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Thread: HUsband/Partner uninterested in TTC?

  1. #1
    Mum2Furbabies Guest

    Unhappy HUsband/Partner uninterested in TTC?

    Does anyone else have a DP/DH who is completely disinterested by the TTC process?



    DH and I always spoke about having a baby (he only ever wanted one) - we have been together for years and always mentioned it as though it would happen one day. But he almost grudgingly agreed to TTC and only because I was worried about my age and possibly missing my chance. And he seems to be a bit disturbed by me being on this forum, charting, taking folic acid etc. I feel like I have to keep it secret from him so he won't give me a funny look and laugh or scoff.

    I am a bit worried that if I do get PG then he won't be excited and I'll think I've made a big mistake. We have spoken about this and he tried to reassure me but he just sounds like he is doing me a favour by letting me TTC. Does anyone else have this problem? I am so envious of all the gals out there with DH/DP's actually WANTING to start a family!!! I am thinking about just giving up on it all even though the thought of never having kids makes me all teary...
    Last edited by Mum2Furbabies; April 22nd, 2007 at 07:23 PM.

  2. #2

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    That's really tough. I'm sorry that I'm not in the same situation to be able to offer advice, but I do hope he comes around to the idea soon and that you can enjoy having a baby together.

  3. #3

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    My DP is happy that we are TTC, but he doesn't get why I chat on BB website and chart my cycles either.
    We talk about babies and pregnancy, but he has to be in the mood for it ( make sense ).
    I do just think that women take more interest because it is our bodies that have to carry the baby. We lost a baby at 15wks last year and while I was pregnant, my partner really took more of an interest and was so excited. I think that because your partner has agreed to TTC, he will get more into it when there is confirmation of a pregnancy and your body begins to change.
    I wish you all the best..

  4. #4
    Mum2Furbabies Guest

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    Thanks blue_hebe and Nicambhar, I hope so too! I guess it is harder for guys at this stage because there's not really much for them to be excited about just yet.

  5. #5

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    DH wanted children but was really not very intrested in TTC (other than the BDing lol). He asked what my FF chart was once but when I started explaining about mucus and ovulation he only managed a couple of minutes before begging me to stop.
    Overall I think that women are usually more interested and aware of thier bodies and health than men.

  6. #6

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    ITA with Nichambar and Dachlostar - they don't really want to know about it until there's something tangible (belly gets bigger, ultrasound pics, etc).

  7. #7

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    Hi Mum2Furbabies

    My DH doesn't talk about TTC much either. When I start to talk about it, he just listens without saying much. I know he feels that I stress myself out over the process and wants me to just relax and let it happen. I can understand how he feels (as we have had 2 DDs) but when you are the woman, its something that you think about all the time!!

    Good luck
    Last edited by jen-b; April 23rd, 2007 at 10:12 AM.

  8. #8
    sare31 Guest

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    The other thing with guys is, they don't get the urgency to have babies. They don't have a clock ticking in the back ground. They have the ability to have babies well into old age.

    My DH wanted to wait (and wait....), I went off the BCP and said if he wasn't ready for babies, then he needed to be proactive in the birth control. Being a bloke this was all too much work for him, so he has conceded to "going with the flow". I haven't told him of my membership here. I have learnt so much, that I am now far more familiar with my cycle. When I think I am Oing, I seduce him, and he thinks his christmas's have all come at once. Poor DH, he doesn't stand a chance.

  9. #9
    Mum2Furbabies Guest

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    Thank you all so much for your replies, I feel SO much better now
    Glad to know I'm not the only one thinking about TTC pretty much all day every day while DH can barely stifle his yawns at the thought! I guess some guys never reach the point where they feel 100% ready and keen, but I know my DH will make an excellent Dad...

    Lol at your comments Sare31...yeah its funny how TTC is of no interest but DTD is another story!!

