Okay so DS is now 7.5months old and he is a mummy's boy, when he is grumpy and tired he wants his mum and no one else. Previously as long as some one was cuddling him before bed he would go in to his cot and self settle quite qell, occasionally i still had to rock him or pat him off to sleep but mostly he would happily self settle. BUT now he only want me and SCREAMS if its not me, he slept over at my mums on Sat nite and after trying everything they had to let him cry to sleep because he didn't want to be held, (not something i would have done but i wasn't there and it was their last resort) On Sunday night he was quite unsettled i had been up 3 or 4 times and when he woke at 4.30am i asked DH to get up, he tried to settle him with no luck and then came in to bed and said thats it! he can cry for a bit its just temper. not wanting to undermine DH i went along but told him the had to get up every 10mins and resettle him so he knew he wasn't alone etc. after 30min DH gave up and brought him into our bed but it took me until about 6am to get him settled enough to go to sleep i had BF him to settle and he hasnt has a night feed for some weeks now.
LAst night DH said to try letting him cry when we put him to bed as he started crying again but i cant bear listening to him cry i get so upset! I am returning to wok parttime at the end of January and really want his sleep routine to settle before then, please give me some suggestions, other than walking the house or rockiing him in my arms until he is asleep.
Are you able to (or be ok with) having him in your room with you and DH? i.e a porta cot or osmething?
As the PP said, he is at the stage where he has realised you and him are SEPERATE being's and that he is able to be seperated from you, and he is just reacting..... you are right in not being able to listen to him cry, you know your son better than anyone else, including DH sadly... just how it is. Follow your insticnts, give him what he needs right now.... atm it may be to just know you and daddy are close.
Although not ideal, both our kids sleep in our room, in their own beds, but in our room. I know its just a stage, and they will grow through it..... so we are just flowing with it.
I am sorry if it isnt much help, but best i can offer as i have very clingy sleepers too and this is the best way we got to a middle ground with the kids where they would sleep, meaning we got sleep...
It's possible its the 'clingy' stage... usually hits between 6-9 months
Sucks, but I have no advice for you, I just let them sleep with me when they wanted
I guess my concern is not so much when i'm around but more when im not, there is no way i will cope leaving him if I know he's going to cry and get so upset? Some people have told me to leave him more often leading up to when i return to to work but i want to treasure that time! oh its all so hard!
I believe it needs to be done in stages if you want DH to do more of the daily task's to increase their bond. Start with the bathing before bed, and a book/bottle.... maybe both of you do bed for a bit, and you go out for a minute, come in... go out.. come in... do it in stages??!! while DH is in with him the whole time.. make sense???
He isnt going to just instantly take to DH doing something if you have been the only one to do it...
But its worth a go if its what you want. One thing you will learn is all you can do is TRY TRY TRY, try anything you think would work for you, give it a go and then see if it works for him.
Thanks Missymoomoo, I usually bath him straight after his tea which is usually before DH gets home and he is still BF but i might try the cuddle and book with Dad and us both putting him to bed.
Thanks everyone else as well
All advice is welcomed, i feel so silly cos I am a Childcare worker and know about the clingy stage and that it is developmentally normal but its hard when its your own bub!
Kimmy - Yep it's def a stage they go through and I've always found with my kids if you go with it, keep them with you they get over it a lot quicker. DD will always wake more and feed more on the days I work, It's just her way of reassuring herself that I'm still there. I wouldn't force the DH issue. if he's anything like mine he is not going to appreciate 'having' to settle a cranky baby who only wants mum. I would recommend getting him to do the fun things more, bath time, dinner time etc, while you are still there popping in and out reassuring and building confidence. Peek-a-boo is a great game for this time also, anything that helps them build the concept that you will come back when they call.
I'm having the same concerns with DD#2. She is a little clinging limpet and screams the place down when anyone else holds her, and stops the second I take her.
I think MMM's advice is brilliant. DH and I bath both the girls together and try to alternate who baths who.
As for getting him to settle in his own room, I cuddled both my DDs to sleep for months (still do with DD#2). When DD#1 hit 10 months (and I was 7 months pregnant) I decided enough was enough and I couldn't cuddle two babies to sleep. I started by cuddling her to sleep in her room (I had previously done this watching tv or something). I then decreased the cuddle so she was really relaxed but still awake, then would put her in her cot. I would immediately sit on the floor with both my arms through the cot rails and on her body so she still felt me almost completely covering her body. Gradually withdrew weight of arms, length of time etc. For the first couple of weeks I didn't leave until she was asleep (and it could still take close to an hour!) but then all of a sudden she just seemed to "get it" so I started moving out of the room, leaving while she was awake. If she got distressed at any time I would pick her up and settle her down. Depending on how she was, we would either start the routine again, or just cuddle her to sleep and try again the next time.
Also, try to have a really consistent bed time routine - for night and day sleeps. I take DD#1 into her room, change her nappy, close the windows saying "Bye bye Mr Sun. Come back when Izzy's had a nap". Then tell her its time for bed, tell her I love her, give her a kiss, tuck her in and walk out. I think it also helps when you're trying to make the transition to always put them to bed in their pyjamas, sleeping bag, whatever - so they have as many prompts as possible that hey, its time for bed.
Good luck. I know how you feel - I have two weddings at the end of January/February and I'm dreading DD#2 not self settling by then. I'm about to start this routine with her too. Its exhausting when they only want their Mummy.
It's breaking my heart HELP!
and this is the best way we got to a middle ground with the kids where they would sleep, meaning we got sleep...
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