ok so my hubby and i have been ttc for about 4 months. i had a positive opk on the 28th april, so we did the deed that night and the night after. this is where it gets horrible. on friday morning about 2am i slept with another man (long story, not planned, first and last time, extremely guilty and regretful) he didnt use a condom but pulled out just after he started ejaculating. i freaked and took the morning after pill at 10pm that night and again at 10am sat morning (have to take 2 pills 12 hours apart). its been 2 weeks and i just discovered yesterday that im pregnant! hoping to hell that its my husbands, i deeply love my husband and this was a horrible mistake that i cant believe happened! with everyones knowledge of ovulation and conception out there could someone plz help me, who do you think the father is? if its not my husbands baby i will be getting a termination. you dont have to like me but just after some help! ive already called myself every name under the sun so nobody else needs to do this!
No one can guess the father.
I think for the sake of your relationship you need to tell your husband what happened. what is a marriage if it is based on lies IMO.
Then have a DNA test if you decide to proceed with the pregnancy.
Kate, this sounds horrible - I think you need to talk to your doctor about this. The morning after pill does not end a pregnancy so it could be that you already were pregnant when taking it. It is 85% effective in preventing a pregnancy.
Seeming you ovulated on the Tuesday, I am thinking it is more likely to be your husbands but you can never be too sure with these things.
Its a big gamble and I think you may need to have a talk about this with him. Does your GP know your circumstances? What if you cant find out the baby's DNA until it is to late? Also how are you going to get your husbands DNA? Or are you going to get the other guy's tested to rule him out?
Sorry you are going through this. Even though you know you made a mistake and regret it 1000 times over, it still must be incredibly stressful.
i cant tell my husband. he would never forgive me, and he would have every right not to but im not going to ruin something great because of one stupid mistake. i think i will just terminate. i have a drs appt on sat, but this has all been going through my head and couldnt wait til then to get it all out.
I think that might be the best decision, then, after you get past it, try again.
I think its probably your DH's as well, but its a risk not worth taking by the sounds of it.
Good luck.
First, DF and I DTD one night and the condom broke. I went into the chemist the next moring for morning after pill (and got grilled, yay) and anyway, took it within about 8 hours of it happening and I ended up Pg. So, the morning after pill isn't always 100% effective.
Personally, and I think I'm going to be in the minority here, I would keep the baby. Regardless of who's it is, it shouldn't have to suffer for a mistake it didn't make.
If you are that against telling your husband, then don't, and this other man should be cut out of your life if this is a mistake that you only intend on making once. At the end of the day people only tell their partners of their cheating to ease their own guilt and nothing good ever comes of it and it ends up hurting the people you truely love.
I really do feel sorry for you, it would be very stressful thing to deal and I think you are truely regretful but it is your mistake and you should have to wear it.
That is my two bobs worth, I'm sorry if I sound blunt but I just thought I would put another angel out there. And remember whatever choice you make will be the right one for you, so don't agonise about your decision after you have made it.
If you had a + opk on Tue, and slept with your hubby twice, and then the other man on the Friday, it is a very high chance of being your hubby's baby....it is very likely you already had a fertalised egg before seeing the other fellow...
I'm not sure how early you can get DNA done??? With an amnio I suspect...
I guess you have to weigh up the risk of hubby finding out anyway, (they usually do), terminating the other mans baby, or worst senario, terminating a much wanted baby concieved with your hubby....
Hon, I really feel for you and your situation, and passing blame now doesn't help anyone...
Just in my opinoin, I'd keep bubbs. It is very likely Dh's, and if its not, its still your bubba.
But you must do what is right for your own situation.
Kate - There really is no way to tell apart from DNA tests. I'm sorry you're going through this, mistakes do happen and unfortunately you're facing an awful consequence. I hope you come to the decision that is right for you.
Teagz - the OP was after opinions on who the father was most likely to be, not whether she should keep the baby. I'm sure Kate is already agonizing over the decision without being made to feel guilty if she does indeed decide that terminating would be the best option for her.
I apologise, Kate, for getting a bit off track from your OP but I guess I sort of wanted to get another option out there for you where both you and your DH could benefit from a not so pleasant situation, if you can understand where I'm coming from...
