who doesn't like to use controlled crying?

[~Belinda~]

Hi

Currently working out whether to perservere with the controlled crying with my DD. It's hard!

After reading an article on BB, just wondering who out there disagrees with this method and if you do, did your child settle on their own eventually and what age was that? What methods did you use? I am finding I am getting very stressed with it and don't want it to lead to feelings of becoming down in the dumps IYKWIM.

Thanks.

Belinda

[Lulu]

I really, heartily disagree. I think it causes more stress for everyone involved TBH.

I went to a sleep school that employed this technique (but never called it that or I wouldn't have gone), and it was just awful. It wasn't helping my boy and I just had to accept he would never be easy to settle.

It got better after a looong while, but that's just the way DS is.

DD has started not wanting to sleep about 18 months, she was always pretty good before then. On advice from a MCHN I now sit next to her cot, in her room. I just sit there until she has either gone to sleep or is happy to say goodnight. The time gets shorter and shorter.
This probably wont help you much (sorry), but after three kids I feel you just have to give them the attention they need until they feel safe or secure enough to drift off on their own. All kids are different but I think you get further in the long run if you do it that way.

xoxoxo Good luck, this too shall pass.

[Willow]

Belinda - I know where you're coming from, I was there a week ago. I don't agree with CC in theory, but was just at my wits end and did try it in a modified form (only leaving him for a maximum of 5 mins) and it was just AWFUL! I only had to do it for an hour, but didn't sleep a wink all night, I just lay there with a belly full of nerves hoping hie wouldn't wake again cause I knew I couldn't start it all over again. I sat here later that night and read "the Con of Controlled Crying" and made my mind up to stop immediately. My aim wasn't to get him to self settle because he can already do that, it was to get him to sleep through the night, or at least for longer stretches over night.

But, it didn't work anyway and I noticed the next day that DS was unusually clingy and his day sleeping patterns were out the window. He went from self settling to screaming whenever I put him to bed I actually called the nurse we saw at our sleep school and she told me I'd absolutely done the right thing in stopping - it's not good for babies or for mums.

If you look at the link below you will see I've posted about my settling methods in this thread, as have some others who use more gentle methods. I've used these methods with both of my children who have self settled from a relatively early age (about 3 months). I won't say I never allow them to cry for a single second, because I do believe that grizzling and protesting is part of the process of learning to put themselves to sleep initially, but I definitely won't be leaving him to cry again! It was a moment of desperation after a week of very little sleep but was a lesson well learnt to trust my instincts.

The key is to LISTEN to your baby - you know when she needs you to comfort her.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ep-school.html

[MantaRay]

Bindy, I have to say hun that I am definitely not a fan and haven't used it with either DS. They both are great at self-settling now, and I believe that's because they were taught gently and feel feelings of love and support when they are in their beds, rather than fear and/or sadness. JMO.

I think books like Pinky McKays - Sleeping like a baby and for the older ones Toddler Tactics are fantastic. I also think Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution was a good book. Have you had a read of these yet?

The thing is that I find the best way to teach babies/kids anything is with patience. Sadly we live in a society where we expect quick fixes to things and unrealistically have the aim of having babies sleep through the night well before babies are meant to sleep through the night, so that we can get on with everything else going on in our lives. I know I am an idealist, but I would love for our whole attitude in society to change, to recognise the importance of children, and find ways to better support parents in raising kids. Sorry, I think I have gone way OT here. My point I guess is that they do all learn to sleep well sooner or later. And Pinky Mckay says in Toddler Tactics that she believes the best sleeping toddlers and older kids are those who were "parented" to sleep (ie parents to the time to sit with them, lie with them, pat them etc so that there was no trauma at sleep time). Something to think about anyway.

If you decide not to pursue CC, you could try posting in Gentle Parenting and asking for other ideas. GL.

[krysalyss]

Hi there,
I am emphatically against leaving bubs to cry for reasons that most people have mentioned on BB (eg the article ' the con of controlled crying').
I won't say my DS is the best sleeper because he isn't. Usually at 14 months he wakes at least once during the night. But I know that whether he wakes or not has nothing to do with my sleep tactics for him. Sometimes he is teething, sometimes he is hot or cold or wet, sometimes he seems to have bad dreams etc. Sometimes he sleeps straight through for weeks.
I know I am doing the right thing by responding to him because sleep wise he is easier to settle again at night and he has dropped night feeds by himself. But more importantly during the day he is such a confident, well adjusted little boy who is happy to meet lots of new people, try new things, loves giving hugs and kisses and cuddles, and chats (gibberish) to everyone that he meets. He goes to daycare one day a week and started at a new centre last week. The carers were amazed at how easy going and happy he was. He also goes up to other crying babies and hugs or pats them, or puts his head on them.
So I really feel that we have done the right thing.
The sleep thing will pass. But your bubs development now will determine a lot in the future. I know it is so hard because I have been there, but it gets easier as they get older.
Big hugs! HTH

[aussienic]

I disagree with it.. personally.. It is a personal decision to make and you have to do what you feel is right..

one thing I don't like is the coming and going.. Either don't do it or stop going into thier room... I think it is more stressful when you go in and out

I haven't done CC but i have done controlled comforting. I will sit by thier bed and talk softly to them so that they know I haven't abandoned them.. you can tell in thier cry if is it genuine or just plain tired and need sleep

[sushee]

I didn't CC and Charlie eventually learnt to self settle at 11 months of age. It was a looooooong 11 months, don't get me wrong, and there were times I believed it would never happen. But it did.

