At a loss about what to try

[loulabelle]

I don't know if I'm actually after advice or just someone to tell me they had the same problems and it got better with time.

Dd is one next week and is still waking every one to two hours overnight.most of the time I can get her back to sleep by feeding her but other times she decides it's playtime.she is co-sleeping with us, we have tried her in her cot next to the bed but she's even less likely to go back to sleep if she's in it.

It's weird because she sleeps well during the day and will go down well at night initially .all I have to do is lie down and cuddle and feed her.I can walk out when she's awake and she'll just roll over and go to sleep.at night she just screams the second she wakes.

I can't use controlled crying,it just feels wrong but,that seems to be the only advice anyone offers. Eveyome is willing to help you if you use it,all the sleep centers and health nurses.I guess they don't believe the problem is that bad if you won't use it.annoys me.

She is such a happy calm baby during the day. I don't get it. It's staring to get to me though,i'm tired all the time and I find I don't have the patience to deal with ds when he's being naughty. It all just makes me feel like a terrible mother.

[MantaRay]

Hun, it's really tiring isn't it Sometimes it helps to know just how normal this is - research studies show that 1 in 2 babies still wake in the night by their 1st birthday and 1 in 3 by their 2nd. There are many more mums going through this than they will admit to. Sadly there seems to be an expectation that our babies should sleep through early and keep sleeping through, and if they don't we are doing something wrong. The reality is very different. Babies are not supposed to sleep through the night. As young babies they need to feed frequently. As they get older many still need at least one feed in the night, plus they go through development stages where they seem to need to practise their newly developing skills in the night. This extra awake time at night has shown to have a very big impact on the rate of physical development and also intellectual development. And of course there is always the need for comfort!

I don't know that there are many magic answers. Many parents find that co-sleeping allows them to get more sleep than they would get otherwise, so you are on the right track there. Finding time to rest during the day can be very helpful - even if it is only once or twice a week on a weekend. If you are home during the day sometimes grandparents can come over to help out while you sleep, or sometimes you can have an arrangement with a friend where you take her kids for her to sleep and then she takes yours the next day.

Sometimes mums choose to night wean and this might or not work well. Usually 12 months is too early for it to work well as the need for food in the night is still there and there is all that development still going on. But when the time comes, sometimes going away overnight without the baby can help. When a baby knows there is no mum there to give her a feed in the night there is a greater chance she won't wake (again though, if you try this too early it won't work).

In the meantime it sounds to me like you are doing a great job of understanding and meeting your DD's needs. I think the real problem is not that babies wake in the night, it's that parents are expected to have babies sleeping through so they do other things. Many mums feel pressure to have spotless houses, go back to work or study, and there is an expectation by the time your baby is 1 that you will be available to socialise regularly with friends etc and be able to stay up late. Things would be much easier for us all if society just accepted that babies wake in the nights and that parents need support to get through this, and time to get "back into life".

All the best hun, I hope you get more sleep soon

ETA I had two DS's sleeping through the night for a while until DS1 started school this year and now often wakes in the night again. I think sleeping through the night is not something that starts and keeps going, it's more like a transition that comes and goes!

[Arcadia]

it sounds exhausting for you

How much sleep is she having in the day? If my dd naps to much she can't stay asleep in the night. At 1, she was having two short sleeps, transitioning to one middle of the day sleep (for about 1.5 hrs) by 14 months.

She could also be going through a massive developmental shift...is she walking yet? Or just about to start walking? Getting new words?

It will pass. I know it seems like it is going to be like this forever, but she will grow out of it.

In the meantime, can you get a break? Maybe family day care for a day or occasional care. Seriously that saved my sanity when dd turned one. It was a little break each week to help me recharge the batteries.

[onthefly]

In the meantime it sounds to me like you are doing a great job of understanding and meeting your DD's needs. I think the real problem is not that babies wake in the night, it's that parents are expected to have babies sleeping through so they do other things. Many mums feel pressure to have spotless houses, go back to work or study, and there is an expectation by the time your baby is 1 that you will be available to socialise regularly with friends etc and be able to stay up late. Things would be much easier for us all if society just accepted that babies wake in the nights and that parents need support to get through this, and time to get "back into life".

