Aw, gosh I recognise that all too well! I attended a 'settling seminar' with Natalie when she was a few weeks old. I found it SO hard keeping to a schedule/pattern every sleep of every day but thought I didn't have a choice. I realise for some people it works and I don't want to discount that but I really hope you cut yourself a break - I wish I had've! I have a 3.5yo now and I have NO IDEA where those 3 years went. Sleep is very important and when you don't get a break it can really let you down. But this 'little baby' stage is not forever and you guys will get into a groove regardless of whether you stress about it or not.
All the best.