Help - I don't want to do 'controlled crying'

[lovelycate]

Hi.

my gorgeous boy is 4.5 months old. It took me ages to work out his sleep cues and then his general sleep routine. He's never been one to sleep quite as much as he apparently 'should' - tends to have only 45 mins at a time during the day, but that's ok. He used to be quite good at going to sleep - could put him down and he might grizzle a bit, then just turn his head to the side and go to sleep. Then it started getting a bit harder and I started to rock him until he was either asleep or right on the edge and then put him down, and that was working fine.

A few weeks ago he gave some beautiful big night-time sleeps - ten hours!!! - but now he's back to waking every 3-4 hours for a feed. He self- settles quite well during the night, although if he wakes up after 4am often won't go back to sleep...

Anyhow, the big problem now is getting him to sleep during the day, and down for the evening. As soon as I put him in his cot he starts yelling. I pick him up and rock him until he quiets, but as soon as he feels my weight shift to put him down he's yelling and screaming again. He's also started waking about 5 minutes into a sleep looking absolutely terrified and screaming.

I rang the MCHN help line yesterday and was advised to 'let him cry'. I can't do that. I'm ok with letting him grizzle to himself, but not when he's distressed and upset. So what can I do? I know that he *can* put himself to sleep and do it calmly, cos he's done it before. I can't keep going this way tho - sometimes just to ensure he actually gets some sleep during the day I end up with him on my lap. And he's getting bigger quickly - I'm not going to be able to keep up the rocking for much longer

Sorry, this is a bit garbled - I'm tired and it's all a bit stressful.

I hope somebody has some suggestions!

Cheers,
Catherine

oh, and I'm 99% sure he's not sick - when he's awake, he's happy - gurgling and laughing. Not rubbing his ears, drooling a lot but can't see any other signs of teeth.

90% formula fed with BF 'top up' / comfort (long story, suffice to say not what I would have chosen, but that's the hand we were dealt)

[ss_storm]

Hayley has started doing the same thing...cries as soon as I put her down even though she is tired. We do use a dummy, but only at sleep time, I think it's becoming a bit of a safety blanket for her and gets her to go to sleep (I think it's the sucking action), I don't want her to get too dependant, but at the same time I'm using the mantra "whatever works"!

Once she is in her cot I tuck her in, pop in her dummy and if she starts crying I'll pat her back, as she has started to roll onto her side to go to sleep and kind of scruffle her face into the mattress. Looks quite cute. Lol. if she gets really distressed then I'll pick her up and when she has stopped crying put her back down, although usually as soon as I pick her up she is bright eyed and chatting away again! She sometimes seems to go to sleep, then will be 'awake' and crying in 5 minutes or so, like she has given herself a fright. I used to be able to stick her dummy back in and she would go off to sleep with no troubles, but now I have to go through the whole re-settling routine again.

Will he settle if you stand there patting the side of his tummy/bottom? I dont know if it does much good but I also make "shhhh" noises while I'm patting her. She used to be such a good self settler, I'd put her down and she would go to sleep pretty much straight away, now it can take 10-15 mins to get her to sleep, unless I give up and take her out to the lounge room for a bit and try again in 15-20 minutes.

We've also started having early mornings...4.30 this morning! Gave her a feed but she didn't go back to sleep until nearly 6am, and then was awake again at 6.50!

Sorry I probably wasn't much help, I just hope it is a phase they are going through and will be back to their old selves in no time! Might be something to do with starting teething??

[beckoes]

DD would self settle for a time aswell, but it got harder and harder, now she doesnt self settle atall, i BF her to sleep and when she wakes in the night she comes in with us. I guess if i had gone about it in a different way i could have got her selfe settling again, but i am happy with it this way...might be different if i had #2!!! So...not much help either,sorry...but im sure there are ways to solve it with out CIO! hopefully you will find that magic thing to solve it....till then, big hugs

[kelebek]

At about 4 mnths they tend to go through some major developmental phases and this can cause problems with sleep. My DS does not a 'normal' sleeper and I always found it hard to read his cues.

I am a big believer in do what works for you, so if that is patting them or shhhing them to sleep or rocking them so be it.

[melskys]

DS was exactly the same ever since he was born and up until he was about 5 months, id give him a feed and he'd fall asleep on the boob or bottle, as soon as i put him down into his cradle he'd wake up and start whingeing... to tell you the truth, i dont think there is a right or wrong way to start sleep patterns... DS would only sleep for 30-45min at a time at one stage... i used to stay up until midnight because i knew he'd wake up a couple of times from his bedtime onwards, and then i'd get a 3 hour sleep before he'd wake up around 3am... and then again at 6 and so on DS even fell asleep on my chest most nights when he was a newborn because there was no other way either of us would get any sleep... but slowly but surely we worked out a routine for him, (no effort involved on my behalf, exept the hours of lost sleep from midnight feeds) he now has his dummy & blanky, sleeps 10-12 hours a night and another 2-4 during the day, and a bottle before bed, sometimes he still wakes up in the middle of the night demanding a bottle but thats ok

people kept telling me to get him into a routine before he was 6 months because apparently it ruins their sleeping patterns for the entire childhood... my theory.. just wing it... it all works out in the end.. and the time will fly by and you won't even remember all those sleepless nights.

i remember the first time DS slept all night, i mean the whole 10 hours! it was awesome! then he woke up three times the next night...
i hope this little ramble helped.

cheers

[sloane]

cate, no real suggestions from me but wanted to offer a big because we're going through a similar thing here.

i can't bring myself to do controlled crying & i am working on the basis that what melskys says is true - things will work themselves out in their own time. in the meantime, i am doing whatever i need to & this seems to change as we go along as well (i.e. day sleeps in the pram one week, next week being held, rocking to sleep one week, feeding to sleep the next etc!)