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Thread: Feel like I am doing everything wrong

  1. #1

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    Default Feel like I am doing everything wrong

    Ok not sure if this is where I should post this.....

    Lucie has always been the world's hardest baby to feed. I have got in the habit (well it was the only thing that was working) of feeding her to sleep, she then finishes the feed while she is actually sleeping. She screams blue murder if you try and feed her at any other time. So basically I know she is now reliant on the bottle to fall asleep. How do I stop this? She is 9 months old now and we have #2 arriving in September. Should I cave in and start doing controlled crying, or is she too old for that now? I have always been pretty against it, and have no idea how she will take a bottle if I don't feed her to sleep. I just feel like I am doing everything 'wrong'.


  2. #2

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    We still let Matilda have the bottle to help fall asleep. I go in the room with her and give her the bottle (if I leave she falls asleep with it) I usually wait until she finishes the bottle & then leave the room.

    We made a decision after trying heaps of different methods and that was, she's comforted to sleep and most nights falls asleep easily now (we have had major sleep issues with Matilda not liking sleep) and that is the most important thing. We tried controlled crying & honestly its the most stressful thing anyone in our house has ever been through & rejected after working at it for a while.

    I'm not sure how you stop it. All I know is that we have decided not too. We decided that there will come a time when Matilda won't have the bottle at night to sleep but we aren't going to push it. I think when number 2 comes around they may need the bottles just for the extra comfort. I know she won't be taking bottles to school with her...

    ETA... YOU are not doing everything wrong!!! It is said that breastfeeding until 2 years old is the best thing for babies, so because our babies are bottle fed doesn't mean that they shouldn't have a bottle until 2 either. I think the best parenting thing you can do is give comfort to your child!

  3. #3

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    I didn't feed to sleep, but my daughter had a bottle until she was 5 (stopped at christmas just before she started school)! Nothing wrong with it! She is fine, teeth are fine etc! We had trouble with her sleeping until she was 8 months when we went to a sleep school. Easier ot do the sleeping thing with people around. It was such a relief!!
    good luck and really I don't think any of us reallly know what we're doing, we're just lucky we have bb to bounce ideas off!!
    xoxo

  4. #4

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    Aidyn fed himself to sleep a lot of the time up until he was 1... he still takes a bottle to bed at nighttime now (and he is now two!) Sometimes I WISH he would still feed himself to sleep, but unfortunately for us it just doesnt work anymore - by his choice!

    So if I were you I wouldnt stress too much, as I think its something Lucie is likely to grow out of. And if its working... well then why change it. It sounds like its the best way to get her to drink her bottle, as well as to get her to sleep, and it would probably be fairly traumatic on all of you to start controlled crying... but anyway, that is just my opinion, but to me it doesnt sound like you are doing everything wrong... different things work for different babies, and it sounds like Lucie is really happy with the routine she's in atm.

  5. #5

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    Oh thank you so much for your replies. It is such a relief to hear that there are so many others out there who have done the same thing. I actually have tears in my eyes - obviously highly emotional atm! Would love to hear of anyone else in teh same boat too. I guess there are just so many opinions on what to do, that it is easy to deel like you are doing everything wrong. And I really hate the idea of doing controlled crying too, so I really think I will put that idea way out of my mind.

  6. #6
    Melinda Guest

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    Oh Soph, you're not doing anything wrong! Not at all! Lucie is still a little baby and she may want a bottle for some time yet. If it provides comfort and relaxes her and helps with her sleep, then I say stick with that - it sounds like it works well for you all!

    FWIW, Jacob still has a bottle at night time before bed. He doesn't take it to bed, rather we sit with him in his room in the dark and we give it to him, and then he gets put into his cot. I can see that Jacob may want to continue with this for some time. Unfortunately it's not helping with his sleep these days, but he likes that routine IYKWIM?

  7. #7

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    Soph, you're not doing anything wrong, on the contrary, you're letting your daughter go to sleep in the way she chooses to which is a kind and comforting option rather than traumatising her and yourself with controlled crying.
    My SIL tried control crying and she had an awful time. Eventually she gave up on it and tried co-sleeping instead. Now she's better rested and far more relaxed and happy than in the CC days. having seen close up how traumatic CC can be for all involved I would think that the best thing you could do is to forget about it.
    Yasin went from boob to bottle at 11 months and now he's 19 months he still has his bottle before bed while we read him his story. Its one of my favorite times of the day and when he decides that he's too big for his evening cuddles I'm really going to miss them.
    We only have a 17 month gap between our babies and I think that having the comfort of a bit of quiet time alone with me or DH every night before bed has helped Yasin adjust to being a big brother. Although alot has changed around here bedtime has stayed the same and however fussy Imran is Yasin still has that bit of time every evening where he is alone with one of us for a bit of baby free/center of attention time.

