too young for co-sleeping?

[slimjadey]

my little one is just over a week old now and i got told off by both my mother and my mother in law for sleeping with him in the bed with me for fear of rolling on him etc..
He sleeps so well with me though, i've tried sticking him into a bassinet after a feed and he wouldn't settle, not even rocking him back and forth in the pram works like it did with my other two.
There is the possibility of feeding him til he falls into a deep enough sleep that i can put him back into his bassinet but it takes a while and i just know i'd end up falling asleep anyway.
Also breastfeeding seems to be much easier laying down, he has a bit of a tongue-tie and just seems to latch on much easier laying down.
I'm pretty confident that i'm not going to roll onto him, i've taken precautions such as having him smack in the middle of the bed (its a queen size bed so lots of room) with me on one side and a pillow on the other edge so he cant roll off but far away enough that he cant roll into it and smother himself. I also have my arms stretched out to my side above his head so i'm not about to roll over onto my arm that would bend my arm in an awkward way and probably hurt and my knees are bent which i got very used to while pregnant. I also have the pillow positioned on my shoulder with the bulk of it going behind me so that my head is on the very edge of it and the rest is well away from baby.
I've heard of plenty of mothers co-sleeping when their babies are 6 months+ but is 1 week too young? I can't see how it would be much different but i dunno..

edit: i forgot to mention that DH had been kicked out of the bed too (poor guy) so there's no risk of him rolling onto baby either..

[paradise lost]

Plenty of people co-sleep with their babies from birth. You are absolutely right that it makes BFing easier and in most cases (unless you are too nervous to rest well) means you get the most and best sleep possible which is SO important just now. It is very easy for people to say "oh it's dangerous" when usually they haven't done it and it's not them having to contend with tongue-tie or sleep deprivation.

If you feel confident that what you're doing is right for you both then go ahead and do it! Trust your instincts!

We co-slept for part of every night from birth and when DP objected i simply put her on my side instead of between us (he was XP by the time she was 8 weeks old but for a variety of other reasons!). I never rolled on her, i got lots more sleep than i would have done and i'll do it with my next kid too.



Bx

[~*Niadalla*~]

This sounds oh so familiar.
We co slept with my little guy, from about 3 weeks of age til 4 months , full time, he does co sleep with us a little bit now.
Either DP or I used to have DS lie in the crook of our elbows. We never once rolled on DS. I know that I wouldn't sleep deeply when we had DS in full time, and always knew he was there, and not to roll over. I had gotten used to not rolling over in my sleep during my pregnancy, as I was so massively huge. lol
DP LOVES co sleeping with DS, and misses it immensely now.
My parents, his parents, and even my childless sister all had something negetive to say when we did it, but pfffftttt to all of them. They aren't in your situation. They don't have to do what you are doing.
You're the mother. Do what you think is right for you and YOUR baby. and just ignore whatever anyone else says.

Good luck, and happy co sleeping!!!!

[lilima]

we never co slept much, but when we did it was fine. Even when you are asleep you are very aware, and I never rolled on DS.
The only reason I would suggest that co sleeping in not a good idea is if you are a smoker, as that increased the risk of SIDS.

[mrscricket]

We co-slept with DS pretty much from birth, even in the hospital, and I found you just tend to instinctively sleep differently. I am a bit of a mover in my sleep but whenever DS was in with us I found i never moved position. It was like i was aware he was with me. He mostly slept on my chest or in the crock of my arm.

Everyone had a go at me for co-sleeping but DS is a beautiful sleeper now which i think was him adjusting to our body rhythms. He sleeps in his own cot now and rarely sleeps with us and i do miss it. I also look back to when he first come home and was so glad he slept with us as we both (Dh and I) got so much more sleep and it was a nice time for us. Do what you think is best - your the mummy and he won't be in your bed forever! If you chose to co-sleep for a few weeks, months or even years, it is your choice. Good luck!

I should add to that we were encouraged by the midwife at hospital to co-sleep. She gave us heaps of information and made us feel good about it. I don't know if i would of done it without her inital encouragement. In my mind, she was a professional so that made me feel positive and ignore my MIL and mum when they both said it was wrong

[slimjadey]

Thankyou for your replies, yeah i've found that i've grown attached to it even though we've only been doing it for a short time i really missed it last night (along with half a night's sleep)

[feeb]

do what feels right for you.

Sound slike you have taken al the right precautions i do feel sorry for DH thought!!! Lol

Relax and enjoy and if others are going to give you a hard time dont tell them that you co sleep!!

[MantaRay]

Babies are meant to be with you all the time at that age. That is why they love it. That is why you love it. That is why bfing works on supply and demand and they want to feed frequently. Nature expects you to be together all the time. If you are following the safe co-sleeping guidelines then there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, in fact you are doing exactly what nature intended for you to do. Do it, enjoy it, and ignore your mum and MIL.

[~Saram~]

When my DS was born I was encouraged by a midwife in the hossy to cosleep with him, it was THE BEST ADVICE! When DD was born I didn't hesitate to cosleep with her from birth - however I did have one midwife wake me at 5am to tell me to put the baby in her crib, which I did until she left and then brought her back in - next midwife commented on how lovely it was to see and benefits to bf/bonding and sleep for both.

