TTC- Men Not Pulling Their Weight!!!

[JellyBean]

Anyone else get really frustrated when your DH/DP doesn't carry their weight on the TTC front?
It never ceases to amaze me how, when a couple are having trouble TTC, the woman immediately does most things in her power to clean up her diet, eliminate alcohol, coffee, junk food, additives, etc- and the male counterparts just carry on boozing and eating rubbish as though they have nothing to do with the baby-making process. Gggrrrr!

Friends of ours are trying to conceive, with no luck so far. She explained on the weekend that she is not drinking at the moment as they are TTC. Fair enough, I thought. Then her hubby proceeds to down about 7 pints over the space of 3 hours, and continues to pressure my DH (we are also TTC 2#) into keeping scores with him. I can see that DH is feeling sickly and unwilling to keep up with him, but he continues to drink as his friend continues to provide and put the pressure on. Can he not just grow some balls and say 'no' I've had enough and WE are trying to conceive!!?? It's not like I am expecting an immaculate conception here on my own or anything!!! And as for my poor friend??? Has she really any hope when her DH trashes his body like this every single weekend??? The sperm are probably swimming downstream (or are dead before they have the chance...)

I also think that as women, we automatically assume that there is something wrong with US if we cannot conceive- when in reality, we can turn our bodies into greenhouses, yet still no sperm is gonna hit the target if it is sluggish with booze and other nasties.
I think there needs to be far more awareness of how male diet and drinking patterns and chemical toxin exposure (ie- personal care products like aftershave, etc) affects sperm health and a couples chances of conceiving.

Ahhh- I feel so much better for getting that out. Lol - seriously though, I think this is an issue that probably effects many couples out there. I just think that, if I am going to make all these sacrifices to avoid ingesting toxins to make sure my body is in prime condition to carry a baby- then he should at least be making sure that he gets his sperm in good nick so that we can give it our absolute best shot!

[Macca79]

I think it is just one of those things that makes men and women different. We spent 4 years ttc number one and DH did nothing to really change his lifestyle but he was just as keen to start a family as I was. In the end for us it came down to stress and the less stress we put on ourselves the better for us in the end.

[JellyBean]

Hi Macca- yes, I totally agree that stress is a major barrier in TTC.
However- diet, toxicity and lifestyle factors are also very important for a healthy conception. It just seems unfair and frustrating at times when all the research indicates that these factors apply as much to men as they do to women- and yet women make the vast majority of changes with men making little (if any!) changes.
I mean, its not as though men can't carry on drinking etc once he woman has conceived- unlike the woman who has to carry on being concsious of what she ingests during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Is it really that much of a sacrifice for them to make a few lifestyle changes to increase the chances of a healthy conception?
Surely there are a few men out there who have??

[Heaven]

My DH was good. He stopped riding his bike to work, didn't drink often, and took zinc tablets.

[MummaSue]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.

I'm really lucky in that my DH is a bit of a health freak anyway.

BUT we do have some friends who are TTC and she is doing all she can to be healthy. He on the other hand is 50kg overweight, drinks like a fish, eats maccas every minute of the day. He got a sperm analysis done and has 5% motility. His explanation for this is that he is "being punished" for what he did when he was younger (which isn't any worse than any of us - drinking etc). He isn't making the link about his poor sperm and his health.

GGGRGRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND he told us last year that they had been trying for "ages" (they'd only been together for 5 months at that point) and I was like "how long is ages"

3 MONTHS!!! And they KNOW that we have been trying for 6 years.
God, that made me mad.

Sorry, ended up on a bit of a rant there!!
S X

[S'rose]

My DH is pretty good I have to say.

He would stop drinking, come home when told to, eats pretty well. And was always prepared to give a sperm sample without a single complaint or moment of embarrassment.
Heading into IVF, DH is even cancelling important meetings because our family comes first. Its an amazing attitude and one I wish more DH's could have to support their partners.

