Looking for help! And someone to talk to

[S.Terese]

Hello lovely ladies of belly belly.

I have come to this forum in desperate need of some help and maybe some guidence.

I am 20 years old, I will be 21 in December.
For about a year now I've wanted to have a child. I was told by my partner and just about anyone I tried to talk to about it, said that I am too young and everything else like that. Once I thought about it I thought, ok maybe I'm wrong I should wait until I am older.
It has now Only been a year and I am feeling more in need of a baby that my heart breaks of sadness

Please.. Someone tell me, I'm Not crazy for wanting a child. I know I'd be an amazing mother, and I think every single day that, that is what I'm ment to be. That's who I want to be- a mother.

Sorry for my spelling, I'm on my phone.
In saying All of this.. My life will need to change dramatically.


I have written this very all over the place, I'm sorry I'm just in a rush is all!


Any help would be so much appreciated.

[jellybean88]

Sorry to hear you don't have much support I guess the only persons opinion that matters is dp have chat with him and tell him your feelings it took me a few months of deep one on one chats with dh to get him to come round and alot of crying and then it took us 10 months to conceive so mayby tell him it's normal for it to take up to a year for a young healthy couple mayby he will feel less like your gonna get pg straight away , also I find males worry more about the provision side of things so good to go into discussion with a plan eg paying for baby gear, everyday disposable items, food, maternity clothes and money for scans and dr visits , and maternity leave plans show him your serious and not just clucky

As for everyone else if they think your too young just ignore them

Also feel free to join the pre-ttc thread a few have the same problem

[S.Terese]

My partner will never agree. He said he will break up with me if I fell pregnant and kept the baby. So if I did go through with having a baby, I'll be single.

[lady_neon]

Hey hun.

I was like you at the same age. You're not crazy at all. Some of us just have a very strong maternal desire. My mum said to me just before my son was born that when I was little I'd always say when I grow up I wanted to ne a mother

I don't know your circumstances but I will say this. I forced myself to wait until I was married and had some money under my belt. Ended up getting married at 20, then started TTC just before I was 22. We decided to wait until DH's income would be sufficient to support us as I wanted to stay home. We both worked full time and saved a big enough deposit to buy a house. I might add DH is 7 years older than me so is established in his career so money wise he puts us ahead of someone just finishing study and going into work. Where I'm getting at, is having a child is freaking hard work and will test your relationship. You don't want the financial strain in your family, as much as people will say money doesn't matter, it sadly does and can seriously affect relationships.

ETA - age is just a number. Where you are at in life should be a deciding factor.

[jellybean88]

Oh gosh that's terrible
Are you looking at getting married or anything obviously your pretty serious if you want kids mayby couple councelling would be good

I think if I wasn't married I'd leave him but if I was married I'd do councelling

[S.Terese]

We have been together for 2 years. And marriage is not around the corner.
Where is the pre tcc topic?

I feel as if I would be able to be a single mum. Very positive actually.

[Jellyfish]

How exactly do you plan to get pregnant if you don't have the co-operation of your partner? Even if you do plan to be a single mother how would you get to that point?

[HotI]

if your partner doesn't want kids, it is unfair to force fatherhood on him. Do you have another parenting partner in mind?

There is plenty of time for you to be a Mum in the future, if circumstances mean that it can't happen right now.

[S.Terese]

I would never go against my partners wishes, ever.
I have not actually been able to think about anything other than what I have written in here.
Those 2 options are something I've though about... Are there many single women who decided to use IVFand a doner???

[jellybean88]

Pre-Ttc group is under ttc buddies in conception section

Great you think you will be a good mum single or not but think about the child too it would be good for them to have a loving father as well if you can

[Phteven]

If you want to be a single Mum there are lots of awesome single Mums out there however if your partner is not on board you will need to look into IVF or donor sperm which can be expensive and frustrating.

[lady_neon]

Patenting is hard enough with both parents around. I could not imagine doing this by myself. I take my hat off to single parents, it must be damn hard. I think there is a single parenting thread?? Jump in that and hear some of others experiences before you intentionally pur yourself in that situation. If your current partner is not ready do not deceive him or anything. Why deny your future child his or her dad if you don't have to?

[lady_neon]

You're only 20. Whilst your heart may be aching for a child, your biological clock isn't ticking. Can you as a couple agree on re-visiting the topic in a year? Does your DP want children in he future?

[S.Terese]

He does but not for about 15 years...

[Catastrophic]

I'm going to be blunt here. If this is his opinion, and you are desperate to start your family, this relationship is doomed. Regardless of how much you love him, how well he performs, whether you are a perfect match on every other level, children is one of the big things that you need to be on the same page on. If he won't change his mind, and you get to 35 and find you can't concieve or he decides he doesn't want babies ever - you will resent him. If you have a baby against his wishes, he will resent you. Yes there is a chance he will change his mind, but are you willng to wait to find out? Only you can answer this so I could be way off track but reading your posts above, I'm thinking no. It might be kinder to both of you to end it now so you can find a man who is a bit more mature and ready to start a family, and he can find someone who is at his stage in life. You may still have to wait a couple of years like Mirimum's situation but at least you would be starting out with similar goals.

What she said.

You are only young yes, but you can't help how you feel, it might help going to counselling and working out what your deal breAkers are... This would surely be one of mine.

[KateDan]

i know EXACTLY how you feel...i'm 20 too and my dream is to be a mother...i wanted it so badly..i actually teared up every time i saw a baby or a pregnant lady...however, after talking ot over with friends and of course my lovely partner, i realised that its not the right time...we DO want kids, but not just yet..we are still uni students...
your need to be a mother wont fade...but think what you will miss when you bring a child into the world...of course nothing i or anyone else can say will change what you want...talk it over with your partner......he has to want is a much as you in order to make a happy family...this is my opinion....just follow your heart and do what feels right... best of luck!

[Junipear]

Listen Hun,

you do it when your ready. I listened to much to my family politics and here I am at 42 and my chances are slimmer than yours now. Don't keep thinking 'wait till your older' because once you hit 30 your pregancy rate has already dropped. By 35 its even harder, by 38 its less again, by 41 its even slimmer.

When I was 24 I had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with major depression. My life has been all sickness and thats why my family were so against it. I also had to fight a failed system to get treatment which is why I am now only just basically coming out the other side.

You just never know what the furture holds. Take every opportunity by the horns and run with it.

Best wishes
June