Where is her 12 Week *Magical* change??

**sweetpea678** · April 27th, 2009, 06:00 PM

All bubs are different, my first was wrapped till 6 months, second dd was sort of wrapped still at 2, she used to hold her blankie and wrap herself up like a sausage lol. but i stoped tightly wrapping her at 6 month because she went into a hip brace but i actually had to wrap her arms in till she was well over one, she would get them out but would not go down unless wrapped in lol.

And this little one as I said hated it from the start, but likes to be snuggled in carriers lol.

I hope your bub settles for you soon.

**lily'smum** · April 28th, 2009, 12:58 AM

i really want to reply to empathise. My 15 week old bub is very similar I had hired a hammock and would sit and rock/bounce her to sleep all day to try and get 45 minute naps. I sat there and she would wake between 5 -20 mins later and i would bounce again to get her back to sleep. Very tiring, i couldn't go anywhere. She was so overtired and grumpy and I just wanted to be able to enojy my baby.
Then I went to sleep school for a week and learnt so much about sleep. I also learnt a great way to teach her to self settle... now it does involved her making noise, but there is no timing and she never get's distressed.
Try it if you're comfortable, Make sure bub has a clean nappy, full tummy, has had some fun awake time, is tired enough to sleep and whatever else you use ie comforter dummy etc. (My baby won't take anything and hates being wrapped too). Lay bub down awake and tell her it's sleep time, give her a cuddle and walk out. now listen... If she's quiet leave her, if she's grizzling leave her, if she sounds distressed go back in and reassure her, calm her anyway you feel you need to ie pat on bum, shhhing, cheek to cheek etc avoid picking up but if you have to that's fine. When she's settled leave again (remember it's not about timing). Continue to do this up to half an hour, always get bub calm but not asleep. If after half an hour she's still not asleep help her a bit more, stay in a bit longer until she's asleep. You can just try again next time.
Distressed is continuous crying that makes you want to go get bub. if it rises and falls back down to a grizzle leave the baby they are still in control. GO in if you feel they are getting out of control and need you to reorganise their feelings.
Lily went from wrapped, breastfed to sleep then waking up as she was put in her hammock and bounced for about an hour to... falling asleep on her own in a cot unwrapped with 0 - 5 minutes grizzling by the end of the week.
I really like this method as i absolutely can't stand to let her cry, but I was able to let her learn to settle herself. No tears, no stupid timing, no rules about what you can and can't do, you're just listening to your baby and allowing them the opportunity to learn. Subsequently she now resettle herself at night and i get up to 6 hours when until 13 weeks she woke every 20 -45 mins around the clock.
She still catnaps but we're working on that and she is much happier. Teaching your baby to self settle painlessly is in my opinion such a wonderful gift

I hope this is useful

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 28th, 2009, 10:57 AM

lily'smum - Wow thank you so much for posting this information - i will give it a go with DD and see how it goes

-

**Liz** · April 28th, 2009, 11:13 AM

now it does involved her making noise, but there is no timing and she never get's distressed.
.... if she sounds distressed go back in and reassure her,

Sounds like it involves them getting distressed if you ask me.. if that's the only time you can go back and settle them

**Arcadia** · April 28th, 2009, 09:18 PM

Hi EllaBear...I think the only thing magical about 12 weeks is that bubs starts to notice what you're doing. They're suddenly so clever, and respond to the routines you create. For us, this happened negatively, with DD realising that sleep and boob were the best, and sleep minus boob was a no go! This meant DD would wake up everytime I placed her in her cot (yes, at every feed in the night too) and secondly because she started waking every hour through the night looking for a boob to resettle. I was a wreck. What started as a lovely thing suddenly wasn't so lovely.

So, at 12 weeks I had to make some pretty dramatic changes to the way I was doing things. I have included what I did in case you want some practical tips, but as the other wise BBers has said, first you have to decide if its a problem for YOU. I struggled with this for a while, because I felt so much pressure from the MCHN and the idea of what I *should* be doing, but in the end actively changing things actually made me feel more in control and less like things were spiralling into a sleepless nightmare.

So....this is what I did.

Step 1: STOP feeding to sleep! I swapped feeds to the start of her cycle (yes, a feed, play, sleep routine). I instead rocked her to sleep or used the sling. This took only a few days for her to get the idea that feeding and sleep don't go together. I also had to wake her up as she was feeding.

