thread: Is it okay to feel ready for baby but not older kids....

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jan 2009

    Is it okay to feel ready for baby but not older kids....

    My OH and I are thinking of TTC #1 later this year. I feel increasingly ready to start a family, as does OH (albeit his readiness less than mine ) and after visiting friends of ours over the weekend with 2 months old twins our readiness (or cluckiness, is that the same thing??) is even more apparent!

    But...I'm having a mini-crisis at the moment about the whole thing. I volunteered at my SIL's childcare centre to help out with vacation care (school age kids) and holy crap..... I realised that I'm actually terrified of children older than 4 in groups of more than 2! Give me a room full of screaming babies or toddlers and I'm fine but kids....eek! Which got me thinking...OMG what if that means that I'm not ready to have kids.

    So I ask you ladies, is it okay for me to be ready for a baby but not a school age child??

    It isn't as though I NEVER want older children, just not now. I want a baby, I want to bring up a child and figure that by the time my kid gets to be school aged, I won't be scared of them and will love them and like them and all that.

    For those that already have kids, did you feel the same way when you first began TTC or thinking about it. Or for those that didn't plan their pregnancy, did you have these thoughts when you first found out?

    Thoughts/opinions/experiences much appreciated?

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Jul 2008
    Eastern Surburbs, Melbourne

    You were thrown in the deep end with no wading.
    When you have your own you grow with them and their stages so you don't notice the age, it's part of your and their growth.
    All parents feel at a loss at some stage, when having kids to watching them get married.
    If we didn't have doubts where would we, don't answer that one, there is not enough hours in the day to read the replies.
    You will do fine. No point looking that far ahead, just live in the present and enjoy the ride.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Add fionas on Facebook

    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC

    Absolutely agree with Rivlas ... though I was kind of the opposite to you. Liked older kids but was scared witless of babies, simply because I had never been around them.

    All worked out swimmingly.

    Good luck with the TTC!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Dec 2006

    Its so different with your own kids then it is with other peoples.
    I to sometimes can't stand other peoples kids but i love my own.
    You will be fine and you will grow with your little babies.
    Good luck

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Mar 2009

    My pregnancy wasn't planned and I felt exactly this way and still sort of do. I felt okay about having a baby but I really wasn't happy about the fact that she would grow up! I've always loved babies but the thought of school-age children or teenagers terrifies me. Don't really have any advice because I am hoping (like others have reassured you above) that it will be different when it is my own and we are growing together but wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! My DD is only 4 weeks old and I still feel anxious about the older stages but I'm just taking it one day at a time and enjoying her as a baby while I can

    I think it is normal to have doubts, worries and concerns -- it lets you know you are going to strive for the best and that is kind of reassuring, if you know what I mean!

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Add rustygirl on Facebook

    Sep 2007
    McDowall QLD

    you'll grow with them. When I had a 4mth old I never thought I would be able to handle a 1yr old and so on. Try not to look into the future and worry about it. It is soo much easier to take it all as it comes....instead of worrying about what hasn''t happened yet

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Newcastle, NSW

    I agree with all the other posts... you definitely grow with them, and when they get to a certain age, you will feel all nervous and worried around younger children and wonder how you ever coped! lol

    When my DD was 5 I was a mess around my nephews and totally forgot everything I ever did when my 2 were babies... then I had another of my own when DD was 10 and it all came flooding back to me.
    You'll be great honey... parenthood is a beautiful adventure

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Jan 2005
    Down by the ocean

    Yep I agree that you grow into the role of mothering older kids. A room full of rowdy kids will do my head in too BTW

    Before you know it you are sending them off to school. The baby phase is the shortest

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Jul 2005
    Rural NSW

    Yep, all the above (previous posts are true)... you grow with them.... they teach you as much as you teach them i think.

    However I have to admit that the teen years are proving to be a bit of a challenge... I don't think anything can prepare you for that... just stay "connected"... don't let your fear of losing control detach you... I have seen this happen to a few parents. If you stay connected then everything else will fall into place.... and that starts from day 1.

    And yes... the baby phase is the shortest... even though at the time it feels endless.

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Jun 2007
    Melbourne, ready to meet peeps IRL

    good lord I am a mother of 3 and couldnt think of anything worst than been stuck in a room full of school age kids!!!! dont know how child care worker and teachers do it....

    But like everyone else has said your kids are different they grow with you... but be warned you may never like other peoples kids... I know I can bearly tolarate some... other are lovely but some

  11. #11
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic

    Hey they all turn into teenagers and if anyone thought of that straight off we'd NEVER start families!

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Mar 2007
    outer South East Melbourne

    You will have plenty of time to get used to the fact that your baby is growing into a child.

    Remember you don't have to deal with a whole stack of kids either, just the one if you so choose.

  13. #13
    Mumeee Guest

    Talking babies

    I agree with Mumofsix - It is so different when they are your own.
    Other peoples kids often drive me up the wall. I have one friend who has 3 boys, I dont mind her littlest one but her middle one I want to throttle! Last time they were over he swung on my clothesline, continually got toys out of the cupboard when I'd said no more out, is a bit of a thug etc - but with your own you raise them the way you want them to behave - with your values.
    It is so different - and you grow with your baby, each new milestone is precious.

    Children are made tiny, helpless, precious with big heads and large eyes for a reason - so we do fall in love with them (so by the time they start their 'phases' and do things like talk back, get attitudes etc - we are all ready in love with them) otherwise they wouldnt make it!

  14. #14
    Registered User

    Oct 2006
    Sydney NSW

    Hey they all turn into teenagers and if anyone thought of that straight off we'd NEVER start families!
    Soooo true!! If I knew my precious baby girl was going to be a teenage drama queen I may never have had her LOL But my love has grown with her and she is still my baby girl deep down.

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Add Dragonbub on Facebook

    Feb 2006
    Perth WA

    Mother nature is truly a miraculous and cunning minx to equip us with a robust body clock, tune us in to a cute, round, cuddly cooing sleeping baby, then gradually, slowly, ever so gently turn that bundle of joy into a raving teenage lunatic! If we started with teenagers and they grew into babies, we would be extinct and the ****roaches would rule the world.