  10. #10

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    I am with you! My DH and I had a long conversation about TTC last night. I am ready and willing. He however, isn't so sure 'the time is right'. But in my opinion, when is 'the right time' to have a baby? Idk, maybe I am just too excited at the thought to actually listen to what he is saying to me. But I wanted you to know you are not alone. (And thank you for posting this. I now know that I am not alone either!)

  11. #11
    Mum2Furbabies Guest

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    Thanks LilMrsK! I think som'e men would happily put it off forever, but only because us women have a keener sense of how amazing it would be, and are able to make the leap of faith!

    DH and I have been talking about it for years, and each year he said, "let's start trying next year" until I pulled him up early this year and said, "honey...it IS next year"!

  12. #12

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    With DS it was an accident so no issue there, but when I said I wanted to try for a girl Dp was fully against it. One kids was enough he doesn't want anymore, this went on for months he even went ot the extent of saying that if I stop taking the pill behind his back then he's gunna leave, He eventually got over it and now we have a little girl.

    Ellie

  13. #13

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    My DH never really wanted to know the ins & outs of TTC... so I kept the charting to myself & never menioned about O time or anything as it put alot of pressure on us both & was more like something that had to be done than something spontanious IYKWIM...

    He was more interested once we had scans & stuff & he could feel alexa moving & stuff like that...

    He is totally besotted with his wee girl now but I think when we TTC # 2 I will keep my charting to myself again & just jump his bones at random times so he doesnt know when O time is (therefore less pressure).. if that makes sense LOL

  14. #14

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    You are so not alone!

    My DH said he wanted #3 but he would never come to bed at the same time as me. I'd say, "This week is the week " and expect him to come to bed knowing he'd was up for a good time. Well I think 'that week' over and over again he would come to bed later than normal!!!! In the end I sat him down and said, "Either come to bed to make this baby, this cycle or I'm selling all our baby stuff cause I'm over it. You're the one who really wants a 3rd, this is your last chance."

    I'm pleased to say that cycle we fell pg and #3 is cooking along happily.

    GL with you DH

  15. #15
    Abracadabra Guest

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    I, fortunately, have a DH that is very keen to TTC. He's very cute, asking me what my temp is each morning and he likes looking at my FF chart and asks what all the abbreviations mean.

    I don't have any advice for you but maybe once you are pregnant his enthusiasm will show more.

  16. #16

    Smile tell me about it!

    Hi mum2furbabies,

    My dh wants babies but he is squeemish and nervous when ever I talk to him about it. A less secure person would interpret it very very badly but I know him too well!
    He says he'll be so excitied when we get a positive hpt but I think he'll be cautious until we pass the 3 month mark, in a way the lack of enthusiasm is a protective sheild combined with the old male fear of being the prime breadwinner.
    It is a shame, I wish my dh would chat about names and possibilities in ttw etc but it's just not his style.

    Good luck and dont let it get you down, he'll come around.

    sassba

  17. #17

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    My DF doesn't really like me being on here either but he's the opposite of your DH. He is very interested in us TTC and he was the one pushing for me to start TTC and then when it didn't happen for months he was the one pushing for me to go to the doc.

    He doesn't want all the details but is happy to BD all the time. He doesn't want me buying HPT's until I am overdue again but I really want to get some of the cheap LC ones but I'll have to do it behind his back if I do. Recently I had pg symptoms and tested too early, so I guess he does have a point.

  18. #18

    Join Date
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    Default I hear you!!

    Hi Mum2Furbabies,

    My husband was not, not happy at all when I fell pregnant with #1 - no patting belly, no planning life with baby. He already had children from a prior relationship, and just wasn't ready. He went straight out and got a vasectomy!
    He absolutely ADORES our son now and couldn't imagine life without him. I am now pining so much for another - I have had to do a lot of persuading. I was crying to him the other day that he should feel honoured that I want to carry his child (a bit dramatic I know, but man, the convincing weighs me down!!)

    So we (I) am looking into our treatment options and have made appts at fertility clinic. My excitement is building, at the thought of being pregnant and having another one.

    My advice - stick it out, don't give up honey! He'll come around.

    Maggie xo

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