Therre was a really interesting talk on cosleeping at the hotmilk conf. I'm sure there is a link of something to it on bellybelly

[fionas]

I was too scared to co-sleep but my DH wasn't! So some nights he would tell me to go off and get a good night's sleep and he would co-sleep with DD. That happened from about 3 weeks on. Not every night but maybe two nights a week.

He'd done it before with his first daughter so was completely comfortable with it.

So I reckon if it feels right, go for it.

[~Belinda~]

Jade, how are things going?

Madeleine slept in her bassinette for the first week home but we've co-slept with her ever since, she won't go in her cot, no matter how much we try. And through the day, she'll only sleep in her bouncer.

If it works for you, go for it. I used to put Madeleine in an anti-roll thing (safe and sound) when she was in bed with me but now we don't, just use a bed rail.

We all get so much sleep and Madeleine is so happy. It may be hard getting her in her cot later but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Hope all is going well

[Ambah]

I think what you are doing sounds wonderful, because it is working for both you and bub!

With my first, I co-slept with him most nights (or partial nights) on and off until he was about 3.5, but was too afraid to start until he was a bit bigger, I think he was a couple of months old before I started bringing him into our bed.

However this time around, with Eva, she has been sleeping next to me from the moment we came home. I actually have had her cot set up next to our bed, with the side rail off so it is basically a sidecar extension to our bed (and both the cot and bed mattress are the exact same level). I am only inches from her, but know I wont roll on her because she is in her own space.
It really makes things like feeding, & putting in dummies, etc, so much easier I find. and I sleep SO MUCH better with her right there.
I remember with Aidyn, he was sleeping in another room in those first weeks, and I was constantly plagued with anxiety, and restless sleep, because I was always listening out for him.

There are a couple of great articles HERE and HERE which explore some interesting facts and benefits of co-sleeping. Maybe you could print them out and show them to your mother and MIL to help them to understand just how beneficial, and safe it can be?

[jackrose]

Good for you for doing what comes naturally! Always more difficult when others challenge us, but as has been said in this thread already - and so eloquently - pffffffft to the nay-sayers!
(although it is always worth taking advice under advisement.... It is never the last word)

I co-slept with my girl from day one, firstly, like you it was just me and her in bed together. This way I found that I really had a chance to get to know her sleeping patterns, her little ways and her needs. At 5 weeks, we all moved back into the family bed, the three of us after making sure my Hubby knew what was involved.. (no drinking etc) and it has been a gorgeous way to be together.

I have had no fear of rolling on her, but did have a fear of her rolling into me and being unable to breath against me in the early days when we were in a softer bed. I solved this by sleeping her perpendicular to me, moving her round when she sounded like she wanted a feed and then turning her perpendicular again when she was done. No rolling there.

She is 4 months now and I put her down in her hammock and when she wakes for a night feed, its into bed with us for the rest of the night. This way she gets a good morning feed and a sleep in too.

I dont know if this system has been the reason, but she slept through the night for the first time at 8 weeks (8 hrs!) and has been regularly sleeping 12-13 hours a night since about then. I feel like I am getting the best sleeps of my life - not something I expected for a new mum.

Best of luck to you!

[jackrose]

Oh, and..

the reading I have done suggests it is highly unlikely for a baby to be rolled on by mum, and can be safer for the baby... all things (such as no drinking or drugs) considered.

Babies tend to sleep better because they get in sync with their mums breathing patterns and don't tend to stop breathing mid sleep cycle. One study talked about how mums with bubs in the beds tended to get more of the good sleep cycle sleep (the deep restorative stuff) even though they were more easily and more frequently woken by having the baby in the bed. ie: they were always conscious the baby was there but still got deep sleep anyway.

[Emma1979]

people will ALWAYS have an opinion on how you should parent your child, from feeding to sleeping to discipline to ANYTHING UNDER THE SUN, and because they've been a parent themselves this somehow makes them an expert... even though they are well meaning, take EVERYTHING ANYONE says to you with a grain of salt.... what may have worked for their baby almost certainly won't work with yours, all babies are different, and if your baby sleeps best with you and you like it, then let bubs sleep with you... the most important factor here is sleep, do whatever lets the three of you get the most of it!!

Its your baby, you are the mummy and no matter what, you know whats best, and what you don't know you learn along the way....

enjoy your baby and trust your instincts....

[~kaos~]

If you want to read a book that really reaffirms why to chose cosleeping and the benefits of it, read "three in a bed" by Deborah Jackson. Great book.

Do what is right for you and your baby. They need you.... I've coslept with all three since birth and love it, not only for the extra sleep that I get (I've always told people I've never got out of bed to feed a baby ) but for the precious moments, and knowing that when my bub needs me, I'm right there.

[~Belinda~]

Great post EMMA! Couldn't agree more!

[bellelass]

Why is it that people are absolutely aghast when they find out I'm planning on "co-sleeping" with my infant? I'd though of doing that before I found out there was a name for it. Seriously.. Its like I'm committing some crime. DH and I are equally puzzled by the reactions we've gotten, mostly from people our mothers' ages... His mother tries reeeeally hard not to tell us outright she thinks we're nuts so that's good. We did have a bit of a battle over me not wanting to crowd my bedroom with a bassinet... At least my mum does a lot of social work with immigrant women who do it as a matter of course, so she knows it works well.

I guess I just don't understand why it should carry some sort of weird stigma? Or is it because that's not what their generation did, and therefore must be flawed? Or like so many other parenting choices (bfing for example) is choosing to do it seen as some sort of judgement passed on those who don't?