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Thread: She won't let me put her down!!

  1. #1

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    Unhappy She won't let me put her down!!

    Oh please, please somebody help!

    Scarlett & I are having sleep ISSUES. I thought we were having unsettled issues but then I started to bf her when she was grumping & she was fine... we have been co-sleeping (as she won't have a bar of the basinette) and I was getting no sleep up until the night before last when I just bf her laying in bed until she was asleep... result = pretty good night then & last night. Even before I started this I had to bf her or rock her to sleep before being able to put her down, but most times she'd stay asleep after the 2nd or 3rd try.

    Today however... she will not be put down. She has now been awake since about 10am, except for 10mins here & there on me or in the pram before I try to put her down to sleep on her own. I tried in her cot (which was fine for her yesterday) & in my bed, doing all the things I did last night & the night before. Honestly not 2mins passes before she stirs & crys until I pick her up to rock her or bf her.

    She won't sleep unless she's swaddled & hasn't (as far as I know) self settled at all, she usually wiggles & fusses until she comes a bit unwrapped, gets an arm out atleast, then the crying really starts....

    I have not got anything done today & have only just eaten because I had to put her in her rocker screaming her lungs out & eat or pass out...



    She has to be in the right mood for the HAB, & I love it, but I would love more being able to put her down for ATLEAST an hour on her own....

    Not coping today. Any ideas greatly appreciated.... don't know if it makes a diff but she WILL NOT take a dummy & hates being patted or soothed in anyway when she is in her basinette/cot/bed.

    I am a bad Mummy!! (already!!)

  2. #2

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    Oh hun, big big hugs, you are not a bad Mummy.

    Sounds like bub is now just overtired. It is totally normal for them to want to be held basically 24/7 at this stage. She has just spent 9 months inside you with the warmth and calming sounds of your heart beat that this big bad world is a little freaky.

    Feeding to sleep/rocking/swaddling are all totally ok and I still do this to get my DS to sleep. Perhaps try a bath, baby massage or some skin to skin cuddles to see if you can help calm her. There were days when I held my DS for what seemed like 24 hours because it was the only way I could get him to sleep. The minute I put him down he would scream and scream, it was so exhausting, I was at my wits end. The most important thing at this stage is for you to get some food and take a breather. Do you have someone you can call to come and help you out for an hour or so so that you can recharge.

    I know it feels like it will never end but it does get easier. Just hang in there, you are doing a wonderful job.

    Big reassuring hugs
    Lv Spring

  3. #3

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    First of all you are NOT a bad mummy!!

    All babies have really unsettled days. the only advice I have is it gets better.. I don't even known when Olivia stopped wanting to be held ALL the time but one day she just stopped. I might have been around the 5 week mark..

    From one mum who doubted herself to another

  4. #4

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    I second the others you are not a bad mummy. It is so hard when you are exhausted and you just don't get a minute to yourself, let alone go to the bathroom! Personally, sometimes if DD wouldn't stop crying when I held her or bf her at this age so I would put her in her cot and let her cry while I went to the toilet or got something to eat (I had no one to call to come over). Since I decided it wouldn't make a difference at that point if I held her or not.

    I was lucky DH would come home from work and just sit with her on his shoulder and pat her back until she went to sleep at night.

    It does get better, and one day it just happens. At this age I think they just want to be held, feed and don't be surprised if she doesn't start self settling until about 12 weeks. Just keep trying everything you think, and you will find what works one day does/doesn't work another day. Wouldn't it be great if they had a manual.

    Hang in there, you are being the best mummy by doing the best thing for your baby. I read that to be independant you first need to be dependant and I think that is what happens with babies. They learn how much they are loved and can go on to become independant.

  5. #5

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    Aw I'm sure you arent a bad mummy. Newborns are alot of hard work, trying to figure out what they want and worrying whether you are doing things the right way. Dont stress about having to pat/rock your bub to sleep at this age. Eventually she will do it all on her own, but you cant expect it to happen yet. Maybe give the dummy another go when she is a few weeks older. Otherwise I find Johnsons bedtime bath works very well. If you have a bassinet on wheels give rocking her to sleep in it a go. Good luck, as she gets older sleep time will become alot easier.

  6. #6

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    Oh, thanks so much everyone... way to make me cry lol!!

    Well, she had an EXCELLENT night again last night & I got a whole lotta sleep, but that's what happened the night before last too... hope it doesn't mean another bad day today, but by the sounds of things it may. The way I finally got her to sleep last night (oh yeah, OVERtired is UNDERstating it...) was to get her to sleep on my shoulder then lay her on the bed on her tummy (shock! horror! ) but she STAYED asleep which I couldn't believe after yesterday's shenanigans. She spent maybe 20mins like that then stirred, I turned her over & again she stayed asleep.

    Sorry if I sounded desperate yesterday afternoon... I was feeling desperate lol!! Not long after DP got home & dealt with her while I got a shower etc. Well, I've had a big breakfast, was my number 1 priority when I got up, so bring on the day! (...feel free to let it be a pleasant day...?!)

    Thanks again everyone, sounds like all is normal if exhausting & I so kwym when you say what works one day won't work the next... why the hell is that?! lol... okay feeling alright this morning, we'll see how I weather the day!

  7. #7

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    I just wanted to pop in and say that, yes, babies are very unpredictable! "They" say that babies have one unsettled period every day and one unsettled day per week. I keep that in the back of my mind on those "off" days, it really helps! I keep thinking, "oh well, at least tomorrow will be better".

    You are doing a wonderful job! Make sure you look after yourself when you can!

