New baby and toddler - please help!!!

[krisp]

Hi everyone,

This should be easy as I'm not a first timer but I'm at my wits end at the moment. We have a very active 20 month old little man and have just welcomed our DD Paisley into our home. The problem is this:

During the day I can't seem to get Paisley to go to sleep in anything under an hour to an hour and a half. This morning it was over 4 hours - she was awake from 6.30to almost 10.30. Needless to say she was exhausted, cranky and cluster feeding to try and soothe herself. I just can't leave my DS alone for so long while I'm trying to settle Paisley. I don't mind at night if she takes that long as Ewan is alseep from 7.30 so he's not left out. What do I do? This morning I had to let her cry in the end and she cried for 10 minutes before she fell asleep, it broke my heart but I just couldn't seem to do anything for her. I tried extra BF (difficult for me as I can only feed from one side due to breast cancer), I tried rocking, I tried getting her to sleep in her bouncer, in her cot, on her back, on her side, changed her about 6 times as she kept pooing, wrapped her, unwrapped her, put her in light clothing - nothing worked!!!

My DH works long hours so I need some advice on what to do.

Please help I'm desperate.....

[Willow]

Kris - I don't have any advice for you unfortunately because I'm living the exact same thing right now and I have no idea what to do!!

Our DD is a bit older than your toddler, she turns 3 in January but it's still sooooo hard. I just don't have the time or ability to spend hours settling DD to sleep because if I do then who's watching DD and spending time with her?

It's awful. I keep hoping every day will get easier but it hasn't really.

My DH does 10-12 hour days too so I feel like most of the time it's all up to me....talk about tired!!

[krisp]

We are only new to melbourne so have no family down here at all. My MIL is here from Scotland at the moment which has been absolutely wonderful but my DS still cries for his Mummy and it breaks my heart to hear him downstairs crying and calling "Mumma" as he knows I'm with Paisley. My MIL will be gone soon and other than allowing our DD to cry I can't seem to see any solution. We made the decision not to allow ou DS to cry himself to sleep and he didn't sleep through till he was 17 months old - eek!! He did however settle really quickly so maybe the craziness will settle down soon. I feel an overwhelming NEED to be with my son, I almost feel like I'm greiving for that special time we had together as I'm a SAHM by choice and now I feel like I've lost my son.

[MantaRay]

Big hugs Kris. I too know how you feel, Jack was 19 months when Tom was born. And Tom was very colicy and took so much time. I can tell you it gets easier. For us it was the magic 12 week mark, but it could be earlier for you. So while it seems like forever now, please keep in mind that this stage isn't going to go on for very long. I think knowing that can really help. I was picturing life being that way for a couple of years, but really, after the initial very nb stage passes things change a lot. It's still busy, but way more manageable.

IN the meantime, I agree with the idea of a sling. I couldn't have survived without one. Also I totally abandoned the routine Jack and I used to have and just went with the flow for a while. So if Tom was really unsettled I would bath him, and if I needed to do something with Jack at the same time he could have a bath too (Jack in the big bath and Tom in the baby bath in the bathroom, or all three of us in the big bath). Or I could take the boys for a walk - Tom in the pram or sling, Jack walking and/or pram. Usually that would put Tom to sleep and also be enough to wear Jack out so he would sleep when we got back. I guess if you can afford petrol there's always the option of a drive too. Just do what you can to get by. People worry about forming bad habits. My experience was that no such thing happened. Once the colic stage passed, Tom was able to put himself to sleep in his cot with no problems. Best of luck with it hun and I hope it passes soon for you.

[MantaRay]

Kris, re your last post, that too shall pass! You will reconnect with your son very quickly once these intense weeks are over.

[~Amy~]

Oh Kris, i feel ur pain (((hugs))). Mya was around 20months old when Bodhi was born. It was very hard for me. Bodhi wanted to feed all the time but we had issues with him attatching properly,so it always took sooo long to feed him. Poor little Mya would cry for attention & would even kick Bodhi when he was in his rocker & thought i wasnt looking. Bodhi also wouldnt sleep for any longer than 30mins which made things harder.
Im sorry that i cant offer any real advice. All i can say, is that it really does get easier. I think Caros advice with a HAB or something of nature might be a real help & may also help paisley sleep.

Anyway, good luck

[Hoody]

Kris i know others have said it but you are not alone. My DD1 is 20 months too and DD2 is 18days old. I am struggling too and have been in tears most days over silly things. My DD1 seemed to be coping very well the 1st week but the last few days have been a nightmare, i think cos DH went back to work. I too feel guilty and dont want to lose her (i feel like i am) All she wants is my attention and i jsut want to give it to her but am finding it very hard juggling my time between a nb and her. I have a sling but DD2 will not settle in it and just wants to be held and cuddled which is upsetting to DD1. I have no advice but a big just so you know i hear you. I hope in the coming weeks like others have said it will become easier.

[MantaRay]

Big hugs to all of you going through this. It was 14 months ago for us and I do still remember how hard it was. Please rest assured that your older DS/DD will adjust. It doesn't take much at that age to throw them off kilter - Jack can act up if DH increases his work hours for a couple of weeks. But it soon passes. Jack didn't get much of my time for a few weeks, but he has totally forgotten now. He loves his brother and no harm was done. Just spend what time you can with the toddler and be aware that the amount of time you have to spend with them will increase soon. They are resilient little things!

[Willow]

Awww, Krisp, Hoody, maybe we should form a little support group!! I am a few weeks ahead of you girls but there are still lots of tears, let me tell you. I went through a REALLY bad week of guilt over DD, I would cry constantly and when DH asked me what was wrong I'd tell him that I missed her so badly. He didn't really understand, it's hard for them to I guess.

One bit of advice I will offer though is to make sure you try to get out of the house at least every few days. Even if it's to go to the shops to get some milk, with or without the kids. Somehow it makes me feel more human again.

MantaRay - I think of your experience with your boys often after you posted in my thread a few weeks ago. You give me hope that things won't be this way forever, even though it feels like they will now! You are so right when you say that people worry about forming bad habits, that is ALWAYS in the back of my mind and adds to my stress.

I just want DS to be happy and content and then I'll be happy and content but it's hard when we're always both so tired.

[Jayney]

You will survive!

It doesn't seem like it but it will be all okay in the end. Mine were 20 months apart and I just about lost it so many times. #2 never seemed to sleep and #1 always needed me. DH was pretty much never home.

I was told to try a swing. I wish I had tried one long before I did. She slept for 5 hours straight the first time I put her in!!! #1 watched lots of TV in those days. You just do what you need to to get through. I hired a sitter so she could watch the kids so I could clean the house.

Now things are great! They play so well together. They are the best of friends.