But unfortunately men often seem to have this obliviousness to the process and really don't comprehend their 50% of the creation process!!

[ChocChai]

I'm in the same boat!

We have been trying for 4 months now, and while i'm not too stressed about it at this stage, i wish that he would cut down his drinking (two long necks every evening!). I haven't wanted to say anything too much to him cos we have only started trying. He reckons that stress is the reason we haven't gotten pregnant yet (he is actually stressing more than me), but doesn't see that alcohol could be a factor as well - he says that many alcoholics have managed to have kids, so doesn't see the logic--ahh! At least he does have some understanding of having 'healthy sperm' and tries to wear boxers when he can. This month i didn't want to say anything just in case we did end up pregnant and having that conversation would have been a waste of time, but now that it was negative, i must say i'm getting really frustrated...plus since getting married 4 months ago things have been great, so didn't want to rock the boat...i think since that he is really keen to start a family maybe in his own time, without pressure from me, he will decide to cut down... MEN!

[Kazbah]

I started off TTC by getting myself healthy (month 1). Then Month 2, I had a few drinks during AF and told DH he wasn't drinking alcohol until I got preggers. We shared a few drinks during AF Month 3, DH wasn't allowed to drink coke or alcohol and only allowed caffiene-free drinks That month was a success.

His friends all laughed at me, but it certainly meant anyone who asked knew that Pip wasn't an "oopsie"!

[ZigZag]

But unfortunately men often seem to have this obliviousness to the process and really don't comprehend their 50% of the creation process!!

So beautifully put S'rose!!! Love it.

I have only just started to ask my DH to alter his caffeine / alcohol intake etc which he's been good with, but I can't get over the hard work its been to get him to be 'awake' and not so tired to 'bed' when required. I'm tired too but he always has to be more tired than me and is so much more of an effort for him it seems....don't worry about the crippling ovulation pain I'm having hun or the waking up early to take my temp, the folic acid tablets, watching the diet or analysing everything when I go to the loo!! They don't know how easy they've got it. I can't wait for this journey to be over and the spontaneous bedding to return.

[ZigZag]

But unfortunately men often seem to have this obliviousness to the process and really don't comprehend their 50% of the creation process!!

So beautifully put S'rose!!! Love it.

I have only just started to ask my DH to alter his caffeine / alcohol intake etc which he's been good with, but I can't get over the hard work its been to get him to be 'awake' and not so tired to 'bed' when required. I'm tired too but he always has to be more tired than me and is so much more of an effort for him it seems....don't worry about the crippling ovulation pain I'm having hun or the waking up early to take my temp, the folic acid tablets, watching the diet or analysing everything when I go to the loo!! They don't know how easy they've got it. I can't wait for this journey to be over and the spontaneous bedding to return.

[JellyBean]

Glad to read you guys are feelin me on this one!

Honestly- I truly think men believe that all they need to do is deposit the sperm into the vagina and then BOOM! haha

Just the other night I forced (well blackmailed) DH to read the chapter on male fertility in Francesca Naish's book - The Natural Way to Better Babies- Preconceptual Healthcare for Prospective Parents (empasis on the s!) in exchange for a back massage, which nearly killed me- lol.
I could see him raising a few eyebrows though so hopefully he will be more prepared to make some overdue changes. He is actually taking the zinc I bought him now so at least thats a start.....

[Bengal]

I am in a hard spot here. DH shows me more and more how commited he is to ttc a bubba, when it comes to dropping everything to give a sperm sample, or dtd, even when we can barely keep our eyes open, after a hard physical day at work, he listens when maybe baby calls..TTC may be an arduous task, dh's support and commitment has made me fall in love with him all over again....

However !!!! I live with a man's man ... after two seperate semen ana's , that showed magnificant swimmers, he says he doesnt need to alter his "long neck" intake, how do I suggest otherwise, when the little tadpols knew exactly what to do, in front of the scientists !!!