Good call MR

I'm not sure I have any helpful advice loulabelle, all I can do is add my voice to the chorus - My DS was the same. He's one of those kids who cannot sleep well unless all the stars are in alignment with Jupiter, or something. Things are a million times better now. Take whatever time out for rest and me-time that you can, and get your partner/family/friends to help you too, if you can. Sometimes that's really all you can do.

[sloane]

my DS is just a couple of weeks older than your DD & he still wakes frequently overnight as well. there's a thread i started a few months ago that's just come back up & it just proves that there are lots of night wakers out there!

i know that my DS is probably the most frequent waker out of our playgroup babies (who are all within a month of each other) but that the range of wakings is huge & the babies that are sleeping for 11-12 hours straight are in the minority. and of those that do, they still have nights where they do wake.

i feel like a complete failure as a mum some days because my little man wakes every 1-2 hours overnight (and has done pretty much since birth) but then i remind myself that how he sleeps is not a reflection of me as a mum. it's kinda just the way it is. that said, i have a positive feeling that things are improving & we're getting some 3-4 hour stretches of sleep in the last week or so which is a huge improvement. hang in there hun, you're certainly not alone & we will come out the other side!

[lilprecious75]

Hi Ladies!
I am SO glad I've stumbled across this thread!
DS#2 turned one on the 25th of July and he is waking stacks in the night as well.
He isn't quite walking (alone) yet but we bought him a Little Tykes walking toy for his birthday and he cruises around the house for ages during the day so I suspect some of the waking is developmentally based.
I still feed during the night but starting last night DH has been re-settling some thus cutting the night feeds down to bedtime, around 1am, and then early morning (between 5am and 6am) which is helping me not feel so tired.
When DS#2 wakes at around the 1am mark I take him in to bed with me/us (DH doesn't sleep much either and is usually still up working as he runs his own business), feed him and then that is usually when we get our longest stretch of sleep which can be anywhere from 3-5 hours and is basically what is keeping me sane at the moment.
I keep a sleep log/journal which some would say is crazy and futile as it would perhaps have me too focused on the lack of sleep but I find it actually helps as I can often see patterns that I wouldn't otherwise notice such as teething or illness or growth spurts. I keep track of the time he slept, how he fell asleep, where he slept, and then have a column for notes like whether he is hot/cold, seems scared, etc.

I guess really all we can do is support each other and remind each other that this is normal.

DS#1 was a horrible sleeper as well and suddenly started sleeping through the night just a week or two shy of his 3rd birthday and we didn't change a thing so it was BIG proof that they will sleep when they are ready.

I did also want to add that when I was going through all this with DS#1 I night weaned him at about 14 months hoping that would make a difference and it didn't help at all so not sure when I'll fully night wean DS#2!

I am going to keep a close eye on this thread!

Thanks for the support and encouragement!!

[loulabelle]

Thankyou both so much for replying and reminding me that this is common.
I was speaking to a lady at my plsygroup this week and said that I would be ok if she only woke 2-3 even 4 times over night,she looked at me like I was a freak.seriously though, that would be so much better than the 8-10 we get now!

I thought about the developmentel stuff.it's a hard one though because she has some leg and hip problems and isn't even crawling yet,although in the last week she's Been getting very close.maybe something to do with frustration?I can see her getting more and more frustrated at not being able to get and do the things she wants.poor poppet.come to think of it, she does seem worse in the days after her physio.

Mmm,don't know,probably never will!

Thatnkyou again for reassuring me it's normal and I'm doing the right thing.

[loulabelle]

She's having two day sleeps at the moment. At about 1.5 hours each. She can go up to 2.5 hours some days though.maybe too much?

[Fleur]

Pie is the same age as your little one, and she is still waking every night. We put the amber teething necklace on at 8 months & it got better, but she still wakes.
The last couple of weeks it has been more frequent again, but she is going through some major development atm (walking etc, plus teeth).

The only thing that gets me through is that i have BTDT with my other three children - all of whom were still waking at 12 months - and I know that it eventually passes even though it feels like forever at the time. And I have to remind myself of this quite often some weeks!

FWIW, Pie has 1 -2 day sleeps, depending on what time of the mornign she wakes, if it's before & she will have a short morning sleep and a longer afternoon sleep otherwise just one big sleep. Total can be anywhere from 1.5 - 3 hours in a day.

I think you're doing great