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Thread: Frustrated and sad - my story

  1. #1
    Sammi Jane Guest

    Default Frustrated and sad - my story

    I've been TTC for 9 months now... I just got AF and now I'm closer to IVF than I ever wanted to be! I've never posted here, just read others postings... I just need to vent.

    My husband was diagnosed with a varicocele a few months ago and we were recommended to have it embolised. He had triple defective sperm with 0% morphology. He had the embolisation at the beginning of June and my acupuncturist said we should fall pregnant within the first 3 months or probably won't. We went to IVF Australia and met with Ric Porter who also said it was worthwhile trying the surgery to fix the varicocele but he wasn't confident and thought we'd be back to see him. He said to give it 2 months and come back and have another sperm analysis done to see if there's been any change.

    Well, I've just found out I'm not pregnant, which leaves us with next month to go. Basically I've got a month till I find out if I have to have IVF. I am struggling to deal with this. I feel so sad and angry. I can't think of anything else... I feel like I'm going mad. My husband is just positive and says well there's always next month. I find it really hard to be positive at all. I feel so sure that we'll have the sperm analysis done next month and there'll be no change and we'll be having IVF. The worst thing is that will be the end of August and we go away at the beginning of November for 3 weeks... I'm worried that they won't have enough time to do a round of IVF before we go. Then it will be December and 2007 looming...

    I hate that I'm in this position. I know others here are in the same position - how do you cope??? I feel like falling apart most of the time. It just feels so unfair. And friends around me are falling pregnant, which makes it even harder. I feel so unhappy, I don't want to see friends, I don't want to do anything, I just want to be pregnant... it's killing me. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about it cause they can't possibly understand and I don't want to hear them tell me to be positive blah blah blah...



    Anyway, sorry, I just needed to get this out... I really feel like I'm going crazy.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Western Sydney
    Posts
    253

    Default

    Vent away! That's what we're here for

    I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say that it sounds like you've been through a lot already and that I'm really sorry things haven't gone the way you'd hoped so far.

    There are lots of girls here who have been through similar experiences and I'm sure that you'll find them a great help!

    All the very very best for your TTC journey, hoping it's a BFP for you soon

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    near the water
    Posts
    1,230

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    Samrus,
    Its hard when everything we do depends on test results and time schedules. I had a hard time getting pregnant and ended up to the stage where IVF was the only option. After this initial bombshell and all the what how and when questions in our heads we bit the bullett and proceded into it.

    I suppose for us it was a better option when we did start because we were seeing positive aspects of infertility having a sucessful pick up and embroys to tranfer which was a step further than we had ever been.
    We got pregnant on the second cycle of IVF and after months oh well years we felt "normal". It is hard to understand why good people have so much trouble to do the most natural thing on this earth.
    I have no great answers but talk about the future as a positive thing, as hard as it is. Always have a great friend base and you and DH are going through a time in your lives that alot of people dont have too.

    I was the contributing factor in our relationship and felt the unbearable burden through failed cycles but DH was a great "picker upper".
    If you are concerned about your time frame..ring and make an appointment with IVF Australia through the last cycle as you could possibly fit one in before you go away.
    Fingers crossed you dont need it
    Bec

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Penrith, NSW
    Posts
    1,979

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    Hi Samrus. I'm soooooo sorry that u r feeling so low at the moment - and u definately have every right to feel that way. Unfortunately i don't have any advice to give u, all i can say is tht u have my support and prayers that u will get the BFP u so desperately desire soon. I know that u don't want to have to go down the IVF road (and i'll keep everything crossed that u won't need to) but at least u know that there are further opportunities that may assist u to get pregnant. I have close friends that went through IVF after exhausting every other option for nearly 5 yrs and they now have a beautiful daughter!Take care - and continue to vent as much as u need...that's what we're here for!!!!!

  5. #5
    Sammi Jane Guest

    Default

    thank you so much for your words of understanding and encouragement. they are very much appreciated! i really needed them!!

    I think i'm having a particularly bad day as I know I'm getting my period. it's just so depressing. i guess there's lots of other people out there who go through worse, somehow unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better!?!

    Bec G - we have an appointment booked for end of August with Ric Porter IVF Australia - won't I have to wait till that appointment to get the ball rolling? How bad was it??? Am I making in worse in my head than it really will be??

    You're right girls - I need to be positive. I just struggle with it sometimes. Thank you though - you've made me feel better. It means so much more to hear comforting words from women who actually know how it feels.

    Thank you!!

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