Deb,

Thank-you for posting in our new forums! It's very exciting to finally be able to talk about gentle parenting with others.

Firstly I would like to say that those two feeds are exactly what Elijah does at almost 12 months old. I'll either get up and feed him, or John will try and cuddle him to sleep and if he doesn't nod off, then he comes in our bed for a feed - and often stays there. He used to be what you would call a 'dream' sleeper - you could put him down when grizzly and he'd nod right off as this is what he liked to do - but since he started teething at four months old, everything has changed. Teething and developmental milestones can do this - result in wakefulness any form of routine going out the window. A great book to read is 'The Wonder Weeks' which tells you when all these milestones are so you can identify they are having one, what you can do to ease that and also prepare for the next etc... awesome book.

As you'd no doubt guess, gentle parenting is about fully responding to baby's needs - so this is an article that really makes my stomach churn. It's going against what baby needs, in order to acheive convenience, at such a young age too!!! As I have said many a time, society circulates around convenience, it's fast, demanding and we expect more from ourselves and others. However babies have not evolved into little convenience-built packages and I feel it's unfair to make them convenient. Some might say that their young baby needs routine, the sleep will be good for them... but who are they actually talking about it being good for? Mum/dad or baby? Unfortuantely, these are all part of the job description that is motherhood - yes it is hard! But society and perhaps also feminism is also to blame for us not being more involved/connected at a community and family level and truly understanding the full implications of motherhood - once it was all communial, young girls would help mothers with their babies, the load was shared, and now, often a mother hasn't held a baby until she's had her own! So this is going to sound awful but I would love to tell all these people publishing the articles, that if we want convenience, why have babies in the first place? Babies are creatures of survival, not convenience or manipulation!

Your bub is so little, the best thing I would try and do is surrender to motherhood - surrender to the fact that baby is doing what he needs to do to thrive and if in doubt, put yourself in their shoes. Many parenting experts (which often don't even have children) advocate things like no eye contact at night, minimal contact etc. Yet could you imagine how it would feel if you had gotten cosy with your partner for the night and everytime your eyes met and you wanted to engage, he looked away? Or if you could imagine falling asleep in his lap or his arms and he pulled away and said - 'No sorry - this isn't where you can fall asleep.'

I believe that allowing babies to experience the joy and warmth of comfort only teaches them to give it in return. My daughter manages so well when anyone is upset, she's straight to comfort them and does an amazing job!

So to answer your question, your baby will sleep through, when he is ready... it is very normal at his age not to sleep through, as it is until they are 18 months or so - my daughter didn't sleep through until around 2 years (obviously she wouldn't wake in the same was an infant would, crying for a feed!) but now, she sleeps in too!!! She loves her bed and feels completely safe in it and the transition was less stressful than trying to inforce routine with lots of tears, anxiety and stress for all.

Try and work out an arrangement with your partner - perhaps he can try settling bub first and if this doesn't work, try giving baby a feed then either put him back in his cot or practise safe co-sleeping. I cope better with co-sleeping as it's convenient for baby and mum.