What do you do with unwanted sleep advice?!

[Janie]

Sarah, I actually didn't realise you had issues with Zander's sleep. It's hard going, I know, and my DS is alot younger! TBH, I don't tell that many people that we have any sleep issues to start with, so that saves alot of unwanted advice and comments. Those that we do tell usually don't offer advice, because it's obvious that we've worked to improve things for DS, so they're sensitive enough to realise that! And for those that we do get unwanted advice from, well, I pick and choose my responses. Sometimes I just nod and smile and say 'oh that sounds like it was helpful for you' (like I did this morning to someone who asked if we'd read babywise ), sometimes I explain that we're not into CIO, and sometimes I just say that we think that our DS is simply not a good sleeper, and now that we've accepted that life is alot easier! It really depends on who it is, and whether or not I can be bothered explaining our history, and reasoning behind our decisions.

I hope you can find some solutions Sarah, it is hard going, especially when the 'well-meanings' try to help. I had people suggesting all sorts of things a year ago, and then we found out that DS had allergies and sensitivites that were seriously affecting his sleep, and sometimes behaviour. Once we removed them he was soooooo much better, and I could say to people 'wow, wasn't it great that we didn't leave him to cry, when all that time he had something that was bothering him!'. That felt really good, I can tell you . I hope there is a similarly simple solution for you guys . And if it turns out that he's just not that great a sleeper (as I suspect my DS is), well be comforted with the knowledge that you won't be the one to live with it forever!!!!

[Curly]

I just learned to pretend like it didn't worry me and say "well, he's hardly going to coming in to sleep next to me when he's 15!" or "I'm sure he'll sleep beautifully when I need to start getting him up early to go to school!"

I found that once I started going into detail about what was going on I got the unwanted advice which I suppose is fair enough...people generally do want to help (or feel superior because they think they know everything and their methods are the best ) so best not to engage in the discussion in the first place.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Take it all in. Educate yourself on other peoples ideas. Not just for yourself, but down the track, a friend might be having a few issues and from everything u have read and people have told u, u can get them to check out the websites etc. I NEVER dismiss advice. People are just trying to help.

[{sarah}]

I'm sorry Mumma Mia, but I have to disagree with you. I will not listen to people telling me to make my child cry & scream whilst I ignore him & I won't listen to the advice that tells me to go to so-called experts who suggest the same sorts of things. I would never ever suggest that sort of thing to others either, so no point in taking it in. My child is going to a neurologist in two weeks, suggesting that I make his room darker or give him warm mik before bed or sending him to bed early etc etc isn't going to help me or him.

I realise people are trying to help & I appreciate the thought behind it but after 4 years of the same suggestions over & over it gets a bit much. And yes the same people give the same advice regularly.

[Trillian]

Take it all in. Educate yourself on other peoples ideas. Not just for yourself, but down the track, a friend might be having a few issues and from everything u have read and people have told u, u can get them to check out the websites etc. I NEVER dismiss advice. People are just trying to help.

Can I ask if you could honestly save up info and pass it onto someone else in good conscience if it is advice that you wouldn't take yourself? Or if it was just the dumbest piece of advice you'd ever heard or something that went completely against your parenting choices? I know I couldn't and I've been doing this parenting caper for quite a few years now. It would just go against every fibre of my being to pass on crap information - I couldnt' have someone tell me to use CC, disregard it because it's not what I do, and yet pass it onto someone else as something they should do.

Sarah, I just don't mention it - people probably think that Alister was a perfect sleeper because I rarely complained to anyone IRL or mentioned that he was having so much trouble when he was a baby with his sleep (not so much now thankfully!) but in reality he was a shocker! I guess i didn't say anything because it kinda avoided anyone giving me advice but also because I just didn't think they needed to know kwim? I think if you are polite when you do get unwanted or dodgy advice that you can't go wrong - they feel better for imparting their little gem of wisdom and you don't seem like you're ungrateful if you said thanks but no thanks Or if it is the same people giving you the same old advice you could always say "yeah, tried that one the last time you suggested it, have you got any other ideas?" but that would only come across right if you knew them well enough LOL

[Nelle]

Keep some really yummy lollies in your bag, and eat one for every sentence of advice you get.

[Janie]

Nelle, that is the best!!!!!!!

I think that is a great suggestion Trill - if it's the same old people, tell them it didn't work last time, and ask if they have anything new! Classic!

Sorry Sarah, to laugh in your serious thread, not making light of your situation

[onthefly]

I'm just honest.
Yep, tried that.
Uh-huh, that's interesting.
Nup, won't do that.

We're only 18 months in though, it must get very tiresome after a few years... congrats on 4 nights with no wakeups.

[{sarah}]

Haha Janie, it's all good

And Trillian, love it!