  8. #8

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    I can relate only too well...Jack wants to be held all day but is fine at night. He's only just recently been a little unsettled in the late afternoon. Right now he's in his cot screaming his little heart out, I go in every two minutes and pick him up, cuddle him and talk to him quietly and put him back.

    I'm at my wits' end too...ugggh...do we have a sleep guru anywhere here?

  9. #9

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    Aww MrsR, sorry you're feeling stressed too . Have you tried some settling techniques like swaddling and patting? I found my DS liked to be wrapped up tight, I would roll him onto his side, put a dummy in his mouth and pat him on his back until he calmed down and then he would go to sleep. Hang in there, it does get better!

  10. #10

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    Queen Mab - you poor thing - I know exactly where you are coming from - having Mr Insomnia Baby myself. It often takes up to 2-3 hours to settle him to sleep at night, and he has an aversion to day sleeps. Sometimes I'd be lucky if he slept for 10 hours a day, which is not enough sleep for a newborn (or his mother!). Today has been good because I've finally managed to get him to take a dummy (he never liked it and I didn't really want him to have one, but last night I think we both gave up!) and he went straight to sleep. But he was the same, he wouldn't take a dummy for weeks and would only go to sleep being carried upright. During the day he often wakes as soon as I put him down, it often takes three or four tries to get him to have a decent nap. Self-settling seems like a beautiful illusion at this point!

    It's hard not to panic or doubt yourself if something that works today doesn't work tomorrow - it's frustrating as anything but you are not a bad mum if she cries and is unsettled - they are babies and that's what they do!!! They have grumpy days just like the rest of us! We all do our best to figure out what is wrong, and the goal posts change everyday. Hang in there!

  11. #11

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    I'm anti-dummy unfortunately...I don't want to be chasing them all over the place when they fall out. OK...10.56am - he's had a quick boosie and shut his eyes instantly, I put him back in his cot, he squawked a bit and is quiet so far....this has been going on since 10.12am - ugggh...please sleeeeep!!!

  12. #12

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    MrsR - My DS only needs a dummy to settle, if it falls out when he is asleep he doesn't care and he doesn't want it any other time of day. If you get REALLY desperate it may be worth a go, but I understand why you don't want to!

    Sorry QueenMab to hijack your thread!

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsr View Post
    I'm anti-dummy unfortunately...I don't want to be chasing them all over the place when they fall out.
    Me too Mrsr - I'm not too fond of them myself for a multitude of reasons, but it got to a point where we were willing to try almost anything!! He had never taken one previously, and I was kinda glad of that TBH...

    But last night he was actually getting to that stage of distress where I couldn't even pick him up without him screaming more (I smell like food!), and because it was mostly wind pain that was keeping him awake, the dummy seemed to help because it was allowing him to suck (which apparently helps) without getting more food (which doesn't). My partner spent nearly two hours trying to settle him to sleep by carrying him and rocking him last night, at which point he was hungry again. I fed him, burped him, then the whole screaming cycle started again, I popped a dummy in and he went straight to sleep. Same thing again this morning. He did wake up momentarily today about 20 minutes into his sleep, started crying, I just popped the dummy back in and he went back to sleep for two hours, whereas normally it would take 20 minutes of walking back and forth with him to do the same thing. And this afternoon I have just managed to get him to self settle in the cot for the first time ever. It is the most sleep he's had in weeks!

    Last night he slept solidly for 6.5 hours, and he'd spat the dummy out within 10 minutes of falling asleep (and stayed asleep), so hopefully this will work for us without too many negative repercussions! And like Trish said, it seems that he only wants it to settle with, once it's done its job he doesn't seem interested! Here's hoping anyway.

    BTW I'm not suggesting that you should try anything you are against, and I understand exactly where you are coming from in being reticent about using a dummy - I was the same until today! I'm not holding hope that this is a miracle cure and it might not work all of the time - but it did get to a point of absolute desperation for us! I know where you are at right now - I've spent weeks carrying him to sleep during the day and there have been some days where he has barely slept at all! I also found that taking him for a walk in the sling would send him straight off - but usually meant that I would carry him around for hours just so that he'd get a decent sleep. It's hard on the back and hard to get anything done.

    Sorry to hijack Queen Mab - I hope you have some luck getting Scally to sleep too - it is so frustrating and exhausting! And don't feel bad about letting her cry for a few minutes while you eat, or go to the loo - you have to eat otherwise you will pass out - I've done it as well and it feels awful but it's essential that we look after ourselves and sometimes there's no one else who can help! And what I learned today is that just because something hasn't worked in the past, doesn't mean that it won't now.

    Good luck guys - I hope that you both find the solution that works for you!

  14. #14

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    QM: how was your day today??

  15. #15

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    I hope you keep having more of the 'good' days then the 'difficult' ones and agree with the others, to look after yourself!

  16. #16

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    You are not a bad mummy.

    babies have their unsettled moments. My son wouldnt have a bar of a dummy which im glad of.

  17. #17

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    You are not alone, my bub is the same, he will not self settle, and to be honest I have researched everywhere and I cant find a way to help him resettle without letting him cry and patting/stroking/dummy doesnt work.
    I found though holding him and bouncing on a fit ball works really well, he nods off quite fast...
    good luck

  18. #18

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    Wanted to say that if you need a sleep though the day, let her sleep ON you!! I found that in those early days, dd would easily sleep on my breast, right inbetween my boobs Don't know how heavy your bubba is, but it might be worth a try.
    Lay down in the middle of the bed and just put some pillows under your arms and lay like Count Dracula while dd is sleeping on you. It might be a tad to get used to, but I could doze for about 30 minutes like that. It's worth a shot!!

    PS - Your not a bad mommy, just tired and unsure. Sounds a lot like I was when dd was that small!!!

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