  8. #8

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    Awww Soph you are so not doing anything wrong. Sammy falls asleep at the breast every time..theres never been a time that he goes to sleep withouth being fed first. You are a wonderful mummy doing all the right things.

    Jo

  9. #9
    angelfish Guest

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    I agree with most of what has been said. If bottlefeeding her to sleep feels OK to you, why change it? Just one caution - don't leave the bottle in her mouth half the night, you don't want to make her into a candidate for bottle-mouth caries (you know, where all their front teeth fall out because of sleeping with milk or juice pooled behind them) As I understand it, all you need to do is sneak the bottle out once she has definitely finished drinking.

    Re controlled crying, it was originally designed for use on 18 month olds, and now the child mental health people are suggesting that you really shouldn't do it until 3 years if possible! So if you do decide that you really want to wean her from the sleepy bottle, you might like to consider other options such as substituting a comfort object, some music etc. rather than going cold turkey. She's still pretty young to be expected to put herself to sleep completely independently.

  10. #10

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    Mackenzie always fell asleep with her last feed for the night then as time went on and she had more solids and we dropped her bottles back we gave her a bottle earlier when she was still wide awake. When it came time for bed we would sit in a chair in her room and cuddle her until she went to sleep. This was great as it gave Dad some special time with his little girl each night. As time went on she always went down during the day without cuddling or a bottle but night time was different. Then once she was about 15 months she was happy to be put in her cot and we just sat in the chair until she drifted off and evenutally she understood sleep time was sleep time without any tears. She still woke up during the night with tears and I've mentioned a number of times on the forums how many probs we have had re-settling her. Now she is nearly 2 and is sleeping in a bed and jumps in right after she brushes her teeth everynight. We still have the odd night where we have to put her back in a few times before she drifts off but we get there in the end. At the end of the day it dosn't matter how you get your bubs off to sleep as long as they are loved, feed, dry and happy!

  11. #11
    Kirsty77 Guest

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    Aww Soph.I'm in the same boat.Gem falls asleep on the bottle and it really is messing with my head to.And the fact that she still takes 5 bottles a day which I'm to scared to cut one out!(argh the under eaters!)I've tried c/c and belive me like the others have said it causes more stress than ever.I hate it!!I got so distressed that Gem ended up co-sleeping with me sobbing!I'm now having the problem that Gem falls asleep then wakes up within the hour and cries for me.We just co-sleep now when she wakes....all 3(well 4 if you include bub in belly!) cosy in our squeeshy bed.I think as mothers we know whats best for our kids and you should just follow your heart.Your like me and worry to much about what others are doing .Must be first time mother syndrome!hehehe

  12. #12

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    I worry with Indah that she is fed too much milk, coz I booby feed in the morning (normally she wakes around 6-6:30) I feed her booby & she goes back to bed til 7:30, but at 9:30 she has a bottle of EBM 220ml & drains it, then around 2:30 3ish she has another bottle of EBM 220ml again, then I get home from work at 5ish & she wants to comfort suck & I allow her coz I have been away from her all day, then she has EBM another 220ml at about 7:30 before going to bed!!! Today she woke at 3:30am & I tried resettling but no chance so i fed her & then at 6:30 she woke again & I fed her other booby... So it'sll be 5 feeds today & a comfort suck after I get home from work, it's not really a feed more just a cuddle with mum & she'll suck but pull of look around suck again & then be ready to play...

    I do what i do to make her happy, comfy & so I can do what I need to keep the house running, get sleep etc, etc!! Might be right, might be wrong... Just dont tell anyone else other than BB coz they will judge & on BB they wont!!

    Soph, Lucie is happy, contented, & your doing a marvellous job...

  13. #13
    Fire Fly Guest

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    Dont beat yourself up, and dont think you are doing anything wrong as there is no rule book when it comes to parenting.
    Listening to other mums in the same situation is reassurance that you are doing whats best for your family. I agree with Jullian about babies suckling. Its there way of keeping calm and happy. I think the more you try to enforce something the more they rebel.

  14. #14

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    I say if you've got something working, stick to it. You're not doing anything wrong at all. Our son still feeds to sleep and he is 15 months.

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