Cant get my mind off it

[mac29]

Hi Ladies, I am a mum of 2 beautiful boys DS1 4 and DS2 2. I would love love love to have another baby but DH will not have a bar of it!

We have tried to talk about it but we end up in an argument, i dont know what to say or do that could change his mind. I have been forced to suffer in silence and leave the ball in his court. I have promised not to bring it up, hint or mention anything again and if we were to have another baby it would be by his own suggestion. Basically its never gunna happen! and it consumes my every thought.

He has said that if we could be gauranteed we would have a girl he would be willing because we have 2 boys and he dosnt want another boy.

I feel lost and kinda denied i suppose. I have PCOS and im lucky to have the children i have but i have wanted 3 since i was a kid.

Should i sit back and give in to only having 2 children or should i do something to try to change his mind? if so what?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks Ladies

[Taurean]

No advice hon, just a huge one of these

I always wanted 4 kids, DH only wants two but he is slowly coming around to three...mainly cause it's still one less than 4! Maybe your DH will come around to the idea of another baby. Friends of ours had decided two was it, despite the wife really wanting three. They now have a few young babies in the extended family plus close friends TTC again (us included) so wouldn't you know it, the DH has decided that three kids is A-OK. Seriously, he was dead against three but here he is, about to start the journey again and their youngest is 4 and a half now

Good luck!

[courts&munchkins]

My Dh swore he only wanted 2 children. That's all we were having etc.etc. I was like you had 2 little boys but had always really wanted 3 children.

He came around because our 3rd (a little girl) was born 8 weeks ago.

Maybe drop it for awhile if he gets so angry about it. And then try and tell him how much you want a 3rd saying there is no pressure to conceive again buyt that he has to understand how you feel about the situation. And then let him talk about why he only wants two.

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[mummajj]

yea i think having a proper conversation about it. explain beforehand that there is to be no arguing etc, just listening and discussing each others point of view.
for example, i always wanted to start my family when i was 30. my DF wanted to start a family much sooner. until he sat me down and actually explained to me why, i didnt get it. it turned out, that he was afraid of being an "old" dad. he would be 37 by the time he had his first baby. (if i had it my way). and it really upset him.
so i compromised and we met half way.
so maybe he just doesnt get WHY you want 3 kids. i want 3 kids so that each child will always have a sibling to go to, even if they are fighting with the other. lol.
wishing you lots of luck hun.

[mummydreamer]

i have been in the same situation for so long. my whole life i've wanted 3 kids, 3 is my number. after we had DS and DD, DH wasn't too keen on another one. i had a m/c, then fell pregnant with J. DH was pretty open that he wasn't too happy about it, but it was going to happen anyway. as it turned out, we lost J, and it's DH pretty hard. he admitted to me last night that losing J was huge for him and made him realise that yes, he does want that 3rd (well 4th) baby.

I know our situation is very different, obviously, but there were times where i had to sit DH down and have chats with him, explain how i felt about kids. it wasn't that i just wanted another baby for the sake of it, it was this weird 'urge' i had had since i was a kid. all my life i wanted 3 kids, and i can't just switch that desire off. maybe leave it for a little bit, and then like another PP said, before you start talking, agree that it will be a discussion, not a fight, and let each other get your points across.

i hope you work a situation out that both of you agree with xxx

[mac29]

Thanks for your replies ladies, We half had a discussion only after a fight mind you about it and he said that his reasons for not wanting another is mostly financial, bigger house, bigger car and so forth. I tried to explain to him about the "urge" you feel for another baby but he just dosnt understand. A little background, I came from a family of 3 children (i have 2 older sisters) and he grew up just with his dad and his younger brother. I find it interesting that we both want the same amount of children that we had in our family.
After the birth of DS2 i thought i was fnished and i didnt want anymore and i said that to him at the time, then when i started feeling ready for another baby i started telling him and he claimed i had only ever told him i wanted 2 and no more, I had told him before in the past that i had wanted 3 since i was little and he said i had just all of a sudden hit him with the want for another baby, really when is it a good time to say hey hunny guess what i want a baby! you know what i mean?

Im almost 29 and i dont want to be having a baby in my mid 30s plus i dont want a big gap. DS1 and 2 are 2yrs 10 months apart and as it is even if we fell this month we would be looking at the same gap again. i dont want much more of a gap then that.

I guess we do find it a bit difficult sometimes to have a proper chat about things and i dont know when i should try again to talk to him.

I think i might sit on it for a little while or maybe write him a letter to see if i can get through to him that way. its worth a shot!
Thanks again ladies