How do you socialise at night when you rock/feed to sleep?

[attc]

Hi all,

DS is fed/rocked to sleep each night after a 30 min wind down period in his room . I am the only one that has ever put him to bed (even DH has never put him to bed).

This makes it very difficult for me to attend any evening social events - eg I've had to miss portions of wedding receptions etc to go home and put him to sleep and other times I've just decided to miss dinners etc as its all too difficult with DS's sleeping....

Its even a bit awkward at times to have people at our house as I need to 'disappear' for 30-40mins (or more) to go put DS to bed. I'm always very self conscience of this and am paranoid that people are judging me (thinking I'm a big softy etc - as I know my mother does).

I'm just wondering how other 'comforted sleeping' advocate parents get out and about at night? Is it possible???

[MrsFabuloso]

Honestly, I don't go. The only thing I do go to is work things like staff meetings because I have to attend them. DH has managed to get DS to sleep a few times recently while I have been at a staff meeting, but before a few months ago, he wouldn't sleep even for DH. He would stay awake until I got home and put him to bed. Which is ok if it's just a staff meeting because I am usually home no later than 9pm (his be time is 7pm). So not too much of a big deal. But to go out, I go after I put DS to bed, and only recently (last 6ish mths) have started going out before his bedtime at all because he would wake up alot through the evening and not settle unless it was me putting him back to bed or having booby. He's sleeping better now so it's not so bad. But I don't often go out without DH and the kids, maybe 2 times in the last year or so, so it's not such a big deal for us.

[Astrid]

Just don't tend to go out at night, or at least limit it to very special occasions. At times it can be frustrating and annoying, but at the end of the day it is really only for a short time out of your adult life that you are doing it for. I understand being self concious about it, I used to be, but by my second I just go over it. Most people I know now have kids, so all are quite understanding when it comes to the night time stuff.

[Glamourcide]

I only ever go out VERY rarely, and on those occasions I try to shift DD2's routine forward an hour (or two if I can get away with it!) throughout the day so that I can put her to bed early and go out and enjoy myself. Last time DH and I went out, it was just to a friend's house for some quiet drinks, we said we might be late as we'd be putting DD2 to bed before heading over and they were fine with it - they don't have kids but their housemate does and so they know a lot about the limitations that being a parent puts on one's social life, and as they're looking at starting a family sometime soon they're always asking about how I do things and so they're learning more about gentle parenting methods etc, which they haven't been exposed to before, and they understand that it's not just a matter of 'so let the babysitter/grandparent put them to bed, so what if they cry, big deal' kwim?

I haven't been to a wedding/social function or anything like that since I had the kids, tbh, so I'm sorry I don't know how to handle situations like that... luckily we have our parents nearby so when DH and I want to go out, my parents come over/the kids go over there so they're with someone familiar who I know can get them back to sleep, kwim?

Hope you can work it out But if you can't... it's only for a short time. They grow up so fast and before you know it, your social life will be back and bigger than ever, as bub will become more independent and will go to sleep all on his own!

[allycat06]

DS is BFed to sleep, I don't go out much but on the rare occasion I have DH is pretty good at winding him down (bottle of EBM in dimly lit room and rocked to sleep) he just tries to recreate what I do as much as possible minus the boobs of course

He's never really been put to bed by anyone except us though so we do find ourselves arranging our modest social life around DS's bedtime although he can stay up til midnight without too much fuss so that's handy!

I know what you mean about when people come over and you have to disappear constantly. A few of our friends asked us why we don't just leave him to settle himself or leave him to cry but I just have to take a deep breath (really I just want to yell, 'you don't have any kids so shut up!') and explain that's not how I do things.

I figure the more time I spend with him now feeding, cuddling, rocking etc will pay off and and I'll have a happier, more relaxed child in the long run. It sucks that I miss out on going out and what not, but it's only for a few years. I have 50 more years to go out and have fun, DS will only be a cuddly baby for a few years!

[OceanPrincess]

I figure the more time I spend with him now feeding, cuddling, rocking etc will pay off and and I'll have a happier, more relaxed child in the long run. It sucks that I miss out on going out and what not, but it's only for a few years. I have 50 more years to go out and have fun, DS will only be a cuddly baby for a few years!

That is so true. That's what we try and remember too.

Last night I had a Learning Ladder (books and toys) party at my house and right at the beginning of the demonstration I had to excuse myself for half an hour to go and cuddle my DD, who would not go to sleep. She's not liked being rocked to sleep for the last few months, and generally self-settles, but some nights she still needs our help and last night was one of them.

One of my (late) guests actually arrived while I was with her and I heard them saying "Don't know where she's gone" but too bad, so sad, they are big enough to look after themselves for half an hour... DD's anxiety levels are much too important to me than them wondering where I am.

We are lucky though that my MIL is a fan of rocking to sleep so we can leave DD with her to put to bed and are able to go out.

[CrazyLady]

LOL! I'm boring and don't go out. The one time I have gone out Charlie was with me as it was a friend's house for dinner and her baby is the same age. We had family friends over the other night and they were fine with me needing to disappear a little while as they had a very attached little one too.

Allycat- that logic works. I couldn't even put DD down to go to the loo 4 months ago without her shrieking but now she's happy just to relax on the floor and play because I gave her that security.

[sneakysparkle]

I mainly stay home - but sometimes we are out for dinner or whatever, and I just try and do a rough version of their routine while out - we give them dinner at their normal time, then do bath etc and THEN go out - usually at least one of them is asleep by the time we get there anyway, so then I just do what needs to be done - and socialise when I can!
They are both pretty good with doing this - and I think thats because even though we aren't at home, they know what to expect.

There have been times when we've had guests over and Ive had to disappear for a while - but so be it!