Step 2: Experiment with ways of soothing DD in her cot. Now this one was HARD. Of course we are all about gentle parenting, and no-cry solutions, so this took some patience and a lot of picking her up and trying something new. I tried patting, rocking the whole frame of the cot, but found holding her hands and placing my cheek to hers and humming into her ear, she stopped crying instantly. I had to do this over quite a few days so she was only crying for a short spurts as I tried to find out our no-cry solution to settling in the cot.

Step 3: Put DD to sleep in the cot ALL THE TIME. I had to stay home for a few days and stop using the sling etc.

Step 4: Put DD to sleep in the cot when she shows tired signs. When she cries comfort her, but stop BEFORE she falls asleep. So its a real start-stop approach. Start comforting when she cries and stop when she stops. This took persistance but it means DD learnt that she was ok, I was ALWAYS there and she could fall asleep on her own.

Step 5: know the difference between whinging and crying and try and ignore the whinging. Now most people would complain if there were put to bed without any say in it, and my DD does whinge a little sometimes (and some days a lot), but its like a grizzle and stops after a few minutes or so, and might start again. I call it her sleep story, but I am hovering like a hawk until she falls alseep to make sure I am right there as soon as she cries.

Soo...that's it. It felt a little bit harder on her than I ever thought I would be. But she never cried for more than 20 seconds at a time during this process and was ALWAYS comforted, and the results have been phenomenal. I used to spend 40 mins plus every day just to settle her for each day sleep. Now I sing her a song, put her in her sleeping bag and pop her in the cot. She is generally asleep within 5 minutes. Her naps have gone from 30mins only to up to 2.5 hours.

I hope this helps

**Barb Glare** · April 29th, 2009, 06:10 AM

Hi, Ella_Bear,

You said "I have also tried co-sleeping with her and she then thinks its conversation time for her and mummy"

You know those first nights where you slept with a new adult person? You just wanted to talk all night? But it soon wears off - and you feel comfortable together, and just sleep. Same with babies. Co-sleeping is something worth persisting with. At the start it's so fabulous just being with mummy, but after that she's just so nice and warm and comfortable to snuggle down to sleep with

**Liz** · April 29th, 2009, 08:11 AM

3 months is usually an unsettled time regardless of what you're doing for sleep. So is 7/8 months. Often just riding it out and finding the thing that works best at the time is the way to go. We've fed to sleep, and yes there are times where it feels they're using the boob too much, but it passes.. it really does.. and there's usually a reason that they're feeding so much.. growth spurts (yes 12 weeks is a common time for a growth spurt), teething, warding off sickness... it's usually worth persisting with feeding.

co sleeping makes the frequent feeding much much easier.. you hardly wake up for it.

**lily'smum** · April 29th, 2009, 12:21 PM

The method i used really doesn't make the baby distressed. I wouldn't have been able to do it if it did, because listening to my bubba cry makes me feel physically ill! I guess you'll just have to trust me on that one as a lot is lost in my translation. It sounds very similar to what anna used and i found exactly the same thing, lily will settle with cheek to cheek and gentle whispering. Maybe Anna explained it better?
I would love to hear how you went Ella Bear

**Heaven** · April 29th, 2009, 01:26 PM

anna- when did you start doing that? I've tried to settle DD in her bassinette but she doesn't get it, lol. I've tried rocking, patting, singing, etc, but she just wants to be picked up. So I'm thinking maybe she's just too young yet and she can't go to sleep on her own, or without being held so I should stop trying and wait a bit. So just wondering when you started?

**Arcadia** · April 30th, 2009, 09:16 AM

Hi Heaven, I started this at around 12 weeks because by this age she seemed to be communicating with me more. For example, I started identifying her "I'm tired" cry as opposed to just a cry. When I discovered this, I realised she would cry in my arms or the cot because she really was tired and needed sleep, so I tried comforting her instead of feeding her all the time, and discovered she would sleep without the boob. Then it was the next step to the cot, and comforting her there. (I also think that at 12 weeks they are more settled in general, so they seem to be more open to trying new things...that being said, I still had to work at this).

I would say hold out if you can for the moment. The first 12 weeks its important to establish trust and to really get to know your baby. That way when you want to change things, you can read them like a book, and know you're doing the best thing for both of you.

Don't second guess yourself, and think you're setting up bad habits - there is no such thing I think. Babies are very easy to change if you want it to change. They learn by repetition and consistency. My solution took a few weeks (longer than any CIO methods) but I think the gentler approach is VERY important (but you have to be aware there is some crying involved...she liked things the way they were, so it is reasonable to expect some whinging etc).

Are you coping ok with the way things are?

