'Feed to sleep' babies and day care??

[Panda74]

Regarding the unfamiliar surroundings, I'm prepared for orientation to FDC to be a slow, painful process! I can only be pleasantly surprised then!

[Jaycee]

Hi Panda,
I too had these concerns when returning to work but everything worked out fine. DS still feeds to sleep when with me, but has found a different routine with my mum, who looks after him while I'm at work. I guess I was lucky that mum is patient and worked out a routine that suits them, she'll tell him it's leap leap time (sleep time) and then take him down to his cot, pop him in and pat his back for a few minutes til he drifts off. Maybe you can speak to your fdc to see what kind of routine they may have for him?
Hope it all works out, I'm sure it will!

[skeetaboat]

My DS fed to sleep for nearly 2 years but would always go to sleep for others (including @ FDC) no problems. They will work out their own routine together. For now it'd be good to try to get him used to falling asleep without you sometimes - maybe you could go out and leave dad to it, or let him be babysat by another family member?

Your bubs might be different but generally older babies who are exclusively breastfed don't take well to bottles, just a heads up. It usually goes more successfully if you're out of the house altogether. Sometimes a sippy cup works better.

How long will you be at work? Does he have many feeds in that time? If so, it's probably a good idea to try to replace those feeds with solids and water so that he doesn't hanker for them while you're away. You'll probably find that he does a reverse cycle and feeds like crazy when you're home from work, but the fewer feeds he 'misses' from you while at FDC, the easier the adjustment will be for him in the beginning.

Don't stress too much, bubs will adjust to the new routine. Meanwhile you've got a couple of months to implement a few things so the new routine isn't a complete shock to the system. It's great that your partner will be home with him for a few weeks before FDC starts - that will help him transition too.

[Panda74]

So it can be done thanks Guys!

I've just had people (family) in my ear saying unhelpful things like 'well, he's gotta get used to it' and 'there's gonna have to be some tears' instead of offering me suggestions on how to ease DS into the new situation.

I'll be gone 7am to 4pm so he'll probably be missing two big feeds but I'd say he'll only notice because he needs them to sleep! He's just too busy these days to slow down for boob anyway. I am trying now to encourage water from his sippy cup and he's getting the hang of it I think. Solids..are slow going right now, too much milk!

I suspect you're right about the bottle.. He's had a play with one before and gave it a bit of a chew..

[Janie]

Oh hun, I REALLY sympathise. I don't think I was too worried about our situation until everyone else freaked me out. I will confess that some people got me so stressed about it, I tried cc (extremely unsuccessfully, and I still feel terrible about it) for a bit, before realising that our DS is just the way he is, and that making him cry to go to sleep was terrible for everyone. As I said, I still feel guilt over that time, but mostly because I let myself feel pushed into that situation by other people. I wasn't trying new methods because it was what I thought was best for my DS, it because other people told me I needed to . Of course, I could have, and should have ignored them, as I have since learnt to do .

Yes, it definitely CAN be done! I'm sure things will go much more smoothly than you're expecting. But it's okay to feel anxious about it all, it's a big change for you both, and it might take a little bit of time to settle into the swing of things. Lots of us have BTDT, and know how stressful it can be. But it sounds as though you're doing all the right things to make the transition as smooth as possible for your baby good for you!

[aimz78]

Hi and welcome to BB!
Just wondering if it might be helpful to introduce other sleep associations which may help the transition, such as a "lovey" or even just certain words like "time for sleep" or any other sleep cues which you can introduce now so that when he goes to daycare he will have other sleep associations instead of boobie to make it a bit easier? sorry i dont have experience with daycare but my DD is an avid feed to sleeper and i have always wondered how she would cope. I also agree with others that they often cope better than we think when we are not around. Best of luck and i hope the transition into daycare goes smoothly for you both

[Panda74]

I am thinking that too. I've just started saying 'sleep time' as I move him into the cot and he has always had a dark room and lullabies. I am his lovey at the moment but will keep offering his other soft toys. I will definitely let you know how we go as DS is the boobiest baby ever, if he can get to sleep without it anybaby can!

[skeetaboat]

I'll be gone 7am to 4pm so he'll probably be missing two big feeds but I'd say he'll only notice because he needs them to sleep! He's just too busy these days to slow down for boob anyway. I am trying now to encourage water from his sippy cup and he's getting the hang of it I think. Solids..are slow going right now, too much milk!

