Feeling like a bad mum for NOT letting my baby cry...

[Haydies]

So many posts have already expressed my exact feelings. For me personally, I think controlled crying is cruel to a new baby (or really, any age child). Apart from the fact I just couldn't sit there and listen to my daughter crying for me and not go to her, from all the reading I have been doing recently, it's not healthy for them and can potentially have serious long term effects.

I've always wondered why everything in pregnancy and mothering is a competition with so many people. Who had the least amount of pregnancy symptoms. Who had the shortest labour, or who had the longest therefor making them better. Who did it drug free etc. And now I'm finding it things like how far apart their feeds are (I copped it from SIL because DD isn't 3 hours apart and moving to 4 hours at just 5 weeks), do they sleep through the night, how they handle bath time etc.

I remember reading a while ago that the "should" people - the ones that say what you and/or your baby should or shouldn't be doing, are like that because they need justification that they did the right thing. If they didn't cuddle their babies to sleep, then no one should because that means they did the right thing.

DD doesn't go down at the moment till around midnight, no 7pm bedtime here. I also can't comment if DD "sleeps through" yet, we co-sleep and she either sleeps through (from midnight till 6am) or we've just gotten damn good at the night feeds I don't even wake haha. I've gotten heaps of comments that she "should" be going to bed at 7pm at night, and the tsk tsk look when I say she doesn't. But I just love the look on their face when I tell them she'll let me sleep in till 11am - Midday if I want. Yesterday we changed a nappy at 6am, went back to bed and I rolled over at 11:30am because she wanted to feed... that shuts them up quick smart.

Big hugs Lee, you're doing a fantastic job!

Bringing up babies in the 70's 60's with this sort of approach meant that people would call her a Hippie, I guess now we are called softies.

I've actually wondered a few times if I'd be considered a Hippie because I co-sleep...

[StrawberryMumma]

Thanks Haydies!

You are so right with the mothering-competition thing. That's exactly what I get from a lot of mothers. Crazy isn't it. All that results from that kind of attitude are feelings of guilt and inadaquecy (sp?? sorry can't think today!)..and I do believe that some mothers get a kick out of that.

Like as mothers we need any more pressure from anybody else on top of what we already feel.

Go you hippee mummies!!! hahahaha

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Haydies, I hear ya on the sleeping through a feed thing. DS started off sleeping next to the bed, coming in for a feed and staying there after that (he went to bed then we could clean teeth etc, then he started having a 9pm bedtime, 8.30, 8pm now 7.30 as his day naps became shorter and he needed more night sleep). Quite often I would wake up with DS in bed with me and no idea how he got there.

I tell the "shoulda" people that gosh, I can't do that! That's just so mean and cruel to babies. Who would do that? Ha, shuts them up; I'm not validating their parenting when they're trying to undermine mine.

[Melly01]

After being at university over the last year, and meeting a lot of mothers who are doing similar courses to me, I have always had the same response to my parenting styles.. "You're spoiling him!" "you're making a rod for your own back!" "He's never going to be able to sleep in his own bed without a fight."

Well, I proved them wrong. Logan has been co sleeping with me since he was very young.. He had a few months where he wanted to sleep in his own cot, but for the most part he would get so upset if he wasn't sleeping with me. After we got back from a trip to visit his dad & that side of the family a few weeks ago, he was helping me clean up his room, then he had dinner, a bath, and put himself to bed in his toddler bed! He took a book for me to read to him, and a tractor which he just drove over his lap while i read the book. Then he took the book was "reading" it to himself, I left the room to check on something and when I came back 5 minutes later he was fast asleep. That is how it has basically been since, some nights we have nights where he wants a cuddle on the sofa until he falls asleep. But then I carry him to his bed, he wakes up as I put him in , he says "bye Mummy" and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. He knows if he wakes up in the middle of the night he can come into my bed. My new bf is happy for him to come into my bed if he needs to when bf is staying (which is only 1 night a week anyway). Even ex wasn't happy having Logan in our bed with us, and Logan is his son..

I am so happy with how I handled everything. I must admit I do miss him in my bed, but I do enjoy having my room to myself some nights, and it's a wonderful feeling waking up to Logan climbing in to my bed saying "Mummy, cuddles..". I am so proud of Logan, all I ever wanted was for him to do it on his own terms and he has, he chose when he would start using his toddler bed and I think that has made all the difference.

I just wanted to say all of this because I used to feel like a bad mother for not letting him cry.. Like, if so many people I know go on & on about how good CC is (which personally I disagree with that, I say to them "Why would I want to make him cry when I know exactly what is wrong and what will fix it?") and I could never do it, maybe there was something wrong with me.. But I just think they have their ideas and I have mine, if I compromise myself and go against what Logan wants, then how happy will I be with the result? Even if I had done CC and gotten the result I wanted, would I feel unhappy because of what I had to do to get it?

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh Melinda sounds like you have done such a great job and have a beautiful young man to prove it! He sounds just gorgeous! Thanks for sharing.