Seems I spoke too soon. Am back in his room now, first wake up about 10mins ago. This kind of illustrates the ramdomness. He hasn't woken in the mid evening for ages, usually its around the 2-3am mark.
MadB - sometimes he does sleep well in our bed and sometimes not. But you've raised a good point in that my response to his waking has become variable again and depends on how tired I am, what else is going on, whether i'm sick etc (cold + cough atm for example). One of the guiding principles of unconditional parenting, which i'm trying to do more of, is to look at the situation from the child's perspective. I can do that no worries during the day but I'be just realised I don't do it so well at night. I have no idea what posseses him to wake so consistently at some point pretty much every night or resist sleep when he's tired. I love sleep lol and I can't seem to empathise with him like I did during his first year.
I might just try having a consistent response and really try to be more available because I think he knows on some level i'm resenting it and that insecurity is making it worse.
I just thought of something else. DD woke up this morning and came into our bed and we realised she had no nappy on. She said she wee'd in the night so she took it off. Then she obviously went back to sleep.
Maybe something like that? Totally random and probably not it, but worth a try maybe checking if he's wet and changing him? Maybe he doesn't like it at night how he doesn't get a new nappy when he wets? (No idea if you already do this or not but we don't change nappies until the morning if they're just wet).
Ok so sleep here has been our single biggest challenge over the last 5 years. DD1 has had a severe sleep allergy since 16 weeks old and she is 5. We had tried all sorts of approaches and in desperation at 2.5 we just gave up and let her come in with us. Some nights this is as early as 10pm and anywhere afterwards. Initially we all got vaguely more sleep than we used to but she was often wakeful or restless in her sleep at best so it wasn't a perfect solution as such however we were all struggling badly and I was really quite deranged to be honest. When we were talking to her she said she was scared of the dark and just wanted cuddles. When we talked about things she said she just wanted me and got really upset at not being able to sleep through.
To be honest I wish we hadn't made a big deal of it as she has quite a bit of anxiety associated with not sleeping through thanks to the unhelpful help we have had. So I would now tend to brush over it and move on. It has been really hard and we have often functioned at a pretty low level but it is getting better. Some things I do to help are cook up big batches of food and freeze them for the harder days. I also try to tag with DH for naps on the weekend, this has been hard as he has had some health issues and has been less able to help. If you have the opportunity for time with other people to help out then I would grab it! Most importantly be kind to yourself - try not to assign blame/guilt/negative thought about it to yourself as it is very easy to slide down from there. Easier said than done.
Hi KAz I don't have any advice just DS is 21 months and has slept through maybe 3 times. There is no pattern to his waking like you said. You can't predict anything. I'm often exhausted and cranky and then feel bad if I lose my cool DS also won't accept comfort from DP so it's super frustrating and hard. So just and know you're not alone
I don't know what to say except that I have been there. We have had the whole range - going to bed easily but with hourly wake ups, 2 hour + tantrums at bedtime, easy resettles, hard resettles, won't resettle at all....
Basically we just lived through it. It would be terrible for a few months, then relatively better, then it would go downhill again in a never ending cycle. We tried everything we could think of. I tried talking to him during the day, yelling, rewards charts, CIO, me going in, DH going in, limiting day sleeps, no day sleeps etc
The first night after DD2 was born (3 weeks ago) at just over 4, DH told him that if he stayed in his room and read books until he fell asleep for 3 nights then he could pick any present he wanted. Plain, simple bribery. And it worked! He has gone to bed by himself and slept through most nights since!
I guess that is not helpful, we had to wait 4 years for it to happen. I really, really hope that he starts sleeping for you soon, you deserve some rest xx
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The constant waking really takes it out of you.
DS also won't accept comfort from DP so it's super frustrating and hard. So just 
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