I think you'll find that not being able to have those feeds will be more upsetting to him than getting to sleep. I used to leave my DS with my mum for study between about 7 and 9 months and was gone around 5 hours. He would 'sort of' take a bottle of EBM. In the beginning my LO would get to the point where he just *needed* a breastfeed. I'm pretty sure he adjusted in time but I also remember my DH having him sometimes when I had night classes (gone 5 hours again) and being exasperated by the time I got home. I wish I could remember more clearly how it went, what age he was and when it stopped

Anyway, my point is, I think it'll be worthwhile trying to cut down those feeds or replace them with a bottle/sippy cup so he gets used to breastfeeding on the 'new' routine. I know my DS was a bit younger at the time than your LO will be, but I think it will help. Having said that, don't stress and feel like you have to completely eliminate those feeds within 2 months or else it's not going to work. If he's not enjoying solids yet it might take some time to convince him to drop the feeds, and you don't want to rush him because he's still young and it's not uncommon for 8 month olds to still be on 90% BM/Formula.

Also, when his dad has him in those first few weeks, it'll be at home, right? Because he'll be at home in his own environment, he'll be expecting his usual routine and will probably be more upset with DH than he would be in daycare, where he wont have expectations. Just wanted to throw that in so you don't stress out if the first couple of days he's with DH are hard.

Hope this post isn't too negative.. I just don't want you to feel like it's going to go perfectly fine because then if/when DH has some difficulty you think 'oh god I can't work, all those women on BB said it was fine for their babies but mine just isn't coping'. Just want you to know that intially he might be a little bit upset, but he will adjust quite quickly, particularly if you prepare him. And you never know, your bubs might be perfectly fine with the changes and not bat an eyelid.

[Janie]

Actually, many mums find that they can still breastfeed their LOs when they are with them, and the baby is fine when mum is away from them.

I don't want to discount your experience skeetaboat, as obviously that's how you found things went for your DS. But I wouldn't be recommending that a mum try to cut down feeds, simply because 3 days out of 7 she won't be there to offer them. In fact some babies cope better when offered more breastfeeds while mum is around.

Panda, you do need to do what you think will work best for you, and if that's reducing feeds, then fine. But if you think that will work against you, then don't worry about it. Plenty of us have still offered those daytime feeds whilst with our baby, and our babies have been fine the times we are not with them. Yep, you might find that he is very keen for a big feed when you get home, but that's okay! It's a lovely way to reconnect after being apart for hours .

[Panda74]

No, not too negative skeetaboat! I need to know! You could be right, DS had a couple of sucks on a bottle last night with DH and then a BIG drink on the boob, poor Dad. I'm definitely going to do some trial runs away for a few hours so we can see how DS and DH get on. I hope you're right Janie, the LAST thing I feel like doing right now is dropping feeds, I feel bad enough as it is.. You know I naively thought that we'd be done with breastfeeding by 9 months! I had no clue! Now I have all these things to consider e.g do I express at work? Not looking forward to THAT talk with my boss.. One thing at a time though and I still have 6 weeks (and lotto tickets).

Panda

[skeetaboat]

Janie.. I agree & thanks for pointing that out. Definitely just do whatever works for you.. every baby is different.. that was just my experience. My DS was a mega boobie monster which is probably why he didn't cope too well.

Also apologies to Panda - I thought you were returning to full time work rather than part time.. so the need to get him adjusted isn't as great. Just to clarify, I meant to recommend getting bubs used to taking those feeds from a bottle or sippy cup rather than cutting them out.. at 8 months he still needs plenty of boobie juice!

Good to hear that some bubs don't miss their feeds at all when mum returns to work Janie.. I didn't realise that could happen.. I hope you've got one of those Panda (hopefully my DS2 will be one of those too!!)

[cjsmum77]

Panda74, I am soooooo relieved reading your post I have the same problem. My daughter is 9 month and she won't nap without boob. She'll need to go to daycare at 1 year old and I've been worried that she won't be able to have any naps without me. Worse, she won't take bottle (I've tried!).
I am sooo glad I am not the only one who feed my bub to sleep , I've been feeling like such a bad mum.