It just doesnt feel right

[taralee]

My 6month old used to be good at settling herself to sleep, now after 6 weeks of being sick on and off and a bad time after immunisations, she will only sleep if she is rocked or breastfed. It takes all of about 20seconds for her to fall asleep and although I'm glad she doesnt cry and goes to sleep quite happily..it doesnt feel right. I feel like i started feeding her to sleep because it was easier for me rather than trying to get her to fall asleep on her own - which was just distressing for the both of us. i feel like she will never go back to going to sleep on her own and i've done the wrong thing. its even that shes now not settling at night on her own anymore and i'm sure thats because she's used to me picking her up as soon as she starts to cry. everyone says that as long as shes happy then thats all i should be concerned about but i just feel like ive taken the easy way out...

[~breeze~]

Can I just say that my daughter has always been a good sleeper from day one & I too have been through the rocking to sleep phase & it lasted quite a while! This was while DD was sick, just like your experience & I wasn't about to leave her screaming in her cot when I know how awful it can be when your sick, let alone when you cant tell anyone whats wrong with you (you cant talk at all! haha) I had people saying it was wrong & she'll never go back to self settling but I totally ignored them as this is what worked for us at that point in time...

Now with saying that, after a couple of months doing the rocking to sleep I decided it was time for her to try self settling again as she had been so good at it before she got sick. I dont know if it was luck of good timing or what but after one or two bad nights of trying the self settling technique again things were back to normal & she was perfectly fine going off to sleep on her own again.

Another time when she was sick, she was about 1yr old at this stage, I had her in bed with me as she would just scream when I put her in her cot, I admit this was me taking the easy way but at that point in time I was desperate, I was studying full time & almost falling asleep in class due to lack of sleep. I was so scared she would want to sleep with me forever. Nope, after a week or two when she was feeling better she was able to self settle back in her cot again.

Every child is different so I couldn't say whether your DD would adapt as well as my DD but mums need rest aswell to be able to look after their child properly, if this is what needs to be done for the moment for you both to get your rest then I believe it needs to be done.

When you're ready to try her self settling again I'd give it a go, its gonna probably be hard for a couple of nights or so but thats the way it goes (from my experience anyway)

This is just my opinion & my experiences so if you feel the right thing to do is to get her straight back into self settling now then do it... go with your instincts, but dont do it for the wrong reasons (people telling you what to do) your her mum & you will always do what you feel is right for YOUR individual child.

I wish you luck, I hope all goes well

[shellbell3]

The question I need to ask is if it bothers you to do this all the time?
If you are quite happy to do as you stated then I see no problem, i wouldn't view it as a problem unless it was at a point where you felt you didn't want to go that way anymore.

[Tobily]

I agree with shell - if you're happy to do it and bub is happy there is no reason to think you're doing the wrong thing.
What I wouldn't GIVE at the moment to be able to have my DS fall back to sleep with nothing but a breastfeed.....
We've been through about a month of illness and teething and he's totally forgotten how to self-settle. Totally forgotten. he's waking up every 1-2 hours all night and I'm nearly beside myself after a month of this. Not even boob will put him back to sleep anymore.
I guess what I'm saying with my whinge is that it could really be alot worse - at least she IS still settling for you so I'd go with it.

[taralee]

Thanks guys, it's not that I mind doing it but I feel like it's not doing her any good for me to do it..does that make sense. I feel like I am not teaching or encouraging the right thing..maybe i'm being too hard on her since she's only 6 months old.
Danielle I wanted to ask what your self settling techniques are? Maybe i'm going about it all wrong. it has only been a couple of weeks since she's not been sick and i've been settling her so maybe im expecting too much too soon as well

[~breeze~]

Well I'm definately no expert & as I've said before every baby is different so what worked for me may not work for you, but I'm more than happy to share my techniques (if you can call mine a technique haha) incase they do help you.

I would give her a nice firm cuddle & a kiss, tell her "its time for you to go to bed now" place her in bed & give her forehead a few strokes while saying goodnight to her. I saw this technique (saying those words to her) on a show... prob Dr Phil or something haha but it did work well for her.