I am not a believer in CCing in kids under 12 months of age, in that I would pick Charlie up if he cried. I then put him down when he stopped. I'd do this until he settled, and sometimes he didn't settle and that was alright too. But most times he would go off to bed awake and put himself to sleep. Charlie is now 2 and sometimes cries when he wakes in the middle of the night, but he can climb out of bed and come look for me if he really needs me (and has done so before when he's been sick) so now I don't go to him each time he cries.

I think before 8 months of age, when they learn object permanence, that leaving them to cry doesn't teach them anything about self-settling (because they don't understand that if you're not in their line of sight, that you still exist just out of sight). I think it teaches them that their needs will not always be met, which I think is quite distressing for the child at that age.

That's just my opinion though.

[morgan78]

I havent (& wont) use CC. During the day i will rock, pat or bf DD to sleep and did the same with DS when he was a bub, and at times both have slept on me or Dad. Night times DD is always bf to sleep & DS was rocked/patted. DS started to self settle around 9 months and generally is a great sleeper and DD is still too young IMO for me to worry trying to teach self settling.

This probably wont help you much (sorry), but after three kids I feel you just have to give them the attention they need until they feel safe or secure enough to drift off on their own. All kids are different but I think you get further in the long run if you do it that way

Lulu i agree wholeheartedly

[Lulu]

Don't worry -what you are doing IS working, you just have to keep it up for a little longer and she will get it. You have got three days of the good stuff, a hiccup here and there is nothing because you may get 4 days running, then a hiccup, then 10 days etc etc.

Sometimes you have to change your own approach about it to save your own sanity. ie - WOO HOO 3 days! OR, my fav when I am poking my eyeballs back in, is to remember the times (in the OLDEN days) when I used to stumble home from the pub at a ridiculous hour and get up for work the next day on 4 hours sleep......I did it then, I can do it AGAIN!
Don't count the hours you haven't slept, but the ones you have....

This too shall pass, it WILL.

Just keep up the same routine, she will welcome it one day.

[~Belinda~]

Manta, hopefully it will pass.
Kellieem, thanks for your support. I'm thinking it's teething for sure.
Carley, my DD dislikes being wrapped but I could try it again as it's been a little while.
Lulu, thanks for the positive outlook, better to look at pros than cons I agree.

My DD is not interested in cot anymore through day but WILL sleep in our bed. I've put a shirt of mine in her cot, tried everything, have persisted and persisted but it's just not happening. She's only waking a couple of times per night which is ok, I seem to be catching up on sleep when she sleeps through the day. It's so hard to know if you are doing the right thing!! Let's hope she'll go back in her cot through the day soon without screaming and screaming. I actually can't settle her in cot by patting etc. I have to physically pick her up, she'll settle within 3 minutes and then I put her in again and she'll wake straight away, it's just a cycle.

[LuluHB]

It took my DD until about 10 months before I could put her into her bed wide awake. I admit to trying CC but other than the fact that it broke my heart, it just simply didn't work. My DD just screamed louder and longer until I couldn't stand it anymore. I cuddled her to sleep at night and put her down sound asleep - if I tried it any other way she screamed. Day sleeps were the same way and sometimes I just left her sleeping on me. Not sure what really changed but it did - I now put my DD down for her sleeps, tell her its time for bed, that Mummy and Daddy love her etc, and she just goes to sleep.

Like MR said, there will unfortunately always be something that comes along that upsets their routines - teething, growth spurts, colds, new babies - but its only a temporary thing. It certainly helped me to cope to know there was light at the end of the tunnel.

As inconvenient as my DD's sleep habits were, it has resulted in the most self assured, happy, secure little girl. Good luck.

[sushee]

Oh God yes Charlie went through that too. The whole "I'll sleep in your arms but don't you dare put me down" stage. And it does test your resolve because after a while all you want to do have her sleep for heaven's sake!

But it's true. It does not last forever, even though I bet it feels like forever right now.

[soon2be]

Controlled crying isn't for us. I've spoken with DP about it and we agree that it's not for us. Oscar is now a little over 6 months and sometimes he will go down when awake. Most of the time he likes a cuddle. And at night he's a bit of a fan of a quick nightcap before bed.

This week his routine has ompletely and utterly gone out the window. It's not surprising though. I'd be upset too if I had four top teeth coming through at once and had a head cold, which is what's happened. The nights when he's woken every 2 hours (three in a row) have been fun and the timing's been perfect as Ive had work to do (I consult).

I think if I'd gone down the CCing path this week then it would have been more horrendous. For the most part the little guy is really easy going and happy and I take that as indication that we've been doing the right thing.

We comfort Oscar when we need to, and when we need to give Oscar a little space we'll do so. As an example, I was shopping today and Oscar started crying. His voice splits into about three tones if he's just tired and needing sleep. That's what was happening. I monitored him in the pram but didn't pick him up. I would have if his cry changed. He was asleep in two minutes.Needless to say I got shot a few daggers by passers by. If I had have picked him up when he needed to be left alone he would have been over-stimulated and would have stayed awake and then become overtired.

You know your child best and will work out what is going to work for you.

[~Belinda~]

Thanks everyone, I have a print out of a new routine and it sounds great, will try that next and just be patient with my DD. It's gentle comforting, not controlled crying strategies. Thanks again for your help and reassurance that everything will be ok