**Shanti** · April 30th, 2009, 09:30 AM

Ella bear

I feel for you! I'm going thru the EXACT same thing....

As soon as my DD turned 12 weeks , this last week shes gone all different on me!!! She won't sleep... if she does its not longer than 20mins!!!!!

Yesterday she woke at 5am and did not sleep again until 7pm last night I KID YOU NOT!!!
it was a really crap day!!!!!! LOL

Lately DD is feeding to sleep.... I don't like her doing that but hey whatever works to help me get thru this..... its so exhausting not getting to rest during the day isnt it? It feels like I have a newborn again!!!
DD has been up every 3hrs in the night too.... feeding often again.

**Shanti** · April 30th, 2009, 09:32 AM

I've never heard of the 12 week magical change, with my little one I rostered to buying a hammock at 7 weeks it arived at 8 weeks old and was the best thing I did, as before she would only sleep if I continually rocked her or bounced her in the bouncer. But with older kids could not do that at all.

When did your little one outgrow the hammock?? My DD has slept in hers since day 1 and the last week she's outgrown it as she whinges and fusses and turns on her side in it and acts all uncomfortable in it.... so we have had to put her in her cot now!!! We have fears she'll turn over onto her tummy (shes nearly rolling over) and suffocate!!

**Heaven** · April 30th, 2009, 09:34 AM

Thanks Anna, I was thinking 12 wks. I think I read somewhere they don't have the ability to self-settle before 12wks and you can't form bad habits before then anyway. So for now I will keep going this way with the sling and anything that works and at 12wks will try to start setting up a bed time routine and see how it goes. Will hopefully work and then bed times will be a lot easier for me!!

Thanks heaps for all that information, I'll let you know how it goes! I'm coping ok with things atm, thankyou!!

**Shanti** · April 30th, 2009, 09:52 AM

Anna -I like your post... I'm going to try this on DD thank you!! It seems do-able! I'm printing out your post now and sticking it to the wall in the nursery so i can use it and its close by LOL i will let you know how it goes.

Sara - Ava has self settled herself a few times since about 7 weeks old!! So some babies can do it... but I believe she will only do this if I get her wrapped and in her cot well immediately as she shows tired signs. I thought "hey this is easy!!" lol if i miss her cue's even by delaying 5mins it can be too late....we were going so well with it up until the last week! now that shes 12wks something changed LOL

**sweetpea678** · April 30th, 2009, 09:58 AM

Hi Renstar,

The hammock that I have is an amby and dd stayed in it till she was 8 months, this is when she rolled onto her tummy in it. She had been able to get on her side from about 3 months in it. She was comado crawling at 6 months so it did not coinside with what she could do out of it.

Bub did go through a few days at certain times where she seemed uncomfy in it but that passed after a few days. Like anything they do that in the cot etc at times to. If she had not rolled onto her tummy she would still be in it.

**Shanti** · April 30th, 2009, 10:02 AM

Hi Renstar,

The hammock that I have is an amby and dd stayed in it till she was 8 months, this is when she rolled onto her tummy in it. She had been able to get on her side from about 3 months in it. She was comado crawling at 6 months so it did not coinside with what she could do out of it.

Bub did go through a few days at certain times where she seemed uncomfy in it but that passed after a few days. Like anything they do that in the cot etc at times to. If she had not rolled onto her tummy she would still be in it.

Thanks Sweetpea.... well DD has been able to get onto her side (while wrapped) a few times now... so maybe I should persist with the hammock for a bit longer? Sounds to me like I've given up on it too soon for fear she'd roll onto her tummy. It would be hard doing that whilst wrapped surely?? Shes in our room in it and i'm not ready to let her sleep in her cot in her own room yet... which she has been for past 3 nights

just isnt the same.... i like co-sleeping (sharing room).
(sorry Ella bear to invade your thread)

**sweetpea678** · April 30th, 2009, 10:08 AM

Renstar, dd is in my room in the cot now all my kids stay in with me till they are at least 18month, yeah maybe try the hammock again. my bub slept on the side in it from about 4 months till 8 months but took alot longer to get all the way over.

**Shanti** · April 30th, 2009, 10:14 AM

Thanks Sweetpea - I much prefer DD sleeping in our room with us until she's at least 6mths... sure makes b/feeding her easier. Walking to another room is tiring in the middle of the night!! And it wakes DD up too much! I'm going to try the hammock again tonight. She's in her cot at the moment in her own room.
I'm going to PM you so i don't keep taking over this thread!!!!