As she got older & started making excuses not to go to bed I have introduced a comfort blankie which she snuggles with a dummy in her mouth aswell. About a month ago she started asking for a book, so now at the age of 25 months she goes to bed with a bottle, a dummy (or 5! So she can always find one through the night), a blankie, a book & a teddy. Sometimes it looks so crowded but it works for her.

She is currently sick with a cold so I have gone back to sitting on the side of her bed stroking her forehead for 5-10 minutes at bedtime & up every couple of hours through the night when she coughs & wakes herself up.

Good luck, I hope something I've said helps you get Evie off to sleep on her own... remember 6 months is still quite young (as you said) so she's still learning too. I think its also great to start introducing a routine for bedtime this way she doesn't know any better & is used to doing the same routine every night, hence no arguements, or fewer arguements anyway, when its time for bed!

GOOD LUCK!

[taralee]

Thanks heaps for that Danielle. I have had the same routine at bedtime, and actually nap time since she was born, so as she's changed ive had to make the routine a bit more flexible but seems that some unfavourable bits are hard to get out of the routine! like feeding her to sleep! nevermind, it took 2 minutes for her to go down for her nap before with no whinges and a feed, cuddle and pat so i guess i cant really complain!
i've just read somewhere that being able to fall sleep on their own is a life skill we're supposed to teach them and i guess that one sentence has stuck with me...more fool me!

[~breeze~]

Well babies don't come with a manual & no 2 babies are exactly the same. If you do what you feel is right & it works for you & your family then do it! Everything will fall into place.

In my opinion its better to have a child who is content & KNOWS they are loved by their parents than one who falls asleep within a minute of going to bed IYKWIM. Hey if you have a child that is both of the things I mentioned above then great! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think a child will sleep better if they are content... a routine does help on top of that though from my experience.

Sounds like you're doing something right & she definately looks happy & healthy in that pic! (what a cutie pie!)

[sonya1]

both my boys were little babies and were sent home with 'feed on demand' instructions. this just happened to end up being an hour and a half between feeds!!! my eldest would sleep very well between feeds but my Cody was a shocker!!! unfortunately he would only stop crying if I held. not even DH could calm him. plus i had to stand up, he hated me sitting down... so if your little one is falling asleep after only a short time of settling i think she is doing very well, especially after being sick for a while. she is young honey, i dont think you are doing the wrong thing by her. i love it when my boys used to fall asleep in my arms. i ended up finding a solution with my youngest. he went into a big bed at 10 months and i would turn off all the lights at his end of the house. then i would stroke his hair and gently sing 'you are my sunshine' to him. he always nodded off by the second verse. by 15 months he would happily run to bed with his drinkie cup of milk and tuck himself into bed and wait for his kiss, cuddle and lots of i love you's and at 3 1/2 its still the same. i know i have waffled on, but moral of the story, give her a little more time before getting too worried, and enjoy all those extra cuddles and mummy time....best wishes

[luua]

Tara - just been experiencing the same thing here with Ella. She use to self settle now she needs to be rocked. I think its from when she was sick too. I rocked and held her since she was so miserable now she needs it to sleep. The funny thing is she can self settle when its light outside but when its dark she needs me to hold her to sleep.

I completely forgot how we originally got her to self settle. I ended up stuffing it all up and making her cry this afternoon But NOW i remember. I must write these things down.

I hope things are working out with Evie.

Ann

[Snacks]

i've just read somewhere that being able to fall sleep on their own is a life skill we're supposed to teach them and i guess that one sentence has stuck with me...more fool me!

Agh! I've picked up things from those 'helpful' books too. If I could have my time over again, I wouldn't read anything unless I had a problem that needed solving. These supernannies can really make you second-guess yourself, don't you think?
You are doing such a marvellous job of looking after your baby!
My DD has self-settled a handful of times, which makes me proud of her in a funny sort of way, but most of the time she needs my help to go to sleep. While sometimes I get frustrated, when I think about it I love to know that she needs me for now because the day will come all too soon when she'll want her independence... I choose to enjoy her while I can
Take care and enjoy your little one