miracle because he NEVER sleeps in the afternoon). I am just going to go with the flow of whatever he wants to do, I can't make him sleep I suppose, but it just gets a bit much somedays so thank you all so much for letting me vent a little!!

[BellyBelly]

Anytime Bel It's amazing what they are capable of when mum is less stressed and surrenders into motherhood Mum too

[Melinda]

YAY! So glad you and Coby have had a great day!!!

[Sweetie]

I've had this problem and I went into respite to get help with sleeping problems. They said I was doing to much. Wrap, dummy, leave them, if they keep crying, do this again until they settle, after 40mins in your sleep cycle you start to wake, most people go back to sleep drifting into a deeper sleep, but some wake up. If you try too much to resettle bubs it wakes them up more. I find that most of the time if you leave them they will go back to sleep.

I hope you find a nice balance, good luck...

Mary 8-)

[BellyBelly]

Sweetie,

Just a reminder that this is a Gentle Parenting forum and you must read the gentle parenting forum guidelines here: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ic.php?t=15345 before posting.

Leaving a baby to cry it out or controlled crying is not classed as gentle parenting and if you would like to contribute non-gentle methods, you are more than welcome to do it in the general baby & toddler discussion.

[Krisvee]

I'm so glad this question was asked. I'm going through this right now! The difference being that a couple of weeks ago Louis was having big 2 hours sleeps through the day and now has gone back to 40min ones. At the same time his night time sleeping is starting to stretch out (last night he went 7 1.2 hours!!!)

I'm grateful to hear to just go with my baby - I guess I too have been reading/hearing what he's "meant" to be doing and trying to mould him to that when really I should just be listening to him.

I'm now hoping tomorrow will be a better day.....