I think you won't know 100% who the bubs is but I would imagine there would be a big chance that it is your DH given your ovulation and BD dates.
Gracious Goddness, Thankyou for pulling me back into line.
Kate did you do any other OPK or are you temping, that would give you a better indication of when you ovulated?
Hugs to you, you have such a hard decision in front of you - my heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a solution that is best for you and your family.
What a difficult situation. I'm a bit confused by your dates, you got a positive OPK on the 28th, and when did you DTD with this other guy? The Friday after (1st) or last Friday (the 8th)?
I don't think you can tell for sure who's baby it is. I O 6days after I had my last positive OPT and I am pregnant and I definately O'd 6days later despite them saying 24-36hrs after you find the LH surge. You need to decide what to do but in my opinion there is every chance in could be wither of the men's child. I also got pregnant with my second child after taking the morning after pill I had not O'd yet and it did not prevent it happening. I would go and talk to your dr about it or maybe you could have a scan soon that will give you a more accurate description on the day your baby was concieved. In saying this sperm can live for up to a week so your husbands sperm would definately still be in there even if you hadn't O'd till later. Maybe a scan will show you bub is more developed though and definately your husbands.
I think even if you know exactly when you ovulate it is still impossible to say who the father is because there is no info on exactly when fertilisation takes place.
I really feel for you because you are in such a tough position. I think your best course of action now is to talk to your GP or the sexual health clinic about options and possibilities. They will be able to give you an idea of what you can do. The other thing they will probably want to look at is the possibility of STIs and I think this is probably really important for you to get tested. I know that just throws something else in the works of a very emotional and uncertain time for you, but if there is a possible infection, you need to know as well.
Apart from that - welcome to BellyBelly. We are all here to support you, offer advice and friendship and you won't be judged for your choices.
I really hope that everything works out for you. Everyone makes mistakes. I would encourage you to think about being upfront with your husband about everything. I can imagine he would be very angry, but anger is not always a bad emotion and sometimes we are allowed to feel angry. I can't make any promises on how he will react, but I do know that strong relationship are built on honesty. I don't think you need to tell him immediately but I would encourage you to think it through and maybe ring a relationship counselling hotline like Relationships Australia for some advice before you tell him. They may be able to give you an idea of how he may react and things that you can do and say to help the situation. Even if you choose not to tell him, it might be worthwhile giving them a call and having a chat about your own situation. This kind of thing can eat you up a bit and you may need to talk to someone and get it off your chest.
Sorry, I realise there is more advice there then your actual question of whether it could be your husband's baby or not, but I am a bit worried about you as you are in a really difficult situation. There are professional organisations out there who can help you through some of the things you are feeling and help you work out your options. I would really suggest giving them a ring and having a chat.
kate im not maried but i was in a similar situation i slept with 4 guys in 16 days ( please dont judge me!!!!) and by "my dates" it should of been the firstguys but it wasnt and three dna test later DS now has a dad but i think you need to be honest with both of the men....termination is an option but if you terminate you are still going to be racked with guilt and will prob end up confessing to DH who will be even madder because you got rid of a baby that "could" of been his..i really wouldnt keep it and just say its DH's because that will eat away at you too...so i think your best option would be to be HONEST...
Hope that all this works well for in the end and im sorryif i was blunt.. good luck hun
Last edited by young_mumma87; May 14th, 2009 at 03:01 PM.
: spelling
Kate. I can't offer any advice but I do hope that whatever decision you make you will be at peace with.
I do however think that dishonesty in a relationship is not healthy in the longrun.
the only advice i have for u is.... talk to your husband. He doesnt deserve to be lied to and remember its a good posibilty its his baby too.
U seem like u have already made up your mind.
For more support on termination, there is a thread for it here but you need permission to access. Just go to your User Profile and click on group memberships. it is there.
Good luck and i hope you find peace with what ever you decide.
Gee, what an awful situation for you i really have no idea regarding Ovulation etc (i fell preg three times on the pill!!)
i hope you can come to a decision you're happy with. like Townsville girl said.. welcome to BellyBelly! there is lots of information and support coming from every direction here.
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need help - horrible mistake
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